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Why do I have more grief from the married sd w/ 2 kids of her own...

Kim M's picture

then the 12 and 15 yo ss?She has done and said more to break us up in this first year than anyone.Her dad was divorce for 6 yrs before me so I don't see the resentment?

Bethany's picture

I get an awful lot of vindictive anger from my married SD with kids. She claims I have ruined her younger sister's life. Younger sister is 25 and is a single mother. We offered to pay for college, she refused to go. We bought her a condo which she trashed. She then moved into our home and lived like a slob while she was pregnant. We gave her a nice car and paid her car insurance and provided lots of meals, cloths, and apt trappings when she finally moved out! She has never held a full-time job and I doubt she ever will. My husband and I have cut off financial support. But, oldest SD believes I am a "mean bitch" and should not abandon her sister. What about her mother??? She can finally pitch in and help!
Hang in there. I disengaged. Told oldest SD I would no longer have a relationship with her, but encourage my husband to visit her anytime for as long as he would like. I suggest disengaging. I also told oldest SD that I would not welcome her in my home any longer. I have been judged and abused by her for years. I don't want to waste my energy on her anymore. Disengaging saves your emotions and you can then enjoy your life.

needhelp63's picture

I think you are doing the right thing.

Since your oldest SD believes that what you are doing is wrong, why don't you suggest that the oldest daughter do those things for her younger sister and maybe that will help her realize how abused you are being.

Bethany's picture

A polite way to disengage is to state that you realize the stepkids don't have the ability to treat you with respect. Tell them, maybe in a letter, that you no longer can tolerate disrespect and that you don't wish to carry on in a realtionship that is hurtful. Encourage your husband to visit them, but ask that they not come to your home. I did this after 20 years of backbiting, rudeness and disrespect. Your husband needs to realize that you don't deserve this treatment, thus you are removing yourself from any further hurt. I wish you all the best!

sshoho's picture

Unfortunately, for some -- even after both sides remarry and have children, they just can't let go. It's as if they relish in trying to make the first one pay.

My cousin divorced his wife 23 years ago. Has since remarried (so has she and she has more kids) their son is now 26 and she still goes out of her way to make my cousin miserable. Since he owes her nothing financially and the son is out of college, you would think it's over...but the son has car insurance, a fiancee and now the wedding is starting to creep in.

He will pay for this mistake for the rest of his life!