I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO STOP
Thinking, comparing everything to the BM... WHY do I do that to myself?!!!!
To the point in which is not healthy and is definitely affecting my relationship, because my husband hates it, and gets so upset...
Ok, so they never got married, but lived together for about 4 years and procreated a daughter. Now she is 5 and the lived together until she was about 20 months.
My husband LOVES ME SOOOO MUCH, he is like obsessed with me, and tells me how she wanted to get married but he never wanted to and they had such a poor, stressful, loveless relationship, he kept it that long for the "sake" of his daughter...
Well... I want to COMPARE everything... The things that I want to know include, but are not limited to:
What petname he used to call her
How was sex with her
What he used to get her for birthdays, anniversaries, whatever
Things that he used to do with/for her when she was pregnant
How and why did they argue
How did she treat him
How did she keep the house
How did she act when she was pregnant
How would she interact with other people
Where would they go out
How much did he pay for the engagement ring (versus mine)
I hate how I have the thirst of knowledge that only makes me SAD/MAD I think I might have some sort of disorder...
I probably need professional help... I am NOT insecure about the future, but I am incredibly obsessed with their pasts!! HE DISLIKES HER, and hates to talk about her! so everytime I bring her up he gets mad at me...
Any Advice? Don't tell me "you need to stop" because I already know that, I just don't know HOW !!!1
G
G
Ok, I won't tell you you need to stop. But you do!
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
I can be obsessive myself. One way I've managed to stop obsessing, in a situation when it was over someone I intensely disliked, was to imagine how pleased that person would be to know they affected my life that much!
You are giving her waaaay to much power, without her even trying!
My H tends to be jealous of my past relationships-I can barely mention anything I ever did with my ex, as a family, bringing up our boys. Which is sad, because that was 17 years of my life. 17 years, and the best years of my life were among those years, because it's when my boys were babies.
I have a totally different take on H's past. It's my belief that anyone who touched your (or your DH's) life in the past is part of what makes him who he is today. Every experience in life has a little effect on us, as do the people who were in our life, and make us the whole we are today.
Since he obviously has no good feelings for her, just try to live in the present and look to the future. And mentally snap yourself when you find yourself thinking of her.
Gia,
Your words are EXACT word for word what I found myself going through a very short time ago. I actually googled jealousy (how to get over it) and read a few books. It really helped. You have to remind yourself on a daily basis..that YOU are wonderful, sexy..gorgeous,etc..and continue to remind yourself that he is NOT with her. I did the same thing..we got in a huge argument one night because I asked him who was better in bed, her or I? I would ask him what she would cook,etc...but like you my FH is obsessed with me and has gone out of his way to prove to me that he loves me beyond anyone ever. And that only made me seem to want MORE security..it WAS crazy..and was making me CRAZY and making him crazy. He told me "you have to stop this" I was bringing up her name on a constant basis..After reading up on jealousy and some hints on how to stop it..I've finally chilled out a bit.
You HAVE to focus on why DH is with you in the first place and continue to go on that path.
One thing I did was just stepped it up a notch..I didn't have to, but it was my way of making sure that I KNEW I was irreplaceable. I started cooking even better meals (recipes,etc). I started wearing some sexy lingerie, little things..I'll send him flirty text messages during the day etc..
You DO have to stop though..coming from someone who STILL struggles with it..it will just tear your relationship apart.
Feel free to email me directly if your having one of those "times"
why ?
why do you want to know all those things?
Not to be rude or anything but you have obsessive thinking and jealousy it seems. If you really loved your husband you would see he is not with her, he has moved on and now loves you and you should not spend any time at all thinking about the woman he is no longer with. She makes no difference in your relationship with your man.
If you keep on with obsessive, jealous thinking, you are going to drive him away from you. Live in the moment and learn with love is, it is not jealous. ]
Everytime you find yourself going into that thinking, remind yourself not to.... as it serves no real purpose except to keep you upset.
here is a nice poem for you....
YESTERDAY IS HISTORY
TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY
TODAY IS GODS "PRESENT" TO YOU, enjoy it !!!