My situation is a little reversed... my eldest SD is 16 and my BD is 4, but there's never been any jealousy. My BS9 is sometimes a little jealous of his sister, BD4, but that's just typical sibling stuff. Ask your BD if she would feel this way if SD were also your BD. Let her know that you love all your children, step and bio, but that your relationship with your SD is very different from your relationship with her and that your SD is no threat. I have to remind my BS9 a lot that the things I do with/for his sister are things I also did with/for him when he was her age, he's just older now and doesn't require as much from me as she does. I wonder if some other part of her life is causing her some insecurity/conflict and it's manifesting as jealousy towards SD.

~ Anne ~

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I have 6 daughters and for a short while was blessed with the chance to step parent a troubled 7 yr old girl. My daughters did get jealous...to an extent but I was able to talk to each of them privately and tell them how much this girl hurt for not having a "mommy of her own" and how great it would be if we could show her the love of a family when her life was so troubled.
I then found a quality in each of my daughters that I was proud of and kinda encouraged them to "mentor" this girl and show her how to be just as wonderful as they were. I also threw in how much they could learn by listening to a "different point of view" from someone who wasn't raised in our household.
Everything was not perfect. I will not even try to tell a lie that big.
BUT with individual attention for each kid and tel;ling each one how proud I was of them specifically things did go a lot smoother.
The other thing that helped a lot was trying to find a common interest of any sort and participating in doing things with the step and bio together in this area....or even building a common interest such as , hairdressing day, make up day, story telling nights, etc... whatever all of you can tolerate doing together---lol
another suggestion is to find a way for the two of them to be "on the same side"
find something you know they both agree on but you can harmlessly argue....suchh as isn't daddy cute? or dogs are better than cats,etc... then let them "gang up on you together" it will build a fun bond.
Maybe you should ask your son what it is that makes him so accepting of the situation and his sister not so accepting. Kids have amazing insights and ideas.
Good luck with it all, don't withhold from your step daughter because your bio gets jealous. Tell the step that you don't want to hurt the bios feelings by making her feel left out then invite bio to "hold hands" just like you and the step. doing things like this will give her the ability to be the one to refuse you and not get "refused by you"
I do believe your step daughter would be more understanding of the feelings of your bio daughter than you might realize.
God Bless

Lisa Dawn

She's 18 now and I think you can be blunt with her that's she's being ridiculous.  I have 3 older bio daughters and I thought that at 18 my job was done!  Hahaha on me, the job was still there but different and believe me there are many blunt things I have said to them that point out unacceptable child behavior and new adult behavior and thinking.  

Were you friendly with your BD's friends?  I was and I just said my heart was big enough for everyone.  In this day and age, we need more love and less hate.  Telll your BD18 to knock it off.  

So I have a stepdad. His son got really upset (and kind of crazy) when my stepdad and I started bonding. We were around 17 years old or so at the time. He would stand there and pout. An almost adult man. He made comments like your daughter... "You're my dad, not hers" or "I thought we were going to hang out just the two of us" and it really drove my mom and I crazy. I wasn't trying to steal anyone's dad, and I knew and still to this day know my stepdad would never love me the way he loves his kids, but I also wanted a relationship with him for my mom's benefit! Plus, my dad wasn't very involved in my life so if I'm being honest, I did really look up to my stepdad. It hurt always having to back off to save his "real" sons feelings.

I would explain to your daughter that a biological parent-child bond is the strongest bond on earth. Nothing can change that. BUT other relationships can be loving and valuable too. And you need to have a relationship with your stepkids for the sake of your marriage. And if you grow to love your stepkids (or if you currently love them), even if it's a very strong love, it won't ever come close to comparing with your biological parent-child bond but it must be respected still. 

I don't think that this issue is exclusive to StepSpawn/BioSpawn situations.  Kids get jelous of younger sibs fairly often even in intact initial families.

How my parents delt with this was to make it clear that as the eldest I had already had my turn at the younger ages and I would not be allowed to interfere in my  younger brothers' turn at those ages just as they would not be allowed to interfere in my turn to be the older age that I was at the time the message was delivered.

Your DD-18 needs a sharp delivery of the clear message that she is no longer 8yo so stop acting like she is 2.  She has had her turn at 8, now it is the SD's turn.

DD-18 needs to grow up and quit being a baby.  If she is jelous of your SD-8 then inform DD-18 that she either grows up or she will be treated as if she is 8.  Take her car, take her phone, she goes to bed at 8:30 every evening, no adult TV or movies, she eats what is put on her plate, etc..... 

Have fun delivering that message. 

smh