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BM texting DH at 9:30p.m. & it's not over the kids

christiedd's picture

Hi. I need some advice because I'm going to have a little talk to BM about texting my DH at 9:30 at night because she just broke up with her boyfriend of 6 months. I had just left BM's place from picking up the kids when she told me she was tired of bf's jealous ways so she just broke-up with him. I literally get out her door & she's texting my DH the same thing. Excuse me but why would DH need to know this crap or care especially at 9:30. Couldn't she have told him the next day? And why did DH have to reply back & feed into her nonsense? He says what I'm I supposed to tell her to "f... off" No but ignore her until the next day or reply hey its late we'll talk tomorrow.

Why in the hell is he her "run to" guy? Why was he the 1st person she texted about her breakup after they split up over 3 years ago? I shouldn't be surprised, when DH & I 1st got together she would text him a lot & about strange crap like her birth control & her period & crap. WTH??? Put a stop to that but now she's doing crap again. I made him text her no more texts that late & they have to be about the kids. She didn't reply back she just texts DH about a backpack she found for sd5. DH said he would talk to her today but I told him I want all 3 of us to talk because he saw no problem with her doing that the other night so I want to ne sure my message is heard loud and clear. They want to be friends for the kids sake, but there's a difference being friendly, friends & over stepping boundaries. Help, we fought for the rest of the night over this stupid crap! Thanks.

christiedd's picture

DH is such a push over, not just with her but with everyone. He wants to be friends for the kids sake & he's told me this won't change. What should I say to her because I'm gonna tell her she can't text him that crap at 9:30 anymore.

stepintexas's picture

I have to agree, I would talk to DH, his boundaries are the problem. I wouldn't talk to her, she is not as big of an issue as him letting her do this.

christiedd's picture

That's seriously what I fear that I'm screwed. I must admit things have gotten better than in the past. Even after Dh & I got together she wanted us all to go to Disneyland ( which is also where they had their honeymoon). Ummm NO!!! My parents took us all for Christmas this past year & it pissed BM off that she didn't get to take them first. Used to him & BM would talk for 30/45 mins when picking/dropping off kids but now it's much, much better. So things have improved but I know of no other ex-spouses that have this type of relationship :/

stepintexas's picture

I would tell him you are not acting in the Reba show and you all three are not best buds and he needs to cut the cord from the ex-wife, of course in a nice way.

christiedd's picture

Exactly!!! I so badly want to tell her that although they were married for couple years that she's his past & not his family anymore & that I'm his future & family so to step off!!! But I can't & I'm not like that. I hate confrontation so I have to put it nicely.

christiedd's picture

Ummm NO!! He's not her personal chauffeur!! What is wrong with these women?? He's going to talk to her but I just want to calmly tell her that she is not to contact my husband that late again unless its an emergency. What I really really want to ask her is if she thinks she's still married to my DH. This is really frustrating!! Your DH finally did that but not sure if mine would. :/

mizcece's picture

A few years ago my husband's ex-wife used to text him about her birthday and the day they got married (Christmas) and stuff like that. My husband would be bothered by it but try to keep it secret from me because he knew how I would react. The last time she did it, I was within hear shot, I snatched the phone and told her that if she contacted him again about anything other than her kid, I was going to whoop her you know what and the phone calls and texts about stuff other than the kid stopped immediately. She knew I was not playing and that I would light her up like the fireworks on fourth of July. LOL!

If your husband sees nothing wrong with it than your first issue is with him. He needs to understand that that kind of communication with his ex is highly inappropriate and he needs to check her. If he does and it continues than you have to step up and open a can, if you get my drift.

sterlingsilver's picture

my dh's xgf used to always text and call about ss and she wasn't even the mom. But ss called her that and so she felt she had all those rights, or so I thought. It took me awhile to figure out that it was all connected to my dh and how he'd encourage them to stay in touch and was always texting her to call his son and calling her every evening and then talking for awhile and then handing the phone to ss to talk to her. They would all talk in this baby voice and were all goo goo gaga :sick: . I finally had to put my foot down but it took me awhile to figure out HE was the problem, not her.

imjustthemaid's picture

BM and DH have been divorced over ten years. She used to call him everytime she got dumped or needed money. He fed into it so why would she stop. I put my foot down with him and put an end to it. She would call crying at all hours of the night. Wacko! He needs to put a stop to it or she will never go away!