Lately,
I need to vent, i need to express myself, i need and outlet for my rage feelings toward ILs. Writing helps a LOT. My blog helps a lot. Thanks Steptalk for existing !

We had a really bad news today. It's not about SS, but it affect DH a LOT. The bad news we had is the direct result from ILs bad advise at the time DH listened to them (at this time, we just met). 

I told many times here how much they are toxic. Their advise are also toxic (even if it was DH responsibility to listen to them, i'm not trying to clear him here, but jesus what a mess they created !) and we feel the consequences years after !

This bad news make me rethink about my first steps as a step mother. I was 25, absolutely not used to this way of live and really full of goodwill toward SS and DH. I wanted things to work. MIL was really not happy for me to came in the picture. 

First memory : the closet
SS came for the first time in our appartment. He came for the week-end with absolutely no bag and the only clothes he had were the one he was wearing. I asked naively to SO (now the father of my son) where were his bag. MIL was here and answered direclty "WE don't want him to travel with a bag. It's so disturbing for a child. It's up to DH to make him feel home and pay for an entire double wardrobe here". Me "but it's stupid, he grows up fast, SO will have to buy clothes, shoes and coat every semester so SS wears them 2 or 3 times". MIL " Oh no, SS will bring back to BM things he likes, and SO always buy new things EOWE; it's HIS son, he MUST assume". 

Second memory : i'm sick
I was home and sick. I couldn't go to work. DH was at work and SS at MIL house. I have a terrible headache and fever. Then, i heard the door ring bell urgently. I woke up from my bed, open the door and see MIL with SS (aged 6). 
I asked what's was going on, MIL "Oh, DH told me you are sick. But SS wants to come home". Me : "i'm sick, can't work and DH is at work. If i was capable of watching SS, I would be at work, you can come inside with him but i'm going to bed" MIL : "oh no sweety, it breaks my heart to see SS rejected from his OWN home. You know, it's his home and since he wants to go home, you must take him". And she left me the child.

Third memory : first holidays
SS was supposed to come here during two weeks for holidays. The first holidays with him. DH and I were supposed to work with no option to take days off. I just took a new job and his business needed him. We wanted to registed SS to activity camp but said she wanted to keep him during work times. She agreed and we didn't registered SS to activity camp. The day before he arrived, she called DH and said "I just can't take him anymore, it's up to you as a father to watch for YOUR kid. You wanted him, you assume !". Of course, too late for registration. MIL called me "I'm sorry but as a step mother, you have to make SS your priority on your job. Take days off, and if they don't allow them just quit the job". This ended DH brang SS at his work every single days. MIL : "this child is victim of bad treatment, i can't watch this". After this story, we never ever trusted MIL again on her abilities to keep SS during vacation.

Fourth memory : SS is sick
One day, SS came really sick at home. I asked BM if he had a medical treatment. She answered "i haven't anticipate and bring them, but yes you need to give him this and this and this". We didn't have the medicine at home, there were really specific, it was night and DH had to ask pharmacy to reopen to buy them. I said to MIL : "I'm surprised BM didn't anticipate the medicine, SS has fever, a bad cough and need medicine. Thankfully DH made the pharmacy reopen". She answered "DH must have all medicine a child could need. He is the father and need to anticipate every single details. He need to assume his son. Shame on him to not have them at the very first". 

Fifth memory : the footbal game
SS had a football game. DH drived 4 hours after an entire day of work to see him play. I told MIL "i'm really proud of DH and all the efforts he does for his son". MIL answer : "It's just absolutely normal, the contrary will be just staggering".

Sixth memory : the lice
During the first summer, SS came with the head full of lice. We did treat him and disinfect all the stuff he touched : teddy, pillow, couch, clothes etc.. and ourself ! (for prevention). The thing took 4 hours. Unfortunately, the week after (at this time it was one week out of two schedule) the lice were back on his head. We did treat him and disinfect all the house AGAIN. The third week, i asked DH to get him directy in the shower to check his head as soon as he entered the house. SIL and MIL were there when it occured (and lice were there too!) . SIL said loudly to DH in front of SS : "Oh, this is child abuse! I can't tolerate it ! You are a god to him now, but when he will realize how a bad father you are, he will just leave and never ever see you again".

Seventh memory : the birthday
For the first birthday i spent with SS, MIL offered to use her house. She rented at this time a small house with garden. DH agreed as we lived in an flat. We decided to organize SS a surprise : the plan was to bring him to MIL where all his friends waited him, with gifts, cake, candies an many activities. I offered to help with house decoration while DH kept SS appart. I bought plenty of baloons and decorations, take the cake and candies and went to MIL. SIL and MIL where there : oh you can start decorate ! I ended blowing up every single baloon all by myself while they were chatting on the sofa. DH and I offered a bike to SS. When he came, MIL and SIL said to him " look at the beautiful gift WE buy for YOU : ooooo it's a bikeee !". I just had no word. SS asked DH were was our gift and DH left to the shop to buy another gift in order to avoid any confrontation in front of the child.

Eighth memory : the pacifier 
SS were almost 8 and DH decided to limit the pacifier (finally!!). SS was highly addicted so DH started to limit the use for bed times. DH explained that to SIL and MIL and said to them pacifiers were not allowed anymore during daytimes. 
One day, SS spent a few hours at MIL. When we arrived to take him, we saw him with a pacifier in his mouth. DH was really upset as SS tried to hide the fact. DH asked him where he found it but SS didn't answered. DH went to the garden to calm down as he knew it was MIL fault. I stayed in the living room with SS and MIL. SS : "i'm really scared that dad starts to scream". MIL answer : "oh sweety, don't worry, if he screems, i will scream louder". 

It's just unbelievable how many stories come quickly to my mind. I'm sure a can write an entire book on ILs.