Short-sighted Ex-wife not helping to build blended family
I asked the Ex-wife out to dinner!
Okay, I know many people here will think I'm nuts and that I'm just asking for trouble - and that's what I'd like to discuss.
You see, my brother-in-law comes from a divorced family. Both his parents remarried and his sister found it very difficult to accept her stepmom. Long story short, the two ladies (the Ex and the Second Wife) got to know each other and built a friendship which allowed the two sides to come together amicably. Fast forward to today, the entire family - with both sets of parents - gets together for family occasions, celebrations and they've even gone on holiday together. The end result? The kids, my bro-in-law and his sister, benefit from having both parents in their lives. The blended family dream.
So when my DH met me and got to know my bro-in-law's family, I knew he longed for his family to be like this someday. We've been married three years now - together as a couple for 4.5 years. The older two of his three kids, SD30 and SS34, cannot abide me as they believe remarriage is a sin. *roll eyes*
Now, his Ex was the one who forced the divorce on him. They were married for 30 years - the last 10 of which were acrimonious and saw them leading separate lives. Since she's moved on with her life, and I don't feel threatened by her at all, I thought if both of us ladies were cordial with each other - like my bro-in-law's mom and stepmom - perhaps we can start to build a bridge. At the end of the day, I figured if us ladies are comfortable with each other, then they could have family occasions with both the Ex and DH present and that may help the skids accept the situation better.
So I emailed the Ex and asked her to dinner. Initially, she accepted my invitation. Then a couple of days later, she replied that she changed her mind and that she did not agree with my suggestion that friendly relations between us might help the children.
"As far as I understand, it will make no difference whether we get to know each other or not. It will not 'pave the way for improved relations' or make things better for ' everyone, especially the children' as you seem to think, simply because these relationships were damaged by DH (& please forgive my bluntness), together with you. I was not involved at all then when the rifts happened, & I certainly don't want to be involved now. It's not my role, responsibility, or even my place to be."
[Aside: Wow. WE damaged the relationships??? Er, lady, YOU were the one who shut DH out for 10 years, forced the divorce on him and broke up the family. Take some responsibility, why don't you!!!]
So the dinner never happened. No big loss, really. But a pity she can't see long term how her children are the ones to benefit if us ladies did take the first steps in helping the family heal.
Anyway, I wanted to know if anybody here has a family situation like my bro-in-law's where both sets of remarried parents are friendly and make the blended family dream possible. Do share as it would be encouraging to know it's not peculiar to my bro-in-law's family!