How do you solve a problem like an enabling parent?
Enabling parents are possibly the most stubborn people on earth.
DH: May I go visit my daughter tomorrow?
Me: Do you even see why that question is problematic?
DH: I'm asking you coz I promised you I would check with you, didn't I?
Me: It's not that. Why are you always going to her? Why are you always the one making the effort?
DH: But she's got a baby.
Me: Who is almost one year old. You do realise people go back to work after four month's maternity, right? And you do realise she lives with her in-laws and they have a domestic helper so she has all the help she needs, right?
DH: But she's not working and doesn't have any money.
Me: Initiating contact with you doesn't mean she has to pay for anything.
One hour later...
Me: Do you not see that you're enabling her?
DH: How so?
Me: The more you keep initiating and going to her, the more she is conditioned not to make any effort with you.
DH: But she needs the support at this stage in her life.
Me: When is it going to change? When she goes back to work and has more responsibilities, or when she has another baby, you think she's going to have time to make an effort with you then when she doesn't now?
Another hour later...
Me: Let me put it this way. Do you agree that your relationship is very unequal?
DH: Okay, yes.
Me: Do you agree that she doesn't treat you as a daughter should treat her father.
DH: *very reluctantly* Yes.
Me: If she doesn't treat YOU right, why would you expect her to treat ME right?
I think I finally got through to him. I am exhausted.