Both my fiance and I get upset over our exes
I need help, I feel I'm going crazy. When my fiance and I got together 5 years ago, my son's father was incarcerated he wasn't doing good at the time. So he wasn't involved in my son's life. Eventually he got out and started picking him up being there for him. We would always argue because he didnt want my sons dad involved in our lives but my son loves his dad. Fast forward and thing got a little better, a few occasions were we have fought still over this. Barely this year my fiance started being involved in his daughters life. They are 15 and 16. He hasn't brought them over cause he fears they will stop talking to him again so when he goes out he leaves me at home. Kinda hides that he has a family. So now is me getting mad that he wants to be involved in their life why now? And more the fact that he's hiding us. It pisses me off so much that I want to give up. He drops everything for them but if my son wants to text his dad it's a big issue. More if his dad calls to pick him up. So why can he do whatever he pleases with his kids but not my son with his dad. And i just found out I'm pregnant. He doesn't want his family finding out out of fear his daughters will find out. That's what i believe even though he tells me its cause I might miscarry. Is it normal that I feel hatred towards his kids I feel so evil even saying it. And the mom, she hates me too even though he had 3 girlfriends after her, I'm his 3rd serious relationship and second one living with him. I don't know what to do. Help!
Your feelings are aimed at
Your feelings are aimed at the wrong people, it's not his daughters you should be upset with.
So it's okay for your fiance
So it's okay for your fiance (in his eyes) to be enmeshed with his ex, but NOT okay for your son to have a seemingly healthy relationship with his own father? Your fiance sounds like a control-freak jerk and he will exercise that control over your unborn child.
I never really had very many
I never really had very many problems with my current wife's ex.
They communicated once every two weeks or so over a monitored e-mail, and I had access to it (though I never checked it).
It's a thin line that's walked when you're involved with people you used to have sex with. There needs to be a set schedule in place that is ironclad for the children. There needs to be rules for both of you in regards to communication with ex's.
Now, about him being mad that his stepson is texting the dad, about what? I'd probably be pissed if every time I had to tell my current SD off about something in the house, she ran to him room and had daddy pick her up. ----Wait, no I wouldn't, I'd be enamoured that all I had to do was correct her a few times to get her out for awhile. I'd do it every day.
I guess the reason why I'm
I guess the reason why I'm upset at his daughters is that he said he can't force his daughters to like me or want to interact with my son or me. But at the beggining my son hated my fiance and I still moved in with him. So why can't he do the same for me. Why can't he introduce us to them as his family. They had a sweet 16 and we didn't go so they wouldn't get mad. I had left him once for the problems he was causing about my son's dad interacting in his life. Fiance would beg me to get back with him and I told him only if he promised he would be more understanding about my son loving his dad. Now he gets to enjoy time with his daughters and doesn't like my son going with his dad. He says because he is the in raising him and should be up to him of he can go or not with his dad. My son's dad doesn't call or see my son that much to avoid us problems. It's not fair........
Your BF, or whatever, is a
Your BF, or whatever, is a controlling jerk, with two different rules.
You should not let this guy come between your son and his dad, it's wrong.
^ This!
^ This!
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your insight. Yes I'm pregnant but it's not going so well, had ultrasound and can't detect a fetus yet. So stress about everything but thank you.
First, don;t worry about your
First, don;t worry about your SO's X. She is his past, you and your baby are his future. He is only a few years from being out of the womb services rental business with his X.
Now, for the SD's. They are teens and you don't have all that long to deal with them as children. Though I would say with as enmeshed and subjugated as your SO is by them, you will never be rid of them or out from under their toxic influence and interference in your life.
Not for the real problem. Your SO. He has no balls. He does not make you the priority, he does not keep his X inline, his spawn in line and even worse, he is hiding you and your baby from his family.
SO wants his cake and the candy too. He wants to make his children a priority over you, wants you to make him the priority over your prior relationship child, and takes exception to anything to do with your X while catering to his.
And the other real problem. You. You are all wrapped around the axle that he has a relationship with his daughters, want him to yourself and are puzzled by why he is pursuing a relationship with his children.
Would you want him if he abandoned them? Past behavior being the best predictor of future behavior, if he abandoned them he would do the same with your baby.
This is a toxic stew of insane proportions. I feel for your baby who will have to live with all of this crap from birth and for it's entire life. A father who prior to birth denies the baby to his family and the baby's eldest sibs, a mother who does not recognize the baby's eldest sibs and has a child with a felon.
Ouch.
The only one in all of this who seems to have even a remote semblance of normalcy is your son. At least he gets away from this toxic mix during time with his father who does not appear to be hiding anything or have an agenda. And I can referring to the felon as the normal one.
smh
All that said, congratulations on the baby. Deep breaths, focus on you and bringing that baby into the world as a healthy little one and please... consider raising that baby as a single mom away from as much of this toxic stew as possible.
Good luck.