Unbelievable!
I am so utterly saddened by my SD 11. I am totally disengaged so this is really hard but in one fell swoop you guys are going to see why.... I live with my partner whom has full time residency of her which means I am FT step mum although I am disengaged like I said. This has been taken on really well by him. This child is more and more difficult for him and not me and he has done his best to sort her out.
Her time to spend with her mum which is half of the holidays only came around today, she has declared she wants to live with her!!! Just to reiterate she lives with us full time.
She has after all these years of having her dad bring her up,and most of it me.
She has just walked out and not even said a goodbye to us ! Her brother, her pets.
My partner said to her 'shall I tell your friends you have left?'
She said' No 'and said I will text them now. And did so.
She got out of the car and went to her mum at the meeting point without a goodbye for the dad that has looked after her always. (Sickening)
Her mum has been refused residency in courtnof her the twice she tried to get custody of her in the uk.
She is now at her mums and we are lost!
What would you do guys?
Sorry if my grammar is crap we are in a bit of a pickle x
She tried to get custody and
She tried to get custody and was refused but she is allowed contact half of the school holidays only..
Refused custody but is only
Refused custody but is only allowed to see her half of the holidays. So she left today for her time with her and she has said she has gone to live there!
Refused custody but is only
Refused custody but is only allowed to see her half of the holidays. So she left today for her time with her and she has said she has gone to live there!
She's pretty old to be
She's pretty old to be fighting in court or enforcing a court order as 'punkin' suggested above. Plus she seems pretty determined so she should be let go. However she may wish to come back and maybe in short order. If that happens Daddy should tell her that if she leaves again take everything because she cannot bounce back and forth. Pick one and that's it. Meanwhile lets try to see what is going on in her mind.
First don't expect kids to be thankful. They didn't ask to be here and someone has wiped her butt all of her life. Why should things change now and why be grateful? That's the world she was brought into and the parents made that commitment. Around age 17 they start getting aware - as my step-daughter put it "They can throw me out".
Surely it must have been shocking and perhaps she know it and planned it that way but most likely she's operating on a whim. Maybe a boy next door to her mother looks inviting - she's getting towards that age. You said she's getting more and more difficult. That tells me she's hoping for a better deal at Mum's and likely she'll get it. Generally mothers are where a older girl should be anyway so in the end I believe you should do nothing - wait and see.
A couple of weekends from now Dad should call and take her out to dinner and see how things are going. Perhaps without you since you're disengaged. He should NOT try to talk her home but he of course can listen to her and respond to any subject she brings up. By not begging her he'll ruin any power play going on by showing he can't be pushed and shoved over this issue. I'm highly suspect of this as she may be searching for some way to increase her sway over him in the ongoing tussle which you call "being difficult". She cannot be allowed to hold this over his head and by not trying to talk her back he completely removes that power.
If your partner has custody
If your partner has custody them BM just kidnapper your SD and your partner needs to call the police to have BM put in prison.
11 yo kids do not get to chose where they live and the custodial parent needs to bring the authorities down on the NCP in this situation like a ton of shit in a one gallon ziplock.
IMHO of course.
You can drag her by the hair
You can drag her by the hair but it'll only deepen her resolve. There is more going on here than a 8 yo throwing a fit. I reaffirm my advice above.
I agree. The only problem in
I agree. The only problem in this situation is she said the mother was denied custody, which makes me wonder. Here in the states you have to be incarcerated or on crack to not get custody as a mom. But if Dad thinks Mom won't cause/allow harm, then she should be able to stay w/ Mom. The court has to make a decision, one or the other, that doesn't mean the other is not an option, it means the other is second best. We need to remember tweens and teens are human beings and not our property to force with a court order against their will. That would be like a mom saying, "NO you CAN'T see your Dad on Thursday, because the visitation paper says TUESDAY!" I mean, really? And that decision was made by a judge, who barely knows either parent or the child. We need to start using common sense and stop letting the courts dictate what we can/can't do with our kids. Also, if stepmom has disengaged, can you imagine how "fun" life is at Dad's? Maybe a dose of reality at Mom's will even help the situation.
Thanks everyone! We are torn.
Thanks everyone! We are torn. In one breath we feel like going to get her sorry ass and and bring her back and get her referred to a child psychologist, as this has made us realise how utterly nuts she is, the complete lack of emotion is very disturbing! The other part of us feels like leaving her there as she has been horrendous for quite some time and I am disengaged from her and her baggage and her dad hasn't been able to deal with her. Maybe she will be better off living with her mum the new boyfriend and her other 4 kids. She hadn't asked her mum if she could live with her funnily enough. She is absolutely pathetic and this is another manifestation of her behavioural problems, totally fed up of her.