Feeling hopeless over stepchild
So my story is lengthy so thank you for reading.... I’m new to this site and need direction on how to handle my 7 yr old SS. He is a huge Ma’am’s boy and actually walks all over her. Whines, cries, and manipulates her. When he’s with my SO, his dad he’s like another child, well behaved, respectful and has manners. My issue comes when I take care of him and his bio sister. She is awesome and then there’s him, he pushes the envelope, is rude, talks back and doesn’t mind. At one point my SO confronted the BM because he believed she was feeding the SS thoughts and talking crap to him. Her words were.... “I never said anything to him” which meant she said it to someone else in front of him. SS has made mention on multiple occasions that I’m not the BM, which I understand and except, I myself have two bio kids who have a great step mom and I know the roles are different and both valuable in there own ways. I can’t help but feeling that my SS is crappy to me because his BM, but of course she denies it and the fact he feels loyal to her. My SO always comes home and puts SS in his place and always backs me, but it doesn’t seem to stop it from happening the next time. After these talks BMhas texted me and tried to say she has behavioral issues with him due to our home, yet she’ll call my SO crying because the SS won’t listen to her or at school and he has to go to her house to devolving him. I’m just fed up and tired of the lack of accountability. If this is 7 what will 17 look like!
Stop taking care of him.
Stop taking care of him.
Your SO is not doing enough to "put him in his place" if he keeps doing it.
What do YOU do when he misbehaves with you?
I would simply not watch a kid who was disrespectful to me.
Disengage! Not worth the
Disengage! Not worth the drama. LOL, my SO's ex tried to claim that SD's behavioral problems at her house were our fault (well basically my BS's fault). SO went to the therapist with BM and SD...the therapist basically told BM that SD's problem at BM's house were b/c BM needed to step up her parenting and it looked like whatever SO was doing in our home was working out just fine. Surprisingly SO was never invited to therapy again and SD was soon done with it as well!
The best thing to do with crazy high conflict BMs that pull this crap is disengage from them and the child.
I partially feel bad for the
I partially feel bad for the SS, because he has his moments when he’s sweet and caring, just not when it’s the two of us. I’m not one to put up with crap, so I have no problem barking at him when he acts up, taking away toys, or putting him in timeou. The funny thing is he doesn’t act like a brat when my two bio kids are around, I think it’s becasue they are older and respect me and have told him to knock his crap off, or that he better listen to me. I told my SO that I believe the SS will continue to push back as long as the BM isn’t accepting of our relationship, for gawd sakes they’ve been divorced for for four years, we’ve been together three and she still has their wedding pictures and pictures of just the two of them all over social media, but that’s a whole different topic. She doesn’t like when I watch the kids, yet will ask if they can stay with me if it’s a last ditch effort. Then I’m treated like the babysitter, with texts asking about their well-being like I haven’t raised two of my own. Again I’m getting carried away with BM issues... but I think they overflow to the kids and in turn into our house. My SO and I are getting married later this year and I’m so worried this is going to be a lifelong battle.
Stop watching her kids.
Stop watching her kids.
Focus on the behaviors and
Focus on the behaviors and confront them with zero tolerance for deviation from the standards of behavior that you set for your home. That would the collective YOU. You and DH.
Any time he is in your home and violates the standards of behavior gram him by the ear, march him to the nearest isolated corner, place his nose in contact with the intersecting plains and swat him on the rump while informing him of what specific behavior got him there and that he can stay there until YOU get tired.
Lather, rinse, repeat. We lived the pre visitation behavioral degradation and the post SpermLand visitation detox for 16+ years. The most effective method we discovered for dealing with it was zero tolerance. He knew the household rules and standards of behavior and he violated those standards at his peril. When we practiced zero tolerance the pre and post visitation behavioral crap was far more limited than when we were not as strict so we chose to be consistently strict.
It works.... try it.
As for BM's problems.... who cares? The Skid's behaviors in her home are her issue. You focus on their behavior in your home.