WTF Does This House Belong To?
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Hi guys! I've been trying to be a little cooler lately about everything BUT am realilizing what is truly setting me off in between "cool" times:
First, I LIVE IN THIS HOUSE AND PAID OFF THE DAM FORECLOSURE, PROPERTY TAXES, CLEANING, REDECORATING, ALMOST A GRAND TO CLEAN THIS DOG-SHIT-PISS RIDDEN CARPET THAT WAS TORN TO SHREADS AND:
Do not overlook the life of me and our BS1 anymore BM, to "let" your son, SS8, to just "decide" when HE FEELS LIKE COMING OVER TO "Daddy's House!"
WTF? I mean, really? NO schedules, nothing. BS1 and myself are just supposed to be home here whenever this kid feels like coming over? What? OK, how can I not sound like a mean, hateful bitch of a stepmom here and put my foot down about this? Of course, guilty daddy will not say "no" to his "other" son feeling like coming over, whenever, right? He would look "mean and uncaring..." OK, this toddler and I have a life too and we are not the babysitter for either of them. IF BM and SS8 want to just come and go as they wish, DH BETTER be the one to pick his son up. I AM BUSY FROM NOW ON.
Of course this will start another fight. This is the only thing that makes us argue. Can't DH see that? Don't BS1 and myself deserve to have OUR home and lives as well? I can't keep being the nice one and going through this for the next decade. I can't do it. BM has full custody of SS8 too. Am I so mean for wanting some kind of normal schedule and order here? How can I handle this? I am tired OF BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.
... I am not living for free
... I am not living for free here either. I have been making the monthly mortgage payments, buying groceries, milk and gas for the cars as well. I wish someone would give me "a break."
How about feeling guilty for me and BS1, DH? Just once in awhile.
How come they don't have a
How come they don't have a visitation order? Parenting time? I had to put my foot down with SD as well. They allowed her to pick and choose and once we moved in together, I'd had enough of the "oh, well SD wants to come over tonight" bullshit when I had plans to relax at home. I asked DH what the visitation order said, it was EOW. So I told him since we were sharing a home now and I have issues with not ever knowing when the kid is going to show up, he should start following the court order.
That lasted about 6 mos and then SD decided life was better at her mom's so moved in with her full time. THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Put your foot down and make them adhere to the visitation schedule! They're giving this boy way too much power by letting him pick and choose!!!!
OK! You said EXACTLY what I
OK! You said EXACTLY what I keep hearing, over and over; I kid you not.
"oh, well SD wants to come over tonight" replace with SS8. That is exactly what I keep getting, not even any notice either?!
wth? you know?
BM now has full custody of
BM now has full custody of SS8 . They have no set schedule in place right now. For some reason, they are both allowing an 8 year old to make these choices and dictate.
I can see this "down the road." oh boy. I DID "mention" to BM that "wouldn't it be muuuch better IF you two worked out some type of set schedule as to not confuse everyone and leave anyone hanging?"
maybe not my place BUT this IS my home. There are other people involved here too that have lives.
I would definitely insist to
I would definitely insist to your DH that he gets some type of court order -- if he won't involve the courts, he needs to at least set it up between him and BM. There's no reason you should have to live like that -- not knowing when a skid is going to show up. God I can imagine your anxiety. I get anxious when SD comes over and I know when she is coming! Sheesh. You definitely need to stand your ground on this one. It's your home too!
Oh yes. BM just dumps an
Oh yes. BM just dumps an ENTIRE suitcase in my carport, whenever SS8 "wants to come over."
I don't think that is cool, do you? WHY does the kid need a freaking suitcase? HE HAS A Wii, that he can't seem to part with for one day. Nevermind the fact that there are 3 TV's in this house. 1 is in the nursery, the 2nd, in my bedroom and the other one in the livingroom needs a new "bulb." Not to mention that BS1 pulls on it and pulls it out of the wall.
Yeah, I know. Time for
Yeah, I know. Time for another argument. When I say nothing, all is well.
Well, BM thinks that I with my toddler am going to go pick up THEIR son at school, climb in and out of a 2 door car, get BS1 walk in the school, sign him out, not even get a "hi, bye, kiss my ass" from SS8 AND watch SS8 all afternoon till daddy comes in much later.
HELL NO ANYMORE.
As usual...HIS kid is
As usual...HIS kid is supposed to have 2 dads and 2 moms...that is, BD/BM and SMOM/SDAD when it is CONVENIENT for the BM and BD...ie. take him here, pick him up, cook, buy him this and that...but then, as soon as SMOM or SDAD says "no, can't do that in our house"...then it's no longer your kid.
I say, stay out of it. DO NOT pick up the kid or return, etc. Worry about you, your kid only. Let your DH and BM do everything related tot he SKID...that is how it would be had you not gotten married.
I agree. I don't actually
I agree. I don't actually have the energy lately. I am 40 something with a very "spirited" 15 month old son.
This is not something I agreed to when marrying DH. They are BOTH using their spouses for SS8. Sugarstepdad included.
Sooner or later, even the nicest of spouses get fed up.
I'd be saying I have errands
I'd be saying I have errands to do! Let DH cope with both his boys for a while and see how he likes it. Go to a coffee shop or a friends' house for a few hours and if he gets tired of taking care of two kids on his own then the message gets accross then he'll re consider a schedule.
That's a great idea. I might
That's a great idea. I might just try that one. Thx!