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When to draw the line for BM and FH's intereactions for SS's events

emmalee05's picture

Submitted by emmalee05 on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 6:16am

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General Discussion

Hi there I know most of you here would have a lot to say about this. When considering parenting classes, extra curricular events and school events, which events should BM and FH go together and which can they go to apart? In my case, BM wants FH to go with her to everything now. A few months ago they weren't even on speaking terms for almost 2 years. I don't understand it except for the fact that she just left her husband. I am feeling a little jealous and bitter of the fact that they are starting to do stuff together again.

folkmom's picture

Submitted by folkmom on Fri, 07/02/2010 - 5:06pm

x

MarriedwithChild's picture

Submitted by MarriedwithChild on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 10:24am

I agree with folkmom. It is obvious.

Hopefully your DH will say "no" like mine decided to do. I told DH that he can go to whatever he wants for ss5, but...not with me. I'm not going there to stand around like some outcast while ss5 does not even acknowledge me at all.

HennyPen's picture

Submitted by HennyPen on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 10:31am

boy, this would be a big NO in our relationship. The only time he'll go to kids functions is if I go too. FishNchip learned real quick not invite him if she didn't want to see my smiling face right next to him.

have you told him how it makes you feel? I would tell him how I felt, and that you are being excluded while they continue this faux relationship. It isn't right, crosses a lot of boundaries in my book.

________________________________________________________________
... why would you feel worthless and weak? You gave everything, your entire heart.. giving it to him. To truly give your heart, your trust, is taking the bravest of all risks--C.Young

dsp1978's picture

Submitted by dsp1978 on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 11:02am

Maybe I am newer to the situation, so a bit naive. But I would think that there would be a very huge difference in going WITH her to these events, verses both being there for the child??
They are both the parents, so a recital, sporting event, etc., as long as they can be civil - I dont see a big deal in both of them attending the events, with or with out current signifivant others - But literally going together or organizing/coordinating events together - THAT is BS in my opinion.

folkmom's picture

Submitted by folkmom on Fri, 07/02/2010 - 5:07pm

x

emmalee05's picture

Submitted by emmalee05 on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 8:41pm

yes i totally agree with you...in my case, FH has to drive a few hours away to see his son and i usually don't go because of my work but this is when BM decides to "ask" FH to accompany her to SS's events.

fullhouseof5's picture

Submitted by fullhouseof5 on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 11:23am

Do you mean go together like ride in the same car together? Or just both attend the functions? If my DH wanted to ride somewhere with BM that would be a huge no-no. But they both attend almost all of SS functions and I make it to as many as I can as well. All of our kids play soccer so every saturday we have 3 games. Sometimes DH is the ref for his boys' games so BM and I end up sitting next to each other. Super awkward at first but not so much now. Though I would never tell DH he cannot attend a function unless I am there. And I would never expect him to tell me not to attend one of my BDs activities because he couldn't be there and exh would be there.

unhappy2happy's picture

Submitted by unhappy2happy on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 11:36am

A few years ago when SS was in track, BM asked my DH if she could get a ride to the meet with him.. I was like NO I don't think so.. I normally don't go to the track meets.. The cross country ones I enjoy watching.

Most of the times when Skids had an event or play or whatever DH and I were always together. She always attended too just not with us..

Track meets were every Saturday for years, too much to do on the weekends.. Groceries, laundry, you know all that FUN stuff us mothers do..

Gia's picture

Submitted by Gia on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 12:18pm

Events in which is OK for DH and BM to be at the same time:

in no particular order:

1)Parent-teacher conference
2)Graduation
3)Wedding
4)Funeral
5)Recital/Sporting game = NOt practices, but the actual game.

That should be pretty much it. I don't see a reason to have birthdays together.

And by Together i mean that each parent drives separately and happen to be there at the same place, not like one parent picks the other up or anything THAT creepy.

For example, SD6's first Soccer game was 2 weeks ago, and I went with DH, BM went with her boyfriend, we barely said hi, and BM and DH talked about the picking up at the end of the game. Everything is good, Life is good, we go back home.

Sincerely,

G

"I will die on my feet before I live on my knees"

NachoMama's picture

Submitted by NachoMama on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 1:19pm

I hate attending functions where BMs are there!!! I feel so uncomfortable and I am really not all that interested in going to be honest. I used to go to all the ball games with DH. Not anymore...he can go if he wants but I refuse to go anymore! But it's not BMs asking him to come and go with one of them...he just goes to watch the skids play whatever sport it happens to be that day.

****I can do bad all by myself****

emmalee05's picture

Submitted by emmalee05 on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 8:44pm

so i guess it really does have to be distinguished whether or not BM wants FH there for her or for their child. I think it also has to do with the maturity level of everyone involved. In the perfect world each parent would attend the child's event separately, no one should be asking the other to go. they should care enough to want to go for the child's sake.