MelissaBee's picture

Hello all, I am new here. I need some advice. My boyfriend of 5 years has a daughter who is 8. We recently were told by her mom that she will be working on Sundays so we need to keep her Sunday nights now. Problem is we both work as well. I have a 16 year old daughter. My boyfriend thinks that it is my responsibility to ask my daughter (whom he lives with) to babysit his daughter. I believe that he needs to ask her himself because she is 16 and I don't feel like I should volunteer her. Background also is that both my daughter and myself always take care of her while he is working on his weekends with her and summer vacations, happy to, however who should be the one to ask? Please let me know your opinion. Thank you!

Ursula's picture

Personally I think he needs to tell BM that keeping her Sunday nights doesn't work for you guys.  If Sunday nights are her custody time she needs to figure out.  If you all are so inclined to keep her Sunday nights then BM should be requested to help with the cost of your daughters baby sitting fees.  

MelissaBee's picture

I agree. I have said that and he just brushes it off. Unfortunately, in my opinion if he knows he can't watch her he needs to tell BM that we have to work. Thank you! 



Ursula's picture

100% BMs child care needs should not be your 16 year old daughters responsibility.  It's not at all fair to her.  

SteppedOut's picture

I came to say this.

Your daughter might not want to say, but she does NOT want to have the responsibility of caring for your boyfriend's kid every Sunday. 

Merry's picture

This is not your responsibility, and it is certainly not your daughter's. How about sticking to the visitation schedule and the biomom find child care? Or, if your daughter would LIKE to babysit, how about your BF pay her just as he would any other babysitter?

I don't get why the biomom can make a decision (yay for her working) though and childcare then becomes your problem. Nope.

MelissaBee's picture

Completely agree! He will pay her but the problem is I believe it's his responsiblity to ask her to baby sit and he believes its mine because she is my child. It's creating an issue. 

Merry's picture

He should ask her, yes, but will she say yes just to keep the peace? This is what we train women to do, way too often. Will she be more likely to be open and honest with you?

Also, how will BM react to your daughter babysitting? Are you putting your child in a precarious situation? What if something were to happen, and how would BM react?

Honestly, your fiance should just tell the BM that Sunday nights don't work if he can't be there himself.

Rags's picture

She isn't baby sitting for you.  She is baby sitting for him.  He asks......each and every Skid visit.  She is not obligated to say yes each Skid visit.

strugglingSM's picture

If Sunday nights aren't currently your DH's in the custody agreement then they are BM's responsibility. If she wants to change that, then you'll need to renegotiate the agreement. 

It's not your daughter's responsibility to parent for BM or your DH. 

Gimlet's picture

If BM gets CS, she should cough up whatever amount that day calculates to and your husband can ADD that to his going rate for babysitting.   That is, if your daughter agrees.

Rags's picture

If the CO names Sundays as BM's time, she can figure out child care for the kid on her time.  

There is no other message or discussion needed.

Why is your BF acting as BM's beck and call boy instead of minimizing the impact she has on your life, home, relationship and family?

Rags's picture

The answer.... they shouldn't.  Of course.

That anyone would choose to act as the beck and call resource for their own X is beyond me.  That anyone would serve their SO and other children as sacrifices to a failed family is also beyond me.


Rumplestiltskin's picture

I think some of these guys see their wives, girlfriends, and kids as extensions of themselves. My SO would "babysit" for BM nearly every day of her custody time. He liked to feel like the martyr or hero. He even said he hoped BM and i would get along so we could "help each other." I said i already help her by taking care of her kids on her time and asked what she had or would possibly do to help me. He said "no, you are helping me!" He meant we could help each other take care of *their* kids. On the few times she has taken her kids to do anything, my kids were never invited. Help each other lol? Pass!