Hi there, just wanted to vent...

DH and I met 5 years ago, been married for less than a year, and I'm ready to quit this relationship.
I know my SS since he was 5. His mother abandoned him and his dad because she fell in love with someone else, and moved to another country. From what I've been told, she would abuse him and hit him at the smallest mistake (dropping a glass of water on the table equals a slap to the face). BM and DH would always yell at each other in front of SS, throw things and hurt each other verbally in front of him.

He's always been a difficult child, talking back, always angry with me. He's very smart, so he always acts like he knows more than everyone else, and everyone else is stupid, it's pretty much impossible to have a conversation with him because he always knows better and lets you know your stupid. He's always throwing tantrums when you don't buy him everything he wants or don't do the things he wants to do. I know in some way he loves me, he just doesn't seem to want to listen to me.

From the start I picked up the parenting role in the household (DH and I never had time to develop our relationship without him). DH never set any rules, I had to do the work, he always needed to give SS everything because he was abandoned by his BM. He would go to sleep at 5am playing video games all day long. He would yell at me everywhere when I didn't do everything he demanded. Finally, I had to put my foot down and demand we go to a therapist.

For a while things seemed to improved, yet my DH never did any parenting. He also never wanted to spend alone time with SS, I would ask him to, but he would refuse, because when he was a child, his mom and stepdad never did any child related activities with him, he believes SS doesn't need to. He would never go out with SS if I wasn't there. I would take SS to the park by myself and try to bond with him, and on those times we were alone, we got along better. I could tell my SS resented me because his dad would only spend time with him with me there.

On top of the lack of any parenting, my SS has always had anger issues. He would yell at me in public, in front of his son, and in front of my whole family, just as SS would do. I'm always being told that because I'm not his bio mom, I treat him badly, or that I'm too strict, or that I'm mean, and that I just don't understand that he acts that way because of his bio mom ditching him to go live a child-free life. He has expressed regret in front of SS multiple times (saying in front of SS "my only mistake in life is having a son", "if I didn't have him I could travel around and do a bung of stuff").

We have broken up two times before, the last one because I found out he was seeing other women behind my back. In that time he would travel a lot, leaving me and my SS alone, and those times he would listen to me and do the things I asked of him, and I though our relationship was getting better. I forgave him for his cheating (even though he says he never slept with anyone else), and we married less than a year ago.

Since our marriage everything seems to have gotten worse. SS is almost 10 now, and I know there's stuff that's normal for a child that age (not wanting to take a bath, not wanting to help with the dishes or house chores, etc). I know this. I just ask for my DH to back me up. But he undermines every decision I take. If he's not willing to parent his child because "he's suffered enough with his mom abandoning him" at least he could not detriment my efforts in parenting. If SS would punch a kid at school, yell at a teacher, be rude to other kids, I would try to discipline him in some way (most of the time, no video games or tv) just for DH to come and tell me I'm being mean and uncaring, and remove the consequences. If SS would embarrass him in public, he resorted to physical punishment (in our country it's not frowned upon) even when I told him that's not the way to make SS understand. Otherwise DH would just spend his time playing video games.

SS would talk to me in incredible rude ways in front of DH (like if I asked him to repeat something because I didn't heard him, he would reply "are your ears dirty or are you deaf?"), and DH would never back me up or demand SS to treat me with respect.

When I get too frustrated with the situation and vent to DH, he gets angry with me, and walks out of the house with SS, taking him to a park or McDonalds (no wonder SS feels that I've stolen his dad away from him, he just takes him out with him when he gets mad at me). He always buys him whatever he wants, regardless of bad behaviour. He gets expensive clothing, shoes, video games, ice cream, etc. He breaks toys (when he gets angry he smashes them and breaks them) and gets new ones without any consequences.

Besides that, SS says his mom doesn't come back to be with DH and him because I'm here, and I would go, BM would come back to them. He's in bed moving his head from left to right repeating "I don't have to listen to her, she's not my mom" like in a trance.

DH just made a huge scene in a vacation we were going with my family, yelled at me in front of everyone, and walked out with SS (costing us a ton of money). He did this because I've exploded with our therapist and he DID NOT like that (I said I don't know what else to do with SS and that I'm incredibly unhappy with the situation, and that DH does not want to help out, all of this things I've said to DH before many times, and he gets angry at me).

I've decided it's enough. I can't take a husband who disrespects me in public, who refuses to parent his OWN son, who let's me take all responsibility, and on top of that tell's me I'm mean to his son, just because I want him to do chores around the house and not be rude to me. I can't take this anymore. Now I'm being told I'm throwing our marriage down the drain because I don't take him back (now he's saying he's going to change, but he's said this before). That I'm hurting and traumatising his son because another mother abandons him again. Well, if he didn't want this to happen, maybe he could make an effort in raising his son, and not just playing video games.

Now SS is telling people I threw a bible at him and broke his lip (DH asked me if this is true, well If he didn't notice his son walking around with a broken lip, maybe he's not such a good father as he claims) and that I treat him like Cinderella (because doing your dishes and helping to take out the trash if such an abuse).

And I love my DH with all my heart, but I'm tired of all this BS, of being under appreciated and being the bad guy. Maybe I am losing the love of my life, but I can't anymore. I gave it my all, I've read books on step parenting, on dealing with difficult children, but it's all useless if DH does not support me. I've tried disengaging without success (DH would go weeks without taking a bath or doing school work). I know because I love my DH I could try again, but for what? Two months of effort and back to the same 'ol? There's a bunch of stuff that's good in our relationship, but it just comes out when SS is away on summer vacation with his grandparents. When he's with us we're always fighting about him. I've come to the conclusion that DH is not a good parent, and the kid's screwed because BM is also a mess.

I feel bad that I'm leaving DH in a difficult place because of my income, I feel bad that SS is going to suffer, but enough is enough. Sorry for the TLDR