You are here

I need a resentment dumpster

MissJulsie's picture

So..... I have been on this site on/off for years. Long story short, I did all I could go be a wonderful SM to my SS. It didn't work out. So I disengaged, and haven't seen my SS for 2.5 years. When he comes to stay, I go to my parents. It's that simple. I dont even mind doing it, and actually like visiting my family and friends in my parents town. Why then, do I still live and breathe such seething resentment of my SS? I mean, it's not like I ever see him. And DH only sees him every-other-weekend, and only on Saturday nights at that.

hereiam's picture

Because, even though you don't mind going to your parents' town and seeing family and friends, it's not something you would do EOWE, if it weren't for your SS and his behavior (or whatever the issue is). It is something in your life that you have altered because of him. Just another reminder of the sacrifices you have made and continue to make, with no thanks.

jct918's picture


I'm curious what your SO thinks of this. His 13 year old daughter is impossible to be around... I won't get into the details, but I decided to disengage about a year ago. S) and his ex have a horrible relationship, and I figure until they can parent their child I don't need to be around the insanity. We are not married (been together 3 years) and he still has his house, though he stays at mine all the time. Daughter was welcome here until about 6 months ago, then I told him when he has her, they have to stay at his house - I'm sick of my house getting trashed, her screaming and being disrespected. Last night her softball team was going to watch a game and because of some recent events I decided not to go. My SO said it was going to be 'awkward" and "what do I tell her"? I told him to tell her the truth - I don't want to go and I don't like the way she treats you; you don't need to make excuses for me. I have said these types of things directly to her in the past... very matter of fact - I call it like it is and don't beat around the bush. I'm not nasty about it at all, no screaming, no yelling - I'm just not going to be manipulated by a 13 year old or her mother (which both could teach a master class in). Needless to say it's been very cool in the house despite 100+ degrees outside. Frankly, I think me not being around her significantly reduces the stress in our relationship.

2Tired4Drama's picture

Here's the root cause of the resentment: Your DH has a significant part of his life that is off-limits to you, and probably always will be.

This is a tough and bitter pill for anyone to swallow who is in a relationship.

Even with disengagement, like you've done, it will still crop up. I've had the same emotions of resentment from time to time but I do my best to push it out of my head space. That takes practice.

Not to make light of the real condition, but I kind of dub mine "PTSD" - post-traumatic Stepdaughter. It's something that will always be around, you just have to learn to cope with the emotion of it.

MsMad's picture

I like your reply 2Tired... I am in a similar is he situation and have SD issues but love my DH.

I will try taking a leaf out of your book and try to push it out of my head space as it really gets to me. I think also being strong is key and not letting her win in getting to me.

Wise words!