Two homes

Headmayexplode's picture

SD is with us 50% of time. BM lives 45 minutes away which is  the area were school, friends, activities for SD are. there is nothing going on for her in our area. 

My question is how can DH make our home more like her home so SD has friendship groups and things to do here. Rather than running backwards and forwards 1.5hr per trip. 
Bearing in mind that CS is crippling so there is little left for more activities and BM won't consider signing up SD for anything that isn't within 10 minutes of her home. 

I'm disengaged but DH asked me for advise, so I'll be passing on the advice and then leaving him to it. 
Are there any ways parents can support child to make friendships outside of school that doesn't cost the earth! 


Wicked stepmo.'s picture

If you have friends with kids the same age start hanging out with them and bring SD along maybe she will make friends.

ndc's picture

Your DH has crippling CS even though he has 50/50? That shouldn't happen and it infuriates me. 

How old is SD?   Do you know people with kids her age? Are there kids her age in the neighborhood? Is she an outgoing, social kid? Is she young enough for rec league sports? Those tend not to be terribly expensive.  Are you active in a church? Sometimes church youth groups are good for meeting people. With covid it's going to be tough to find friends outside of school, although it only takes one.

justmakingthebest's picture

What about joining something like the YMCA in your area? There are all kinds of family classes that you can do and maybe meet some people. You wouldn't have to "sign up" for anything really other than the membership, but it could create some new connections for her. 

Dogmom1321's picture

I second making friends in the neighborhood. If she is there 50/50 she should be able to form some friendships. 

skell76's picture


skell76's picture

while not as crippling as before, it's asinine to me they share 50/50 and he pays 65% of everything AND she still gets significant CS and filed for upward deviation oy.  

Regardless, it's great your DH is recongnizing this as important.  Church (youth group), friends that have kids, volunteer in your area (we have a community garden we participate in), YMCA or other gyms have family events not sure if you belong to one. If you don't the driving force behind it ;) 

Rags's picture

When we were broke we did things fairly locally and had many great family adventures. Fossil hunting, Johnny Quest adventures in local parts and wilderness areas, cliff diving into local lakes and rivers.  

See if she would like to invite a friend to come with her occasionally and plan out interesting things.  Most places have festival calendars each year, etc....  There really is no need to spend a ton of money.  Doing things together builds closeness and engagement.

Good luck.


Headmayexplode's picture

These are all brilliant. Once we can will invite friends to our house but looking into local church groups where she can mix with own age, all our family are lot older children, teens+ so that doesn't work. There are not many children play out like I used to as a child around here, don't hear them in back yards or see them in streets. Maybe they are locked up?! 

have suggested all to DH so over to him. I'm not being the one to push this, I'll join in when it suits me but after promising to disengage for my own sanity and self respect it'll be over to him.