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I need help, with my blended family

berep's picture

Just need people i can talk to about my blended family. I knew it would be hard but didn't know it was going to be this hard Sad I have a 5 year old and my husband has a 5 year old. They get along most of the time, they are completely different of course. I feel as my husband is not bonding with my son. I know its going to take time for him to love him or even see him as his own but it's really hard on me sometimes. He can play favorites at times and i know both boys can see that. He doesn't get to see his son but every other weekend and on Tuesday nights. So i feel like he feels like he needs to b super nice and not get onto to him as much, since his not over all the time and so he will like to come over. I also hate him talking to his ex. I know she will be in our lives FOREVER but i can't seem to get over the fact that he has another women in his life. When they text they text for 3 hours straight just arguing over dumb stuff that never gets resolved. I feel like she needs his attention every now and then, even though she has been with her boyfriend for 2 years. I finally said something about them text in for so long and he has stopped for now. I just told him get down to business on what you guys need to talk about and that's it, no need for more. I on the other hand can talk to my boy father in a minute, say what i need to say without having to talk to him for hours. My son lives with us so my husband knows everything that goes on in his life. Me on the other hand don't know much and when i do know i either read it in a text between him and his ex or cause i had to ask. I feel ever left out of my step son life, which makes me sad/mad. Yes my husband knows i read his texts messages. Just need to vent and if anyone has any advise please help.

my.kids.mom's picture

Regarding the kids, it will probably forever be the way it is now. Your expectations might be too high. What kind of bond are you expecting? Why would he see your son as his own?

My greatest hopes for my kids and bf's kids is that everyone would respect each other and get along. "Love" and "bond" might be too strong an expectation. Be realistic.

The way your husband is acting is typical. I am of the belief that if something goes wrong, I'm lookin at MY kid first. Most men are not that way, especially if they rarely have their kid. I am in the middle of convincing my bf right now that his kids are not the angels he still perceives them to be. His son is 12. That's probably enough info LOL. It's one thing if *I* look at my kids' actions first, but when HE looks at mine, like his are all innocent, we have a problem. All you can do is be fair to both kids every time. If DH handles something poorly, bring it up to him later. They don't do these things on purpose. Just like we women don't have our flaws on purpose!

Your DH is enjoying the attn from the ex and that is wrong. Men who don't enjoy it put a stop to it. Whether it's her attention or the drama, he's getting something out of it. Men will often say they hate drama, but don't realize their role in creating it. They just don't like how a woman reacts to THEIR drama! Stay firm and don't put up with it. You should be able to enjoy your home life without her interference.

berep's picture

formerlilyflowers, why do you love my post?? Please don't judge me, not trying to be judge. Just need some help and some venting. No ones perfect but if you do love my post for a good reason please share your thoughts. I'm totally new to this and just want to talk to people who have been there or are going through the same thing.

berep's picture

Your right my expectations may be too high and i will work on them. I just want my DH to be a part of my son life. I mean his with us majority of the time. So why wouldn't there be a bond?? I know it's never going to be a bond like he has with his son and i know it will take sometime.

Yes, i'm the same way if somethings goes wrong i always look at my son first. He has told me that my son gets in trouble more cause he doesn't listen and his son does!! Well his son been around him for 5 years of course he is going to listen!! It seems like we are always fighting when ever we have both kids. If its just my son we are usually pretty good, if its just the two of us its great.

Yes i know he is enjoying the attn as well, that's why every time it happened i would get mad and ask him to stop. It took three times of me telling him to stop for him to stop. Know please tell me if you wouldn't be mad if your DH/BF did this!! Ok so one night we were fighting he left to go get some fresh air. When he comes back hour and half later, he is still mad and we aren't talking. So for some reason i grab his phone and go through it, well all the text messages he has send his BM were deleted. I asked him what happened he said he was listening to a song on the radio and it reminded him of her so he text her, its crazy how a couple of teenagers sneak out to go see a concert. WTF?? Who does that. If that's all you said why did you delete them. He said he knew i was going to flip out. Well thanks to him doing that i no longer have trust in him when their talking. Is that wrong of me??