Issues with my hubby and older kids
Hi......New here. Back story. I am 35 years old with 4 children. Ages 20, 17, 15, and 13. I have been married to my husband for 2 1/2 years. I do not have custody of my 3 younger children because I was in the Army. My current husband has a 10 year old daughter with his ex wife. When we got married he did not have custody of his daughter. After being married for 4 months his ex wife dropped their daughter off on our door step while my husband was TDY and not even home. At that time we were awarded custody of her. I love her like my own.
Now my issue. My husband and I have different ways of parenting. My children are good kids, never get in trouble. They say yes sir, no sir, yes ma'am, no ma'am. My step daughter was so disrespectful at first. She hit and kicked my pregnant daughter. My husband gave me the authority to discipline her. Now, 2 years later she is an amazing girl. Very good kid.
My oldest daughter is 20 and has 2 children. Ages 1 and 2 weeks old. Her and her boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years. They did have their own home but his sister talked them into moving in with her after their apt was broken into. Things were not good at that home and I let them move in with us. My husband HATES it. He doesn't think I should be helping them. He doesn't like the boyfriend bc he says that he is a deadbeat. Yes he could be a better person. My daughter works way more than him and respects the fact that she has to provide for her family. Him on the other hand will get a job and quit. Get a job and quit. But she is my daughter and I will NOT let her be homeless. My husband thinks I should tell her that the only way she can stay here is if she leaves him. Sorry, I can't do that. I can NOT make my daughter choose to be in a house with drugs with her boyfriend or let them stay with us. They are good kids and are really trying hard to get their own place. I don't ask for money except for when the bills are higher than what they normally are just like the electric bill was $25 higher than last month. So I asked for them to pay that and they did. They buy their own groceries. They don't bother us. But my husband always acts like its such a problem. Like when I bring my 1 1/2 yr old grandson out of their room and play with him. Hell he even hates if I volunteer to babysit. So I truly feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
I feel like she is my daughter and I should do whatever I can to help. Now trust me if she was a crackhead or horrible daughter/parent I would make her deal with it. But they are both good kids in a rut. And I feel like it's my duty as a parent to help her. My husband had a horrible childhood. His mom died when he was 2. His dad was a horrible alcoholic. His dad remarried and my husband is the oldest of like 12 kids. His dad passed away like 8 years ago. He isn't very forthcoming about his childhood but his sister says it was horrible. So I can only assume that's why he feels the way he does. He doesn't interact very much with my kids. He is a quiet introvert. My kids think its odd but they see how happy he makes me so they like him.
I just want to make sure I'm not over stepping my boundaries with my husband. Please give me advice.