Am I crazy for not wanting to be around SS?
I have a SS who I'm not exactly thrilled about having with me most of the time. I don't hate him nor dislike him..I actually feel way better about him when it's just me and him alone..not with my BF there too..i'm not sure why that is..When the 3 of us are together I feel tense and uncomfortable and to resolve that I just take myself out of the picture for abit. for example if he and his dad are in a room together watcing a movie or playing a video game I go to another room and blog or chat with my friends. That makes me feel instantly better and less stressed. But my BF gets a little uneasy with me not being with them. However he is very supportive but has trouble understanding why I do what I do. Even though for now he only spends every other weekend together (the 3 of us), during those times I'm dreading it and waiting for when we drop him home again. He never stops talking, running around, breaking and losing MY things, sometimes I just can't stand it. I love my BF dearly and when SS is not around we are totally fine..but before, during and after SS is with us..I feel distant from him and need time to recooperate. It's odd.
I don't think so...
I like my SS, but there are times I just want to be away from him (and I need time away from my BS also). And the interaction between my DH and my SS sometimes sets my teeth on edge or pisses me off, so occasionally I just remove myself. On top of that, I think it is important for DH & SS to have some time alone without me/us around.
And like you, I do better when it is just me and the two boys, mainly because there is less drama and competition between them for DH's attention. Now just me and SS, feels weird. he's still distant and wary around me, though dh doesn't seem to see it.
Not alone
You're not alone on this.
I have been with my DH since SD6 was 2. We have been married for a little over a year. I too get along better with her when DH isn't around and need to escape the "three's a crowd" feeling. Especially when she gets all whiny and annoying. My problem is when we're all together and I say something or tell her to do something, she looks at DH like he's gonna get out of it or something. Like I am being undermined.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with quiet time for yourself, by yourself. It will keep you from losing yourself!
Three's a crowd
That is exactly it! it's like when i'm with them I feel like an out sider and as of late my SS wants to talk about things he did with his mom and da or the old house they lived in; it gets on my nerves. Also I too can't stand to be around the both of them whn my ss starts acting like a baby and he is ten! Everytime my hubby hugs and kiss me here comes my ss all over him it's just odd behavior for a 10 year old boy I think. Also he follows my hubby around the house if our bed room door is closed he keeps knocking over andover again..ugh! These are the reasons I don't want to be around
What about four??
How whould you feel if your BF had two annoying BS's(15,12)excactly like that?Knowing that i'm watching tv, they will come and ask my BF if they can watch Football, Top Gear or some shit like that, which drives me mad! And both of them, especially the older, follow him non -stop. When for some peace and quiet i go to my bedroom, my BF will come and ask me if i am ok, guarantee this two would be there within one minute!! And if on occasions my BF and I have a "quiet day", both of them will try to behave like two angel's(which is normally not the case at all), being all sweet and trying to get in his favour. It feels like they want him to realize, that they prefer if i am not around, and the three of them is how it should be. Thank God they just stopped comming into our bedroom first thing in the morning.I have lived with them for fife years. Isn't enough for them to realize that they beloved daddy needs a women in his life aswell???
Its a normal feeling.
Subconsciously you realize that this is the time for father and son to be together. Here's what I did to ease the burden on my new wife. I took my kids camping once a month. The kids spent two days with me alone and two days with me and the new wife.
Now we live in Southern California and with the decades long drought we were able to do that. You're husband may have to get more creative. Can all of them stay with grandma? Perhaps you can afford for them to stay in a motel near a national park or beach. How about at his girlfriends home?
If none of this is feasible then your only problem is your guilt and his lack of understanding. Well put the guilt aside. You're there supporting the Dad while he spends time with his kids. That's more than enough. Meanwhile tell him I said for him to stop taking you to task for your feelings. They are valid feelings as long as the kids don't perceive a rejection they'll have no effect on the kids. Tell him that I said you married him and although the kids came as part of the package you didn't attach them to your hip. He's more than able to care for them without your help and should be glad you are not bugging him to spend more time with you as I've seen other complain about here.
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thanks for your comments!
thanks for your comments! they are very insightful and it's nice to hear from a dad for a change for a different prespective. good idea about them going away for a few days together to bond without me. this will also give me a chance to recharge and spend some time with my family or girlfriends.
OMG
am i this drunk ....... i have read several blogs tonite and i am like holy shit --- they're reading my mind.... i have no bad relationship with skids --- i just hate when they are here --- and the same thing -- just them & i --- all cool --- add dh and we all clam up..
this place is great.......... love love to all of us --- we can't help it we're misunderstood and that dh/bf/fh kids aren't perfect.......
You are definately not
You are definately not alone. I don't feel comfortable around my ss at all, and sometimes want to leave the house. I don't hate him he just really gets on my nerves.
I feel he really doesn't have boundries and he interupts adult conversations to talk about really weird things.
:? Its actually embarassing he has done this while I was talking to one of my bs friends parents and I almost died. He started talking about lesbians in the middle of an adult conversation where we were talking about how quickly chilren grow up these days.
Where did that come from? I think he was trying to embarass me :O
It's not ODD
I often feel the same way, I don't like to be around my hubby and SS. On the weekends my SS comes I feel like it's my "free," time and they can spend time together; after all I don't think my SS is excited about goingto dad's house to see me..he is excited because he wants to see his dad. That is HIS child and the court set the visition so HE can see HIS son. My hubby doesn't understand either why i rather not spend time with them and hang out with friends or be on the computer. I guess it hurst his feelings a little so i try to do sum things with them but honestly it makes my skin crawl. My hubby always say whn we have a child i won't act like that towards our child and he is correct, but it will be MY child, not a child HE had with someone else.. this whole blended family thing is waaaay harder than I thought
yes that is exactly how i
yes that is exactly how i feel! I'm kind of getting nervous though because a social worker is coming to evaluate me with my SS. just because I'm now living with his dad. even thought I totally think that the visitation is time for him to spend with his dad. obviosuly because i'm usually there too we do some things together..like eat..but i'd rather them just be together me to do what i want to do