My effing HUSBAND gave his 1 year old IPHONE 4 to HIS KID, after he got his new IPHONE 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:jawdrop:
Yes folks, you read that correctly.....here's where the issues lie:
I have 2 bios 10, 7. He has skid 9. WE ALL LIVE TOGETHER and none of our kids has their other bio DEADBEAT parent in their lives. Skid comes downstairs Sat afternoon and tells me "daddy gave him his old phone".....I told hubby "oh no I don't fuckin think so".....his reply: both of your kids has ipods, now mine does too.........HOLLLLLDDDDD the fuck on............
My 10 yr old made his communion 2 years ago. he took his own communion money and bought one of those little clip on nano's. I got an iphone this year and let my older and younger kid have my FOUR YEAR OLD nano because the new nano my kid bought doesn't hold all the songs that my old one does. So, hubby thinks it's ok to give his kid a 300+ dollar IPHONE with all kinds of apps on it and camera, etc. It doesn't work as a 'phone' anymore, but still, this FAR EXCEEDS what my kids have. I have seriously barely spoken to, NOR SLEPT WITH him since this happened!!!!!!!!!!!
none of our kids take care of their stuff.......ever. so, i'm going to let it go for a few weeks.....then when I find it on the floor.....it's going IN MY PURSE and i'll be driving a few blocks away to the river, parking my car, and TOSSING THE FUCKING THING RIGHT IN!!!!!!!!!!
DO NOT FUCK WITH ME AND MY KIDS, you obviously have NO IDEA what i'm capable of!!!!!!!!!!!!
thoughts, do you think this was fair or unfair????
Honestly, I think you're
Honestly, I think you're being ridiculous.
It isn't a "phone" now and IS functioning just like an ipod touch.
I have no idea why you think this is DH "fucking with you and your kids."
You have an insane amount of anger over this. WHY? You're gonna go toss it in the river?!?
my kids don't have an ipod
my kids don't have an ipod touch, why should his? and why should he be given a 300 piece of equipment with apps etc. my kids don't have that.....
You're just a jealous
You're just a jealous stepmom.
Get over it.
And then get a full time job to take care of YOUR kids.
Why should YOUR kids have gotten ipods when HIS kid didn't?? You sure had no problem with THAT, now didya???
SMH.
because MY KID bought his
because MY KID bought his ipod with his OWN MONEY before we all lived together. His kid had nintendo ds's that my kids didn't have, that his dad bought him, BEFORE WE LIVED together...now that we live together, are married, we make sure shit is equal.....always. this isn't EQUAL in any way, shape, or form.
And i'm glad you think that because I don't have a FULL TIME JOB that i'm not TAKING CARE OF MY KIDS......so, stay-at-home moms work doesn't count to you???
Get. A. Job. Support your
Get. A. Job.
Support your kids.
You gave YOUR KIDS your old nano. Said so yourself. What about SS?
So... it's ok for you to give YOUR bios your old stuff, but GOD FORBID that DH/SO does the same!!!
How can you NOT see the hypocrisy of your actions?!?
BTW, NO, being a "SAHM" does NOT work for you, because your ex is MIA and you have TWO DAMN KIDS to support. Who supports them??? Hmmm??? If you are supporting all three of you on part time employment, I'm in the wrong line of work.
If your SO is supporting you and your kids, you are so far out of line I cannot define it.
they got my old NANO before
they got my old NANO before WE ALL LIVED TOGETHER AND WERE MARRIED, what part of that are you missing??? SKID had a nintendo ds that my kids didn't ever get, BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED. I have no problems AT ALL with what hubby gave his kid BEFORE WE WERE LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE AND MARRIED.....just because my husband supports all of us FINANCIALLY, he should be able to give his kid whatever he wants and not be fair to mine? His kid is AUTISTIC, I feed him everyday, I help him dress every day, I set up play-dates for his kid, I communicate with all his teachers on how to make him successful in the classroom, etc. AND, my husband ISNT SUPPORTING US THIS MONTH, re-read above. I had to ask my MOTHER for our RENT MONEY this month because HUBBY fucked up his entire bank account. He had 400 dollars for a new fucking phone, but NO RENT MONEY....And I had a fulltime job my entire life...it was a MUTUAL decision for me to work part time and stay home with the kids, so you have absolutely NO RIGHT to judge me on that, NONE. His kid is NOT going to be treated BETTER in my hosue just because his FATHER makes more money than me........THATS COMPLETE BULLSHIT.
Why don't you buy xmas presents this year for ONLY your FAVORITE child, and none for the others....see how that works for ya....
Well, I support my bios with
Well, I support my bios with no help from XH or DH. I support them, because I am their mother, and they will get "even" Christmas gifts.
On a related note to your issue, if your DH is THAT irresponsible with money, why oh why would you rely on him to be the breadwinner?!? Man, I would NOT hitch my financial future to a man who buys a new iPhone5 with the rent money that's supposed to house his family.
I'm sorry, but this isn't
I'm sorry, but this isn't about you or your kids.
Now I can see the issue you have with him buying a new phone while borrowing mortgage money from your mother. That should be the issue. It seems you have some financial issues in this relationship you have to address.
It is part of the issue for
It is part of the issue for sure. The issue is with HUBBY and his irresponsibility....
Yep. It's all SO's
Yep. It's all SO's fault.
Forget the fact that you barely contribute financially, but want to blame him for financial problems AND piss and moan if he gives something to his kid.
why is this about FINANCE for
why is this about FINANCE for you? no stay at home mother contributes FINANCIALLY to their household. But i'm wicked for staying at home to raise all three of our boys? I wish you could hear yourself. AND YES the financial problems are hubby's. HE SPENT THE RENT MONEY because he refuses to MANAGE his account online and/or via statements. How the hell do you think you have 1300 EXTRA DOLLARS just lying around in an account? I didn't bounce the check, HE DID.
and yes, i'm gonna piss and moan if HIS kid gets something IN OUR HOME that my kids don't. that's what steptalk is for, TO VENT....and I will exercise my right, thank you very much
I think bioparents should
I think bioparents should support their children. That goes for women just as much as it goes for men.
I happen to think SAHM work IS work. I did it for more than a dozen years.
I think it's ridiculous for you to expect/allow your SO to support your kids, but complain if he gives his son an old piece of equipment.
Which, in hyper-ironic fashion, is EXACTLY what you've done before.
Clearly, you don't get it. And you're setting yourself up for years of problems with your attitude.
Do you treat the three boys
Do you treat the three boys as equals?
of course, they ALL LIVE
of course, they ALL LIVE TOGETHER, full time with us. If I buy one a piece of candy, all 3 get a piece of candy.....yes, they are all equally treated.
Fair unless you paid for the
Fair unless you paid for the phone.
It seems like it was fine when your kids had something his didn' t. Now that his kid has the better "toy" you're upset.
If they were all bios, most
If they were all bios, most bioparents living in the same house with several kids end up having to be fair to all of them.
Why wouldn't OP's husband have to be fair to all the kids living in the same house?
I don't think OP is a "jealous stepmom." If I had 2 biokids with DH and he gave one something better than the other, I would definitely say something.
Yes, that's true
Yes, that's true (above)...Well obviously we do treat kids 'differently' but not un-equally. I love my kids and can't stand skid. BUT i'd never go BUY MY KIDS something and not buy him something. EVER. Hubby normally wouldn't do that either. I'm sure he prolly feels the same about my kids, but he never goes out and buys just his kid something and not mine. Neither of us do that to eachother's kids. I feed his kid the same as mine, I buy his kid clothes, same as mine, I let each kid at the grocery store pick out one thing they want special. FAIRNESS. Not, give my kid 5 bucks to spend at the pool and give his kid 2.
Frustr8d1, thank you
Frustr8d1, thank you
Like I keep saying, it's that
Like I keep saying, it's that horrible Double-fucking-Standard! You are free to tell DH not to favor the bios, but the minute you tell him not to favor the skid, WHOA---Now you've crossed the line, you jealous evil stepmom! :sick:
I wouldn't like it if DH gave more to one bio than another, and I would be LIVID if he gave SD something better than my bio! Because....shhhh...don't tell anyone...I can't stand SD! She makes our life miserable as hell!
i'd rather be a SINGLE MOM
i'd rather be a SINGLE MOM again, living in my mother and father's house with my kids, than for them to GROW up in a house where their STEPPARENT blatantly treats them unfairly in favor of his kid. so if he wants to leave and move him and his kid back into his parents home, he's free to do so at any time.
This. I think you might be a
This. I think you might be a bit upset right now because it is a lot of things piled on top of one another. We girls do that. We're not mad, annoyed, slightly mad, slightly mad, slightly mad, a bit more mad, and then BOOM REALLY MAD with all the force of every "mad feeling" that came before combined.
It's. the financial thing, can't even count on him for that, and the one thing you thought you could, which was that he would be fair to everyone, he throws in your face too. I get that. I would prioritize what is the biggest issue and work your way DOWN the list with him, finding a solution to them one by one. Biggest issue: Financial responsibility. Second issue: Fairness for the kids.
I know it's hard to think right now, because you just want to make him feel how you do with all the stuff he's done that both directly and indirectly hurts you, but please remember you love him and he loves you and deserves to have a chance to find a solution that works for all of you before you up and rip everything apart. I know because I go through this sometimes (my monthly visitor does odd things to my normally abnormal level of patience and I explode.)
Take a walk, a deep breath, and emotionally detach yourself from this issue. Then look for a solution and have one to propose before you sit him down and work it out.
I wish you the best of luck.
dledden, This drink is for
dledden, This drink is for you:
It's called the "Double Standard"
Ingredients:
Diet Pepsi/Coke--Because being a SM has stripped away everything real and good about me.
Bacardi Rum--Because that's the official drink of PR. (substitue alcohol, depending on where your DH is from)
1 Marachino Cherry--Add 1 cherry for each skid. Because that's what's been thrown in the mix for a recipe for disaster. Sweet to you, but bitter to me.
Mix until frustration fades: Because DH is allowed to vent & complain about his job, but the new and unimproved SM is not allowed to vent & complain about her job as SAH-SM.
I can kind of see where you
I can kind of see where you are at. BUT - it's not like it's a car, or a college scholarship. Just trying to put things in perspective for you. Maybe try to find something similar to give to your children? -
Wow, so now I wrote what "I"
Wow, so now I wrote what "I" do that is "better" than OP.
Ummm, ok.
I'm super tired of entitled stepmothers who work to make their entire family miserable. And THEN wonder why their relationship falls apart.
To me, it falls under, "No shit, Sherlock." Sorry.
Days like today on this board make me SO glad my kids don't have a SM to contend with.
SAF, I don't think I've ever
SAF, I don't think I've ever directly commented on anything you've said but I must respectfully say that often, what you post is emotionally charged (perhaps from your own life experiences) to the point where what you say can be construed as attacking, demeaning, belittling, and hurtful. I don't know if attacking posters is your purpose or your motivation, but perhaps you can be a little less confrontational and a little more understanding that a lot of these people have been hurt over and over again and are at their limit.
They feel alone, misunderstood, and now attached. I don't think generating bad feelings with people is something that is admirable or something we should strive to do when they may need some gentle guidance and advice. You, as you have often shown in your post, are very protective of the feelings and emotions of kids, step or not, and would immediately come to their defense if the stepparent or parent said something you believe was out of line, often regardless of how rude the skid/kid was, because you understand they may have issues due to their upbringing or past experiences. I am only asking (of course, you don't know me nor do you need to fulfill my request) that you show others here the same respect you ask them to show their skids.
If you truly want to help the situation, and help the families and the skids, giving constructive advice that is as devoid of emotional bias is the best way to do it. A large portion of posters on this site have problems with the way you express and present your advice/opinions. If you truly wish to help and contribute to their well being, it would probably be best to speak from a place of understanding and respect if you could.
Maybe you think you should be able to say what you want and how you want it and if they can't take it, it's their fault. If that's the case, then it would be hypocritical of you to criticize stepparents for doing the same thing to their spouses and their stepkids. Please think about it.
YES! You did. You always
YES! You did. You always attack OPs, then proceed to tell them how YOU do things and how much you have suffered and sacrificed. It's your delivery. It's a shame, because you DO have some very useful perspectives but the advice gets lost in your delivery. You come across as preaching that you have done such harder things than everyone else so you don't understand why others can't work FT, stay at home FT, be the breadwinner, AND be a great parent all at the same time.
"Wow, so now I wrote what 'I' do that is "better" than OP."
Yes, indirectly you did write that:
"Well, I support my bios with no help from XH or DH. I support them, because I am their mother, and they will get 'even' Christmas gifts."
SAF, I need to say this. I
SAF, I need to say this. I totally agree with you on this:
"Days like today on this board make me SO glad my kids don't have a SM to contend with."
It makes me even more pissed at SD9's BM for being so stupid that she doesn't even TRY to get full custody of SD! She's one of those deadbeat moms you "love" so much. After being a SM myself and seeing all the shit on this board, I don't know how BM could leave her own in someone else's care!
What a bigger POS than I ever imagined.
Everyone is entitled to their
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Everyone’s situation is unique and we can’t always apply our personal experiences to someone else’s problem, because we may be a bit jaded in some respects. All we can do is listen, try to understand where they are coming from, give them our opinions, advice and tell them what we may do in the same situation.
Everyone has feelings and those can’t be denied and they are not “wrong”.
The cool thing about this site is that we can usually post our honest feelings, vent and not be judged, because we are all in the same boat… otherwise we wouldn’t be here. We all need support in some way or we wouldn't be here.
So,dledden...for what its worth : ) You may be over-reacting but I do understand where you are coming from and I think I would feel the same. Even if you did give your kids a nano, thats not the same as an ipod (or Iphone). Personally, our family has very bad luck with phones and I would want to keep that old Iphone as a backup in case something happens to yours and you need one. Maybe look on ebay and try to find a nano comparable to what your kids have and replace the iphone with that?? But at least the iphone is not activated as a phone...be glad of that!!
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I think you are over reacting
I think you are over reacting too! I agree with other posters who said you give your kids things sometimes and not Skid. Let it go. This is not the hill you want to die on.
Dh spending rent money should be more your concern. Maybe you and DH need to sit down and discuss the budget - or make a budget and agree to stick to it.