Lies and games

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So SS17 has a long laundry list of mild-ish disabilities and learning difficulties. His mother saw to it that he got put into a special needs school right from when he was 6.

Anyway, for the last year, he has been lying to people, telling them he goes to a mainstream high school. I get that he's at that cusp of abilities, where he's not smart enough for real high school, but smart enough to know that being in a special is something that he's embarrassed and ashamed of.

That said, DH wanted to chat to whoever his teacher is, and ask if a certain subject could be covered in the curriculum.

So a few weeks ago, I was nearest to my phone. I quickly thumbed SS a message on Facebook messenger, to ask him which school he went to.
He wouldn't tell me, and tried to fob me off by coming back at me with deflective questions and rhetorical questions. Like "What's it to you?", or "Why do you want to know?" , or "How is it you or Dads business?".

The problem is that when you get asked questions (even if the other person is just bluffing), it puts you into a situation where you find yourself answering them, and the conversation just goes back and forth.

So the conversation went back and forth, back and forth.

Until DH gets a phone call from SS, saying that his mother (BM) is going to take out a restraining / intervention order against ME !!!!

Crazy is as crazy does, eh?

I'd disengage completely and put my energies into building hard boundaries that keep SS from ever moving in with you. Ever, EVER. Because it's very common for alienating BMs to kick their stunted "precious babies" out once the c.s. stops. I'd be dropping hints about group homes and training programs for special needs adults too, emphasizing how good it will be for SS to live independently.

Your SS is going to be an adult booby prize soon don't get stuck with him.

You need to disengage and

You need to disengage and distance yourself from this kid - if DH wants to know something, he can ask SS himself.

Just make sure that when CS ends

BM doesn't try's to make him live with you. With she can't handle him, needs a father to guide him Bull Shi*

Just wanting her life back and giving you the hot mess

WAIT!! I think you all

WAIT!! I think you all misunderstood.

BM is not trying to get rid of her son, nor is she getting an IVO against him.

It's me. She wants to get an IVO against me. Because apparently I was 'harassing' SS.

I understood your post. No

I understood your post. No way is BM going to be able to get an RO against you. It's just her and her son being cray cray and manufactoring drama.

I do think you need to be playing the long game here. Once child support stops, many previously doting BMs become irritated with the expensive mooching monsters they've created. Or their partners start pressuring to have these adult lumps launch. We see it all the time here.

Dads who've been marginalized lose all sense of reality when their kids say "Daddee, I want to wive wif Uuuu". They don't see the pitfalls and become deaf to all logic. The very LAST thing you want is your SS living with you. Even if it's sold as a short time arrangement, you'll never get him out. Father and son will be happy together in their dysfunction, while you're miserable.

You can betcha bottom dollar

You can betcha bottom dollar that there is no way in hell, heaven and earth that SS would ever live with us. Even if BM got zapped by lightening and died, and SS HAD to come live with us, I would simply move out and get a divorce immediately. It's a deal-breaker and I'm not afraid to use it.

No one misunderstood your

No one misunderstood your post, they're telling you what's most likely going to happen. Right NOW BM is creating a little disrespectful monster and one day that mommas boy that was taught he can be disrespectful to his dad and his dad's wife is going to turn on her (because all teens do it to a certain extent). She won't be able to control him because she's let him act such an ass to y'all. He will behave towards her just as crazy as she allows him to behaves towards you. And you will get to sit back and enjoy the karma. BUT at that point you need to be firm with you DH that letting a feral teen mommas boy into your household will not undo the damage BM has done. She is making her bed, and you will need to make sure she keeps it when "it" turns on her.

And she can't get a

And she can't get a restraining order on you bc you asked for what school he goes too. *eyeroll*

I'm already sitting back and

I'm already sitting back and enjoying the karma. Apparently BM has been going through a phase of yelling at SS all the time. DH reckons she's starting to lose the plot. I would purr like the Cheshire Cat if she wound up completely going around the bend.

Your new mantra should be

Your new mantra should be "not my problem" if is truly freeing.

Don't ask questions don't offer advice don't even bring up your SS as a topic let your husband bring him up if he wants. if your husband starts getting annoyed that you seem very disinterested in his child remind him that when you become a involved it increases the level of drama for everyone and you don't want to do that to him

I should have done that in

I should have done that in the first place

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