In my opinion, you divorce your spouse not kids. To me that includes nieces and nephews. They love their uncle. There is nothing wrong with that. I was 16 when my aunt and uncle divorced and devastated when my favorite aunt- who I could always talk to, go shopping with, have lots of girl time with- just ditched me. Even at 16 I didn't understand what I did wrong to have my mentor desert me. My FDH still has his ex step daughter come over and play, spend the night, etc. She is a sweet kid, loves her brother and she didn't do anything wrong. Her crazy ass mother did, not her. I would let the kid thing go, maybe even try to include them in something.

I would also let go of the bday party thing too. Of course you should go with him and wish SS happy birthday, but not being specifically invited isn't important. Let her look like a fool if she can't be an adult.

As for FB- LEAVE IT ALONE. Block her to keep your life private and you don't need to see anything from hers! FB will drive you crazy if you let it.

I agree with the other 2 posters!

But he does need to stop the constant communication with the EX.

I get so tired of these women using the fact that they have children together to stay "FRIENDS" with their EX's. IMHO, their idea of being friends is just to keep a hold on them.

It is going to have to be your DH that puts up the boundaries AND enforces them. But you will probably have to be the one that lets him know there HAS to be boundaries.

My SO's ex gf was my problem for awhile. She had "adopted" ss15 when so and her were together for a short time of about 3 months. Well SO tried hard to maintain that relationship b/c the bm had abandoned ss15 at a young age. It irked me how SO would dial the phone for ss and then talk for awhile before passing the phone over to ss. He had a nick name for her "princess" and would (accidently) call her that when he thought I was not within ear shot. Ss would invite her over to help with homework and this happened a few times before I finally put my foot down. There was much more (like her being the team mom for ss, etc.) that just drove me insane. Eventually it fizzled out but for a good couple of years it was so hard for me. We had white hot arguements over this and SO was always so defensive, saying he wanted Jake to have at least one adult female in his life. I wasn't enough at first I guess. I just stuck with it and was there for his scrapes, games, nose bleeds, meals, laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc. and soon it sunk it I wasn't going anywhere and I never broke promises, and I wasn't going to abandon him, and soon the ex became a distant memory, tho she still pops up now and then but it's no big deal anymore b/c I know who I am and SO knows who we are and we are strong together and her existance in our life cannot weaken our togetherness.

Try to let it go and be strong. Show up at parties, games, school functions, etc and just be a quiet force that is ALWAYS present. She will finally get the picture and back off. If you let it bother you and cower at home she will have her way. It took me a long time to figure that out too b/c I am not a very brave person. It was HARD for me to even go to football games and sit there on the bleachers and yell and cheer for ss while she was walking around being the team mom and passing out oranges to kids and all the kids thought she was "the mom". One time she was sitting with a group of ladies (the team moms) and I knew a couple of them so I sat down right there in the middle of them all. The gal next to me asked me who was mine and I said his number, there was a pause and then she was like oh you two share him? I said yup we do, she's the ex gf and I'm the sm. hehe. After that she didn't come to games anymore, always had to work or had some emergency. lol I embarrassed the hell out of her. BUT it took balls I swear I do not have but did that day! Since then she's been very rare.

I'm agreeing that there isn't much here to complain about. You are the second wife. Sorry - don't mean to be well... mean but that's it isn't it? His "old" family will pop in and out for the rest of your life.

Definitely stay away from her Facebook. You're just setting yourself up for grief. Ignorance is bliss and no one in your family looks at it anyway so no one of importance to you will even know what's there.

If my DHs ex told him about birth control & her monthly visitor he would barf on the spot! LOL

I still refer to my non-aunt as aunt, as she and my uncle divorced about 20 years ago. That is situational and shouldn't worry you. It would be cool though to invite your DHs nieces over to play without his ex knowing She can find out through the grapevine and feel excluded, which she deserves for trying to do that to you.

In my situation, my DH was never married to my SSs mom. She and her family (she's over 30 & still lives with mom & dad... hehehe) just love to act like my DH is part of their family, and we've been married 7 and together 8 years. He got sick of it so when its time to go get the SSs, I do it and he stays home. They never see him. The ex even referred to my grandpa in law as grandpa a year ago, and I went about correcting that in a classy way, mentioning him as my grandpa at a later date. What's funny is that he did not like her or her family at all!

Some people have nothing better to do than hang on to the past. They are stuck in familiarity. While your family thrives and grows, she will be hung up on the past. My DHs ex just had her first boyfriend since my DH last year, and that relationship is already over.

You're above it! Be a lady & suggest he communicate less with her and only about the kids. I guess I am lucky that DH & inlaws can't stand our BM!

Oh, and cut out the facebook! You're setting yourself up for hurt!!