You are here

SK's come play computer games while DH spends most of his time in the yard...

Reluctant Step Mum's picture

When SK's are at our house (every 2nd weekend and school holidays) they spend most of their time in front of the TV playing computer games while DH goes about his chores in the yard etc...

He insists that they never miss a visitation and that he wants his kids around as much as possible, but when they are here he hardly every spends any time with them and hardly speaks with them (in his defence, they don't want to talk to anyone anyway).

I have encouraged him to spend quality time with them and take them out, do stuff with them, but they don't want to do anything but play the computer games and he seems to have given up trying to get them interested in anything and just goes about his weekend like they are not there.

I don't want him to be a 'disney dad' but it's more like 'distant dad'. I talk to them more than he does.

Anyone else with a similar problem?

Orange County Ca's picture

I think Dad needs to change but only half way. "Quality time" does not necessarily mean going to a movie. In fact the best time is spent with Dad doing what Dad's do. And learning as they go.

Hey you already know all that don't you?

OK then you're powerless here. You've made your suggestion to Dad - maybe you want to make it again citing what you've learned here. Then stay out of it. Those kids are not your responsibility and if you try to get in their faces you'll likely get trouble from both parents and the kids.

It's not worth it. A billion kids will be raised this generation without help from you. Most of them will turn out just fine. Save yourself a lot of grief and concentrate on things you have control over.

*********************

There's an exception to everything I say.

Reluctant Step Mum's picture

You are so right there, my SK's are not my responsibility, but as a mother of two other kids who were raised well and have turned out to be reasonable young people, I can see all the things that are very lacking in the SK's parenting.

Again, you are right, it's really not my business, but they spend substantial time in my house and I have to live with them too. I can't stand to see them sit there all day, all night just zoned out from the world and everyone in it.

Like I said, my DH seems to have given up trying to get through to them and their BM is one of those people who let them do 'anything' they want, when they want, so these kids will be raised to be selfish, unable to communicate verbally or otherwise with anyone else, unaware of social graces and emotionally stunted.

Hard to just watch without trying to do something about it. Even though they are not my responsibility.

A Step parent is in a no win role