Marriage without bio kids, but with SK's on both sides.........................
Just wanted to put this topic out for discussion.
Having been married and divorced with 2 bio kids and about to remarry and get two SK's I am noticing a very big difference in intimacy in my new relationship, compared to my previous marriage.
In the nuclear family, after the honeymoon years, it was all about the kids keeping us together. It was about being a 'family' and we as a couple lost our sense of togetherness.
It is often a fact that people stay in marriages because of their kids.
In my new (about to be) marriage, there are no bio kids to 'bind' our relationship. You could think that is a 'bad thing'. We are not having any kids together by choice (we have enough already) But I am finding being in a marriage purely because you really love the other person and are committed to that person is quite a different thing to being a marriage with bio kids.
We are both into eachother in a way we may not be if we had kids of our own. Our relationship is just about us.
I hope I am making sense here. Does anyone else relate?
I can relate
Dh and I will not have any children of our own either. We have plenty of children between the two of us and that is enough. I also feel that DH and I have a different level of intimacy than any other relationship that I have had, I truly feel like I have found my soul mate. We have problems like any other couple but when it comes right down to it he truly is my best friend. Good luck to you Lisa and Congratulations.
~Evil
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
While dh and I have no children together...
Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all along.
And never will as I had my tubes tied during c-section birth of my son, and I am coming really close to the big 40 and do not desire to do a tubal reversal and get preganant at this age(although there are adimittably those moments when I wished dh and I had a child together to have that final bind to one another) I find that I am greatful this time around as I DID stay in my first marraige entirely too long for my children(and now feel that more damage was done to them as a result of that decision) Yes, dh and put my 2 biokids and his 1 bioson at the very top of the list in our priorities in life together, but we put EACH OTHER FIRST, this time. In many ways it is comforting to know that dh and I are with each other, loving each other and supporting each other everyday because we WANT to be here with each other and not because we feel obligated to be together(for the kids sake) Alot of times in marraiges(not all marraiges) but in alot of them, once a bio child is born, that child becomes first to the parents and they forget about nurturing each other, placing each other first, and somewhere along the way they lose who they were together and the love that brought them together, and even created the child together. In a marraige/relationship with no bio kids as the final binding factor, I feel the focus on one another is much easier, more comfortable, more secure, and where stepkids are involved, we as a couple took each other knowing the package deals we were getting, no fairy tales ideas, just the pure reality that we have CHOSEN to be with each other, and CHOSEN to share in the responsibility of raising the combined children, and though we begin as a family, rather than just a couple creating a family together, we are a family where meeting our combined childrens greatest needs begins by putting each other(husband and wife) first in each others lives creating the stability and love that the children need and even require to see between parents so as to create in them what a truly healthy marraige is all about.