The kids will tear us apart...its already happening
Spent the weekend with SO and all four of our combined kids.
Tonight as we were talking and I'm preparing to pack up and head home I say how I wish I didn't have to keep leaving. He says stay another night.
We watched sweet home Alabama. As the marriage scene is coming on we start talking about how neither of us is sure if our relationship will survive living together. He says " way too many pretty snotty personalities to deal with in such a small house ".
Every year we make the same resolution to pay off debt and find a bigger place to share a home once and for all.
I say to him that we've been making the same promise and not moving forward with anything for over four years.
I say outloud ( as the three teens can be heard in the living room screaming at the five year old to shut up and he's crying for the fourth time) , " Maybe we need to figure out what we're doing then because its the definition of insanity to keep repeating the same thing over and over and never get a different result ".. he looks up and says " you mean about US or about us living together?". I stopped myself.........
Instead I said, " about us living together"... as I leave the room to break up another argument and see the two girls screaming at the youngest again and wonder to myself as I'm on the verge of another migraine, " why can't you just be HONEST with yourself.. _... then the brighter side of me tries to reason and remind the dark side that this too shall pass...and don't give up...
So I settle in to finish angry birds and the end of the movie which, inevitably ends up with my crying and him asking me why... I just brush it off as he tries to tickle my arms and :O kiss my face to get me to smile..
I tell him I need to leave for a bit.. head out to get an ice tea and a candy bar...
I come back and my oldest is screaming at the youngest and the sound of his cries as she and my FSD are bullying him are penetrating the walls into my SOs bedroom... he sees me about to break...snap....
Going back to the conversation about not being able to live together because of the kids ( its running through ny brain like a broken record, repeating with loud hard twangs of emotional sacrifice and an onslaught of another headache ... repeating and giving me the answer to my question ) " should we live together ".
The screaming gets louder...all of the teens 16 14 & 13 are yelling at the five yo telling him to shut up..
A book is thrown. A shoe....
I snap.......
Picking up my sons toys and clothes, and deflating the airbed in the dining room, I yell to my 14 yo daughter to PACK UP WE ARE LEAVING I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE I'M SICK OF LISTENING TO THE ARGUING.
And in that moment, answer in hand, revelation staring me down like a hot blistering sun, I gather all of our things, pack up the car, explain in very short disappointed words to my SO that I just can't stay another night....
And in five minutes, I had deconstructed our weekend and shoved all of the remains into my car..
My last words to him as he stood confused and slightly baffled on the porch were, " I'm sorry. I just can't do this right now"
The thing is, he stood there and said he loved me, as if he was just saying a normal " see you later "... but in MY heart, I meant that phrase the way it came out..
I think I may have just said goodbye but he doesn't know that's what I meant.
I'm starting to wonder how children can have so much power over a relationship that they can be the make it or break it piece of the puzzle.
All I know is, right now I feel like I've broken anything I had left to give and I don't know anymore if this is ever going to work out.
Being a parent sucks sometimes.
Trying to blend families is going to end us.
I think that the kids should
I think that the kids should have been in the same room as you and SO and watching a movie together and blending a little better and behaving a little better too. The kids ALL of them were behaving badly to get attention, negative attention is still attention. They probably all resented being put together without any supervision or guidance from iether of you. I think I might feel resentful too if I were the older kids.
Incidentally, DH and I started out in a one room efficiency and the kids were ALWAYS in the same room as us. We sneaked into the kitchen or on the back porch when they were asleep for 'our' time. Actually, quality time includes the kids! We'd all snuggle up to watch a movie.
I agree with the above, when
I agree with the above, when we was growing up ( there was 4 kids) and we could not behave ourselves we were told to sit down on the couch or where ever my parents were and we was 12 and 13. When they get out of control they have to be put back in control. Also sounds like to me you are more stressed and we have all done it where we get this " Forget this crap addittude". I know its so easy to be frustrated, exspecially dealing with teenagers who act like they are 6 years old... but if they are not corrected and put in place then they have control and are running the house. If the baby kept crying and being upset I would not trust them to handle the baby without supervision, young teenagers like that have patience for little ones for a span of a hour then they get bored with babys and dont want to deal with them cuz of course they at this age are about them, and not reasponsible anyways
You can make your relationship work just sounds like more structure and ground rules need to be placed, and once that gets in order and understood ( in a knowing routine of consequences) then you both might be able to focus on your relationship and your life a little more.It is hard blending familys and theres different emotions flying around, but the most important feeling is you getting yours in check so you have a clear mindset about what you want and dont want, what you can handle and what you cant.
First if all. Thank you all
First if all. Thank you all for replying. Second, the older ones weren't being asked or forced to babysit anyone.
The house is a 1000 sf .
My FSS was on the computer, my daughter was doing her homework and listening to music and ny FSd was in her iPhone and watching a movie in the background.
The little one was running bewteen the bedrooms and the living rm playing with toys.
We had already spent the entire day as a family together at the back, park and got luch.
Going to the bedroom ( five feet from them ) was not ignoring them or asking them to babysit.
Wed already spent family.time together and we alllll scattered to do.our own things.
I believe the youngest is the
I believe the youngest is the instigator, nothing in common with the older ones, they were doing things that did not include him and his behaviors were demanding and attention seeking. Consider how annoying it is for older kids, influding your daughter, to have a child running around room to room and screaming and making noise? I think that maybe you were not feeling good and overreacted. That or you are not asserting yourself, people are not going to alter things if they have no clue what you want? What do you want? Not to have migraines I betcha?
Consider asking one of the older ones to entertain the youngest while you and SO enjoy a movie? I think that some conversations need to happen for it to work out amicably here.
If the kids are going to tear
If the kids are going to tear you two apart..
you only have yourself and your boyfriend to blame..
You needs some rules in that house and respect...
I am not in your shoes but the last time I checked..
my husband and I were the boss of our home.
My skids (age 9.. twins ) and daughter (7) don't make
the rules of my home.....
If you two love eachother enough...Please find a way too survive..
Seek outside help...go to talk to someone who can put you all in
the right direction.
Prioritize (spelling) your life...
What is important to you...what is important to him..
Good Luck Sweetie...
You may all get a better
You may all get a better understanding of my frustration by reading my bookmarked blog entries and forum entries