I've been dating a man for a few years now, who has a child the same age as one of my own (11) I have 2 bio children and he has one, he has full custody because her mother passed away. My concerns are all over the place tbh. Firstly, I find we aren't on the same page when parenting. My bf (40s) has lived with his mother for years up until he moved in with me. His mom is the agressive abrasive type who sees him as the golden boy of their family who can do no wrong. (Shes very narcissistic) She has constantly catered to both him and his child in every way!! Which has really affected things here since they moved in. His child is entitled and expects everything to be done for her because this is what grandma has done.. up until she moved here, she never before even had a shower on her own. I feel like my bf and I do most of our arguing because of his child. Im constantly asking her to not throw garbage on the floor (please put it in the garbage can) hang up your coat, turn off the light pls, move your dishes etc.. amongst many other things Im repeatedly saying every single day, that I don't think i should have to say to an 11 year old. When I eventually have had enough with it, I approach my bf to deal with it, but he gets defensive instead and sees it as me picking on her. My kids don't need these reminders and while I am aware that kids are raised differently, i don't think i should have to ask 6-8 times for something to get done every day. My bfs mother has been playing "mom" to this child her entire life, so my bf lacks some serious skills in how to parent. I had a convo with him a few weeks back about how I felt like I went from being a single mom of 2 to a single mom to FOUR (yes him included!!!) We came up with some chores for the kids to do, because they don't help out as much as I would like.. it started off well, but after day 1 he started doing all her chores FOR her. I got annoyed.. we had a BIG fight about it and he moved back to his mom's. Hes moved in and out of here quite a few times now, running to his mom with all our personal buisness and making me look like the bad guy. I have started to feel like im in a relationship with both him AND his mom, and its a huge turn off!! I also hate that he isnt independent enough to have his own place, hes always been content living with his mother and not paying rent. (He hasnt been paying here either) i struggle having conversations with him because he's avoidant AF, and like a 5 year old when I attempt convos. Our smallest conversations end up in blown out proportions because he simply cant communicate with me. He mentioned counceling so we can learn to communicate better, but never made the appt.. so I did. The day of the appt, he cancelled it because i didn't send him an i love you text before bed the night before. I was SOOO annoyed by this. I love his child like my own, we are really close, but I REALLY struggle parenting her, and I honestly feel like I'm doing it all alone. I DONT feel like I have a supportive partner at ALL. My question I suppose is.. do you help this man "grow up" to be who he should be at this age? OR move on? I dont feel like things will change honestly i do love him, but I am really uncertain if counceling would even help at this point. I feel like I am a good communicator, i haven't had any issues in past relationships because of communication. Has anyone experienced something similar?