What do you think an close, appropriate relationship between a father & adult daughter looks like?
This issue seems to come up all the time on ST so I thought I'd ask.
What do you think the SMs involvement should be?
I personally don't see a problem with Dad and/or Daughter calling each other up and saying "want to meet me for lunch at _______ next Saturday?" or doing stuff they're both interested in together.
I believe, though, it depends on the history of things between the SM and SD, how Dad handles things, how it is worded, and if it is meant to be hurtful to SM. Saying "Dad, want to meet me for lunch next Saturday" is a lot different than saying "Do you want to come over for dinner soon? Don't bring your wife, though- I hate her guts and never want to see her again."
I also think each situation is different and should be handled differently. Plenty of us are SDs and do have histories of being nice to our stepmothers. Some stepmothers truly are the $hit stirrers. Then there are oodles of SDs who are $hit stirrers, while the SMs have histories of being nice.
In short, I do not see problems with parents doing stuff with their adult kids like catching up over lunch or dinner. I think the problem is when the SK treats the SP like $hit and dictates things (or tries to) and says the SP isn't welcome.