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His child is his EVERYTHING.

Ilovetattoos's picture

I'm so lost right now . I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and his son is now 2 . I met him when he was 1. The kids loves me but I hate to say this ... I can't stand him at times . Part of me faults his father . Let's start off with he gets him not just EVERY WEEKEND, but EVERY MORNING through the week . Monday - Thursday 5am-5pm then Friday - Sunday 24/7 . He works at 5pm so I seriously have NO time with him . I have brought it up a couple times and he just says " I choose to have my son " . I don't think it's fair that his BM gets to go out and have fun & lay up with whoever all weekend ! The kid even sleeps in the bed with us even though he has his own bed . He makes him sleep on his chest so I never get cuddled at all . He's always right there . He also has a obsession with his son which makes things worst . Anytime we go somewhere he's taking a million pictures to put on every social media account he has . Constantly brushing his hair , constantly changing his clothes , he was making him get haircuts at 1. He then post online and says things like " my son is better than every child " and he tells him this too . Tells him he is the best , you look better than all the kids , etc. From my view he is building a monster . He gets every thing he wants . He cries and screams in the stores . At home if he doesn't get what he wants he wil HIT ME & he was also called me a " b*tch " . I know some says he's just a kid but to me ... no ... he is BAD !  He picks up my things and I tell him put it down and he will just throw it and sometimes it will break . You can't sit him down because he will run around . He's not friendly at all . He wakes up screaming for juice and his favorite words are HELP ME & IM HUNGRY every morning I'm woke up at 8am. I think I'm losing my mind really . I have such a good heart and I've tried my best . My boyfriend tells me to whoop him but here's the thing ... for one I don't even see him doing that ! So that would make me look like the bad guy and for 2 I don't feel like I should even have to do that nor do I feel comfortable whooping another woman's child . We aren't married . I'm also put at the bottom when it comes to his son . I'm talking he goes out and gets food for him , nothing for me . Tells me in my responsibility to make sure I eat . He will call and he will tell me he's taking him to a water park ... I'm not invited . Actually I'm never invited when it comes time to the fun things . I just find out from a call or I find out from social media because he post everything. The BM is ghetto ... but we have no issues with each other . Another thing is we went out and was a shoe store and he showed me two pairs and asked me which ones I like more out of the two ... I was thinking he was getting them for me and I kid you not we pulled up to his BM house and he gave them to her ... just like that . I'm in such a bad position . There's so much more but that's the just of it . 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Nothing, and i mean NOTHING about this guy or this relationship sounds good. You are better off alone with cats.

ETA didn't mean to insult cats. Most of them are great company. 

hereiam's picture

I didn't even have to read all of your post. This is not the guy or the relationship for you.

Move on and leave him to raise his son, which is apparently what he wants to concentrate on. Which is fine, but he should not be in a serious relationship.

Okay, so I did read the rest of your post and this guy is just a douche and is raising a brat. Get yourself out of this.

 

Ilovetattoos's picture

I told him he's not ready for a serious relationship like I am because he doesn't even know how to separate the love from his kid and his partner . I get he wants his son to have everything... but I told him I have to fit in somewhere . I sit and watch him glorify his son in my face and I don't get a damn thing or lick of attention . Thank you I really needed that . 

SteppedOut's picture

Yea.. I am with the above posters. 

Seriously? Why stay in this relationship? Your bf is a crap bf and an even worse parent. 

And...the kid is 2 and calling you a 'b? Kids aren't born with language skills - he is being taught those words (and behavior).

Ilovetattoos's picture

I don't have any children but lord knows my chosen wouldn't be behaving this way . No way my child would be calling me or anyone else the word. His mother uses it a whole whole lot and she's one of those that thinks it's CUTE for a child to curse . I have to get out. I just allows myself to get so deep in that I'm literally crawling out . We stay together . But the home is in my name only . I have to figure something out ASAP . Thank you 

hereiam's picture

Tell him it's not working and he's going to have to move out.

If you have to, legally evict him. Hopefully, he will go without it coming to that.

Winterglow's picture

Protect your sanity and your self respect and leave NOW. You are being used for paying the bills. It sounds like you're not even getting a decent sex life. Don't waste another minute on this useless apology for a father. And you are absolutely right, he is building a monster but he can't see it and you won't be able to make him see it. One day he'll wake up and realize that the only person is his world is his son but his son doesn't care a whit about him. Not your problem. 

You deserve so much better ... so dump this hopeless failure in the making and go and build a great life for yourself!

Ilovetattoos's picture

Thank you ... I really really needed to hear that . I feel that I've went crazy . Like I'm nothing anymore . I used to laugh and smile so much and now I'm not happy ... the best time I have is when him and his son leaves . I cry next to him in bed but he can't see me .. and just sometimes breaks out in cries anywhere I go . I let myself get controlled and taking advantage of and I am disappointed in myself . All the FAKE love he was showing at the beginning was just to lock me in ... the real now has come out and it took a year to do so ... thank you 

hereiam's picture

It can take at least 2 years to truly get to know somebody. Guys like this pull a bait and switch because they know you would not hang around if they show their true selves right away.

SteppedOut's picture

This! 

Do not feel bad for it happening. It is NOT your fault - it is HIS. HE did this.

Mamabearof3's picture

Everything about this post is horrible. But the shoes to BM. My husband delivered an energy drink to his ex at work in the very first weeks of our monogamous relationship and that was the last time he did something like that. F that. 

Rags's picture

What the hell are you doing continuously sacrificing and subjugating yourself to this dumb ass, his X and their rude and toxic failed family breeding experiment?

smh

STOP IT!

Ilovetattoos's picture

You are absolutely right ... I feel so weak ... he has put me down for so long . I lost all my friends ... everything I enjoyed doing . Controlled ... it took me so long to realize that I was being controlled emotionally & verbally ... I'm just now waking up & I feel so stuck . I have to come up with a plan . I don't even know what steps to take . We all live together . But the home is in my house . Would calling the polic even help me ? Shit .. I realized things after it got way too bad .

hereiam's picture

Double check that this is still current but I found this:

If he won't leave voluntarily, you must file a proper eviction proceeding after giving him written notice to leave, as required by Ohio law. But if he is making threats, you could file for a civil protection order, and the court could order him to stay out of the residence.

24 years as a SM's picture

Reach out to old friends or make new friends, go out and have fun by yourself. Go window shopping, a coffee or a walk in the park by yourself is better than sitting around with this verbally abusive jerk.

If you have joint bank account, separate your money, make sure he pay his share. This is to include the extra cost of having child in the house. If the brat breaks something of yours, HE needs to pay for that too.

If you decide to stay together with him, change the rules in your house, your house, your rules. If he wants to sleep with his little demon, tell him to go sleep in the other bedroom or he can leave. Hell for all that matters, kick his ass to the curb. If your renting tell him that he's not on the rental agreement and has 30 days to move out. If you own your home, then hand him a 30-day notice to vacate. If he gets verbally or physically abusive call the police and have him removed from the home. Call a domestic violence hotline and find out what can be done to kick him out.

Rags's picture

When he next leaves to do something with his kid, have the locks rekeyed.  Once you have done that have friends or family come stay with you, get a lawyer, go through the formal eviction process, and the to estalish a RO/PO keeping he and his child away from  you and  your property.

I would start by instructing him to leave your home.  Do not delay for a plan.  Give him the message and start the change process immediately.  If you delay, he will manipulate.  If you know some of  your neighbors, notify them of the situation and ask them for support and to leverage their own contacts for LEO support and guidance in case this goes down a violent path.

ndc's picture

When you say the home is in your name only, do you mean you own it or you're the only one on the lease? Who's paying the mortgage/rent?

Ilovetattoos's picture

As in I am the home owner . I just moved in a little over a month ago and he hasn't given me a dime .

24 years as a SM's picture

If there was no written or verbal agreement that he is to help pay for the house, then he is just a guest in your home and your can ask him to leave at any time. If he has given you any money or done any work on the house instead of rent, then he is a renter. 

If you really want him out, DO NOT TAKE ANT MONEY FROM HIM, or have him do any work around the house. He's your guest and he has worn out his welcome and it's time for him to leave.

ndc's picture

In some states one can get tenant's rights without paying a dime.  OP, start by ending the relationship and asking him to leave.  If he puts up any resistance,  you'll have to take the steps necessary for an eviction in your state.  He may leave voluntarily once you start giving formal notices and file an eviction action because he won't want an eviction on his record.  You should at least be able to start the ball rolling without a lawyer.  I didn't get the abuse vibe from your post, but if he becomes abusive once you end things,  call the police and get a restraining order.  That'll get him out even quicker. 

Edit to add: The fact that he hasn't given you a dime leads me to think he's using you,  which is all the more reason to dump him and get him and his brat out of your house. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

You said he was controlling you verbally and emotionally - that is a form of abuse. It sounds like he is also isolating you from your friends. The first thing you need to do is reconnect with a friend and admit to them what has been going on. Find some support in real life as well as from this board.

You asked up thread about calling the police about him moving out - they will not be able to help at this point as that is a civil matter. Do you own the home or are you renting? The first step is to ask him to move out. If he won't, you will have to start eviction proceedings and those vary widely by county. Look up the rules for your specific area. If you rent, and it will be easier, change the lease to his name and move out yourself.

Findthemiddle's picture

Do what you need to do and get them out of your house.  Call your friends - reconnect - build your life again - try to figure out why this situation happened and move on.  Good luck!

simifan's picture

he just says " I choose to have my son " 

 

He has told you where you stand. BELIEVE HIM. 

Miss T's picture

,,, of a a two-panel Larson cartoon that ran some time back. In the first panel, labeled "What we say to dogs," a dog owner is reading a pooch, Ginger, the riot act. Very coherent, assertive, clear. The second panel is labeled, "What they hear." In it, a dog, presumably Ginger, is hearing "BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH GINGER BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH." Not sure what the local policy is on links, but if you want to revisit this painfully funny cartoon, it's at https://www.flickr.com/photos/sluggerotoole/153603564.

So, yeah. DTMFA.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

You are being used!!! Get rid of him. I see one if two ways out of this. You can file a formal eviction notice. Or fake a domestic incident and call the cops and say he was threatening you. They will make him leave since it's your house. Once he is gone change the locks 

Since he sounds like complete trash who is just taking advantage of you. I wouldn't feel one bit sorry for kicking him to the curb. 

Winterglow's picture

So all he wants from you is free lodgings? Is he even paying for his share of the bills? Food? 

BethAnne's picture

Can you think of someone who can help you to get him out of your house? Even if they can just act as a sounding board and motivator. Family, friends, co-worker, neighbor? Even if you have lost touch with them - they will want to be there for you. Think about it, would you want to help a friend that was in a similar sitiuation to you? 

Be careful getting this man out of your house. I would be concerend that he might turn violent. Make sure that you do what you need to in order to stay safe.