Blended families with big age differences - between the kids and between the parents
My blended family consists of my young adult kids - girl 20, boy 19 and my step kids - boy 13 and girl 10.
They have absolutely nothing in common with the age difference and 'tolerate' each other when we are all together (which isn't that often). On top of that, my DH is 6 years younger than me, so I have quite a few years of extra parenting experience that he hasn't had yet.
There are so many issues in this type of blended family, like the nothing in common thing, like the fact that my kids are grown and pretty independant now and I want to enjoy my life without dealing with younger kid issues, like my husband is still doing the younger kid thing and wants me to be involved (which I hate).
Also the BM of my SK's raises them in a way that I think is nuts - they have no responsibilities at all. I often joke that she would still wipe their behinds if she could!). My BK's were raised to be independant early in life.
Step families are difficult to deal with any way you slice it. But age diffences just add to the drama.
Anyone else out there with a similar situation? I would love to hear from you. How do you cope with it all?
Our deal is easy compared to yours.
My Skid is an only child in our home. I am 12yrs older than my wife but we have roughly equivalent parenting experience since we started dating when our Son (my SS) was 15mos and we married a week before he turned 2yo.
We have some of the age difference in life experience issues between my wife and I but I look at experiencing life with her, even when it is something I have done before, as a joy.
I can see how it would be difficult to try to blend a family with adult children, preteens and spouses with an age difference.
Throw in an idiot BM who caters to her children and a DH who has guilt parenting issues and it is off to the blended family adventure races.
Do you and DH have custody or are you the visitation household? If BM is the CP, how about an out of state move for your and DH so you can focus more on the marriage? From what I have researched, out of state periodic visitation is often better for the marriage than local EOW/EOWE visitation. My SS's visitation schedule is 7wks a year. 5wks Summer, 1wk Winter, 1wk Spring. The long Summer visitation is a challenge and we have quite a bit of Detox efforts when he gets home before school starts but we can usually get him straightened out in a couple weeks once he gets home. If you are the visitation household it is probably easier to keep a few weeks of intense kid focus a couple of times a year than having to deal with the incessant drama of living locally to the Skid/BM.
Just my thoughts of course.
Good luck and best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Going interstate/overseas sounds great - if DH would do it
Thanks for your thoughts Rags,
Yes an interstate or overseas move would certainly sort it out. We are the visitation household, so at least I don't have the SK's all the time.
My DH is an executive and has been offered overseas posts (Singapore) but he is reluctant to go that far because he will be so far away from his kids, which I can understand. The BM is just moving a bit further away but not far enough to make any diffence to how often we get the SK's, which is every other weekend (but sometimes every weekend for weeks at a time) and school holidays.
I just had a rare blissful weekend just with my DH, no kids to be seen and it was magic. I just hang on for those times.
A Step parent is in a no win role
My Little Bro and his family are in Sing.
RSM,
Singapore is supposed to be beautiful. My brother and his family are living there currently on an extended assignment.
I have done work in Korea, Taiwan, and Europe and lived in the Middle East but have not been to Singapore. We are planning on going next summer to spend several weeks with my Brother and his family. My brother, S-I-L, niece and nephews all love it. I can't give you a personal recommendation for Singapore but my Bros family give it a resounding recommendation.
As far as Skids visiting overseas, I grew up with several people who had StepSibs visit them during the summer, winter and spring break seasons. I know it can work.
Good luck and best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)