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Am I being over sensitive?

Whysoserious's picture

For the last 10 months my SD has refused to come to our house, as her dad (SO) and I had a big argument (he was being completely unreasonable with his daughter 7, and my sons 7 and 8 and myself and I stood up for us all). Since then I have been the evil woman in her life and has actively told my boys she hates me, that upset them badly.

Since then I have tried hard to give her space, and to come around on her own but that seemed to drive a wedge between us worse so since Jan 2021 I've been asking my partner if me and the boys could spend the odd day with them here and there at the weekends. This seemed to be going okay until today.

I spent a lot of money organising a day out for all of us, drove 30 miles north to his parents house to drop our dogs off (they would have been left on their own overnight otherwise and that wasn't happening), then 10 miles south of his parents to pick up SD, then another 10-15 miles further south (half way home really) to go to this day out, then back up to his parents house for the night because SD wants a sleepover but not at our house. 

He's now in her room at his parents, watching a movie together while me and my boys just float about downstairs on our own - they have no room of their own here to chill out in, I don't even know how to work the TV. 

I'm so sad about it but I don't know if I have a legitimate reason to be, I am 30 weeks pregnant so it could easily be my hormones acting up and all the driving today has worn me out, so that could be the reason. Either way, I can't see why we can't watch a movie downstairs all together? 

tog redux's picture

Your SO is giving his 7-year-old daughter waaaaayyy too much power. She should not have had a choice about coming over on his custody time. Everyone is scurrying around to make it work for her. She's going to end up a very entitled and difficult person.

simifan's picture

^^^^

This. Honestly, I'd get in the car and leave his a$$ there. No way would I let myself and my children be treated second class citizens. 

SteppedOut's picture

This. 

Tried out's picture

 It's your job to make sure your kids are treated fairly. It's appalling that he thinks shutting himself away with the Little Princess is acceptable behavior. Is he really that insensitive or does he just not care about you and your kids?

Whysoserious's picture

I think it's more oversensitive in all honesty. He misses her terribly and we all would prefer it if she were to live with us, not her mum. And I get that, and I get that her mum isn't as fantastic as she makes out to be. But I feel like she is wrapped up in so much care, that she's shielded from our family reality, me and my boys live with her dad and that makes us all a family. 

Whysoserious's picture

I do find it hard not to tread on eggshells when she's with us. When she's happy with the situation, she's a lovely girl to be with. It's when she feels like she's been hard done to, or left out, that I struggle with. And that does seem to be quite often. I do wonder if it's because her mum acts like she's fantastic but is controlling, manipulative and I'd go as far to say emotionally unattached to SD.