Scared of a three year old
So I've never posted anything but I am at my witts end with my future (hopefully, if her dad and I can save our relationship) stepdaughter. She is three and will be turning four in a couple of months, her BM is not a horrible person she is just uneducated and does not believe in correcting or discipline, she still lives with her parents at almost 30. My boyfriend and her were never in a realtionship so you could say my SD was a total accident. Anyway, this child cries over everything! If you ask her to throw something away she cries, ask her how was your day, she cries. She rolls her eyes at mostly just me, if her dad is giving me a hug or kiss after work (we try not to be affectionate in front of her bc of this reason) she will come up and put her hand on his back or try to move mine away! We have her alot, which i used to love before i moved in with him. During the week I take her to her moms in the morning after the overnight visit and it is pure hell. She will scream at me for asking her to go potty, she will slam doors, slam toliet seats whatever. I used to let her get up and watch cartoons but since it's early (7:00) her mom suggested I let her sleep until it's time to go....thx alot mom that makes it so much better...NOT. This child has no structure, she stays up until 11:30 with her mom and sleeps most of the day away, then maybe eats fast food three times a week with her. My boyfriend tries his hardest to keep a routine with her but by the time we get her she is a dirty mess. Her face is always dirty, her pants are never zipped up and she's either tired or mad that she has to leave her moms, because at moms there are no rules and at our house there is. He tries to take her with where ever he goes, even if its just outside to move a sprinkler he'll take her but he also corrects her when she is wrong and will discipline her (make her sit in the corner or stand, whatever). She acts out in front of him too just not as bad, shes never slapped him. She does this stuff to me only when he isn't around, when he is around she will not listen or acknoweldge me. Most people believe she is a perfect angle, she never acts out in front of his parents or mine and she's actually awesome in public, like a store or dinner, you couldn't ask for a better behaved child in public, i feel we are at least blessed in that department. I had to call to set up her preschool screening, i forced her dad to take her to a doctor when she was having skin issues, all sorts of stuff and this child absolutly hates me, but she'll tell people she likes me. I feel like me and her father are being ripped apart. He tries to talk to her about being respectful to me, she doesn't have to like me but she does have to be respectful. Everyone keeps saying "she's only three" yes she is but if we don't break the habit now, then what? She won't follow instructions, she tells me no all the time and she LIES!! Lies to everyone! Her dad, me, her mom, greandparents whatever, she lies! She will make herself sick at the dinner table just so she doesn't have to eat what i make. This is tearing me apart, i can't do things with him and her because i don'f feel like part of our family. Alot of weekends i get left behind because i can't stand to be with them and be ignored or feeling like a horrible person because she only acts this way with me. We spend alot of time with his family and she is great with them, never cries, never says no. I went through a horrible realtionship before him and I have always thought, even when he and I were just friends (at this time SD actually liked me) that he was the one I wanted to marry and have children with, now I am feeling depressed and sometimes i feel like a big baby that i'm letting a three year old affect me but when you love something that absolutly despies you i guess you start feeling down. I am afraid because everything revolves (everyone gloates over her and she is so perfect and so special) around this child that all of my dreams are going to be shot down. I know she is number one priority but her dad talks about how everything is going to be a fight and difficult with her mom and now this school issue at least for the next two years. Where does it leave me? I feel like because of her being difficult if I want to be with him I have to give up my dreams of marriage and my own children and if i do have children how will her jealousy play in. Any advice would be great......do i have to harden my heart to her and just be her "babysitter" from now on? No emotions or emotional attachment to her? I'm starting to feel resentment and feel like my life is at a stand still. I truely do love him and I want to to stand beside him I just need to figure out how to deal with her and her BM.