Omfg younger SS just kicked and yelled at my 5yo
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He’s 14! 5yo wanted to sit with him on the couch. He idolizes him. 5yo was wiggling his feet against him, SS said stop and kicked him, so 5yo hit him twice “to show him how much it hurt” and SS screamed at him.
get these fu;@ ups out of my life!!! BM you taught your kids nothing!!! And now all they do is yell like you! You are a terrible mother!!! F U!!!
DH said “he’s sorry and knows it was wrong, he’s sad about all that’s been happening around him”
we are on dif levels of the house texting about it, and now DH has gone ostrich.
I keep trying to not be pissed but I’m surrounded by idiots
Tell him to keep his MFing
Tell him to keep his MFing brat OUT OF YOUR HOME.
Has something happened like
Has something happened like this before? Does your husband make excuses for SS and little to no punishment frequently?
Not yelling or hitting with
Not yelling or hitting with SS14 no. But he’s in crisis at BMs. SS17 is BPD (like BM), depressed, suicidal ideation, lgtbq confused, pot smoking and having hospitalization and episodes that are F’ed up. SS14 is stuck in the same house with 2 crazies going thru a super toxic year.
yes, DH is lack of follow through man
Hopefully, BOTH boys will be
Hopefully, BOTH boys will be punished. A 14 year old hitting a 5 year old is wrong. Putting your feet on people is nasty. I can't stand having feet on me. YUCK
That’s how he cuddles, he
That’s how he cuddles, he likes to tuck his feet against your leg to warm his toes. Doesn’t bother me. But it bugged SS and it escalated.
It doesn't bother you because
It doesn't bother you because he is your child. You have to teach your son to find a more appropriate way to deal with others. If his feet are cold, tell him to put on some socks.LOL
Again, this doesn't excuse SS's actions, but your son isn't the innocent victim in all of this.
Neither handled it well
Neither handled it well agreed. Foot thing is more of a cuddle wiggle love thing than cold feet. I don’t think it was cold feet at all actually. He just wanted to be close to his big brother.
But I do tell DS chill out and not climb all over SS when I see SS getting tired of it. But I wasn’t in the room. I had tried to convince DS to come hang with me to give SS down time with the tv actually. But SS turned on a cartoon and DH was down there too so I thought it would be fine. Just sit and watch a freakin show how hard is that people?
Hands and feet to yourself
I agree with PP, that SS needs to be reprimanded, but your DS needs to be taught hands and feet to yourself. Not do it, til person gets mad. It is not uncommon for a younger child to worship an older child, but that does not give younger child license to not keep his hands or feet to himself.
Should SS have kicked his
Should SS have kicked his brother or yelled? No.
Should DS have put his feet on SS first or hit him twice after? No.
Your son didn't have a great reaction, either. Yes, I understand he is younger, but I wouldn't throw stones at BM when your son feels it's acceptable to put his body on someone else, even lovingly, without permission.
No, I'm not absolving SS. What he did was wrong and atrocious. Your DH should handle it and punish him for his behavior. That should include him apologizing to his brother.
But your DS also needs to face consequences for his actions, or at least have a stern talking to about how he shouldn't touch other people without their permission - family or otherwise.
Agree that both kids need
Agree that both kids need consequences. 5 yo needs to learn to keep his feet to himself and not hit. But there is no excuse for a 14 yo kicking a 5 yo. Your DH needs to put a stop to that. If this is not an isolated event, I wouldn't leave the two of them alone together.
That sounds
like two siblings having an argument where both of them need consequences. Your son was told to stop and didn't. SS shouldn't have kicked him but then your five year felt the need to hit. SS didn't hit him back, he yelled at him.
You are making just as many excuses for your child as your husband is for his. Yes, your son is five but he also seems to be pretty coddled (based on previous posts) and he needs to learn not to touch people.
And he never had before until
And he never had before until SS17 had his episode in front of DS. Since then I’ve been constantly on DS about stop means stop, anger management etc.. I won’t stop being on him until he is back to his normal non reactive self. That’s my main issue I’m working on these days. He will get there.
He is also
five which is a normal age for kids to start things like this and to really start enjoying bugging their siblings. Your son is not going to go through life as a non reactive person and you shouldn't want that. You put a lot of blame on SS17 with this when really (as I stated) this was a pretty normal sibling incident.
I can appreciate that
I can appreciate that assumption, but no. This is not DS and SS14s normal. And yes it is SS17 and BMs fault. 100%.
The Nile is not just a river in Egypt.
Tell your son to keep his hands and feet ot himself. Seperate the kids if necesaary. And dont blame everything on others.
when I'm venting of course I
when I'm venting of course I will vent about whats bothering me about others. That's what venting is all about.
does it mean I don't correct my kids' behaviors? of course not. just because its not written doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
Ugh, sounds like my two sons
Ugh, sounds like my two sons (bio). The older one is 12 and has a habit of tweaking peoples ears. I cant even describe it, like take an ear in your fingers and squoosh it all up? Yeah.
The little one (6 yrs old) is a foot person. He likes to put his foot on you and scrunch up his toes.
Put the 2 of them together on a bad day, and look out. Hitting, yelling, tattling. Omg.
But on a good day? They are sitting together, one's ears being tweaked and the other receiving foot scrunchies, all calm and cool whilst watching TV.
So, maybe your guys were on a bad day? Not excusing either one, but sometimes you dont want to be messed with, and the other needs to accept and understand this. And other days it may be fine.
I do understand, though, what I posted makes my boys sound like whack-a-doos lol! It's ok.
My dad (RIP) always said raising boys was a whole different experience than raising girls. And he was right. Though it is much more difficult if that boy/girl is a stepkid. The bond is just not there.
Hang in there, Oats (hug)!
It actually turned out good.
It actually turned out good. SS was upset, DH talked to him. DS wasn’t fazed after he calmed down. SS came up (red faced from crying) and told him he loved him and he should never have hit or yelled. That’s not the way to solve things. DS was s happy clam, apologized too and said he loved him. SS apologized to me, then I pulled him in a room. Told him he is a sensitive, caring kid, who can empathize with others.. I know he lives in a home where yelling happens all the time, but don’t let that be you. I know it’s hard cuz that’s what you see, but that’s not you. He vented about all the toxic crap SS17 dishes on him. I told him try not take it to heart because he needs meds to help that. He replies but he’s not taking his meds. And I replied, and that’s why he’s not here. SS14 nodded.
Then we talked about BM and he said she’s great and how she taught him this and that. I agreed and said she has many great qualities, and she loves you very much (then I said it you guys...) but .. it’s never ok to yell at your kids. (She SCREAMS at them.. always. Belittles. Breaks things). And as I said it SS14 said it with me and nodded. I told him that’s why when I first met him, I spent a lot of time reading books about ways to help them cope, and to create a positive, happy place at our house. He said, yeah see.. you did all that stuff to make it positive and happy. You were and are always trying to make things positive. I said I wasn’t born this way, I learned it, because of you guys and DS. He said he can’t believ how quickly DS got over it. I told him it’s cuz he loves you so much. And he has such good experiences with you. In any relationship if you feed it with good times, then when there’s a fight, you see a light at the end of the tunnel, you know resolving things is worth it cuz you remember all the good times. But relationships that are negative, you don’t try because there you can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.
and in the end SS asked me for a hug and we were all good.
DH almost cried talking to me about what SS14 has to endure over there. I asked about him living here and SS doesn’t want to cuz of his friends and sports.
Crisis averted. I posted here as soon as it happened so you guys got my anger response. But I calmed down. I saw in SS14’s eye that he was worried about how I’d react. DH looked deer in headlights lost when they came up. I’m sure he was afraid of what my response would be.
Yes agree about DS not stopping wiggling his feet and hitting. Been working on that ever since SS17’sbigblow out. That’s one of the aftermath issues. DS goes over the top with mad feelings. We will get there. I won’t stop until he knows that is not ok. And learns other ways to manage those feelings.