Watching my husband act like fool over his "baby"
Ok I haven't posted in a long time because both S-kids have moved out & things have been pretty good. I know that could change in an instant if SS 23, the pill-popping under achiever, loses his happy home with dopey GF but I try very hard not to think about that.
Last night H's "baby" SD 22 came over for dinner. We don't see her as much as we used to since she broke up with BF. From the looks of facebook she's living hard & partying up a storm. She was super tired last night & extra whinny. This chick whines about everything & nothing is ever her fault. We have been close at times & I try to guide her as much as she lets me. Her BM is a loon & out of the picture for years.
So she's whinning about her job, they always tell her when she's doing something wrong & she's whinning about her room mate who is my oldest son 28, that rents a house & she moved in w/last year. He's so messy, whine, whine. Ok whatever, I just focused on making my pot of chili & tried to give her good advise when I could get a word in.
H comes downstairs, "Why didn't you tell me my baby was here!!" He proceeds to fawn over her, rubbing her shoulders & telling her how beautiful/ wonderful she is, how he misses her so much every day & she must start coming over more & they need a daddy/ daughter day real soon! I almost threw up, right in the chili! So this goes on all evening. I felt like the maid, serving them dinner & cleaning up all the mess.
She brought a bag of Fritos to snack on & put some in the chili. H proclaims that to be the best idea he's ever heard of! OMG how smart of her!! I just sat there, stunned. H has always treated both of his kids like babies which is why they continue to act like it. This display last night actually made me sick to my stomach, it's the worst I've seen it.
Earlier before H came downstairs, SD mentioned to me (again) about a ticket she had gotten last week for a broken headlight. I told her last week & again last night that her dad is working 15 hour days right now & just go to our mechanic friend who will fix it super cheap, if not for free & is down the street from her work. She says something about it again in front of her dad who had worked all day & of course he ran out & did it in the dark.
I know things could be worse because they have been in the past, Lord knows! I just couldn't help but feel creeped out somewhat by the way he was talking, touching & acting toward her. She was just eating up & talking in her very best baby voice, which also made me want to yak.
Am I just being petty & jealous? My dad & I loved each other very much & I miss him everyday since he passed but if he ever would have talked & touched me like that I would have been very uncomfortable not to mention demeaned. I was married with a child by her age, very independent & wanted respect not to be babied.
Maybe he feels he needs to
Maybe he feels he needs to compensate for their BM being out of the picture. I agree that he needs to help them learn to deal with that (he really should've done that years ago), but he's really going about it the wrong way.
Wow! After he changed her
Wow!
After he changed her busted headlight, you should have asked your H if he was
going to change her diaper next.
Playing the "daddy's little
Playing the "daddy's little girl" card. Queen bee did that for years, even getting a shirt that said that exact phrase when she was in her late 20s! :jawdrop: it was disgusting. Men see their daughters so differently, esp if it's the only girl in the family. I don't know of anything to do except excuse yourself to the bathroom a lot. :sick:
Great replies!! Thanks for
Great replies!! Thanks for the support ladies! I can usually handle the little stuff like this but for some reason it really got me down today. I love how supportive this forum is! We step moms nned all the help we can get!!!
It is easy to see why it
It is easy to see why it would get you down. Over-saturation. And yes, puke!!! Do you really think when DHs are going all goo-goo-ga-ga over skids that they are honest and sincere, that all this gushing is coming deep from the soul because of the overwhelming love they have for their children? I know when my DH showed so much nurturing concern over SD it was an act of manipulation. And could have been a bit of a game between them (whether they realized it or not) to get a rise out of me.
Get a little dog. Every time they start in with the goo-ga crap, do it to the dog in front of them, then take a good look at their faces. You could a have a lot of fun.
I wish I had words of wisdom
I wish I had words of wisdom for you, maybe you can record them behaving like a couple and later show your DH but then delete it afterwards. Him seeing himself with her might make him open his eyes if it looks as disgusting as it sounds.
I know one guy who does/thinks that way with his oldest son {in his 20's} and to me it looks like they could starting making out at any time. :sick: The dad is a heavy drinker and is highly proud of his happy healthy bouncing baby boy.
"She brought a bag of Fritos to snack on & put some in the chili. H proclaims that to be the best idea he's ever heard of! OMG how smart of her!!" Don't most people know about that already? Sorry I visualized him eating her every word.
My DH chases his grown kids
My DH chases his grown kids like that too sometimes. He's so afraid they are going to wake up one day and just stop loving him. Guilt over this and that. I have zero patience for that. Hell, even parents who have not divorced feel guilt over things that they should/should not have done. But what can be done about it? Nothing. It's in the PAST (where DH and SD tend to live). Learn from your mistakes and go forward--it's not a hard concept, it truly isn't. Show the kids what a loving marriage LOOKS like.
When DH gets gooey over his kids, I just have to leave the room. I can't stand it.
My SO does the same thing.
My SO does the same thing. All one of his 'girls' have to do is pout, and the youngest one is the best at that...lip comes out and she looks like a puppy about to cry. He will rub her shoulder, stroke her hair, whatever. Last year at XMAS they came over to help decorate our tree (his tradition with them). So the oldest bring her BF, well guess the younger one didn't like that and so she pouted on the couch while the rest of us had fun decorating. Then SO goes over and sits by her and stokes her hair and rubs her arm. Later I said what was wrong with M, he said oh she was pouting over something. So if he knew she was pouting...why play into it?
I totally agree! Dh has 3
I totally agree! Dh has 3 worthless sons, but at least I don't have to watch him go ga-ga over a daughter. I WOULD puke! I love my own dad, but geez...he's NEVER been like that with me and I wouldn't WANT him to! Creeepy....
However, I DO have to listen to dh talk about how well SS20 is doing in the halfway house...like I'm supposed to give him all kinds of kudos for doing well after doing NOTHING for 3 years, but live off dear old dad and do drugs?? Yearight. Don't think so. Just glad he's out of the house. Don't want to hear about it.
EWWWW! I would find that the
EWWWW! I would find that the biggest turn off ever!! Honestly, how bloody revolting is that - watching your grown ass hubby treat his grown ass daughter as though she were 6 - just so disgusting!
It would bring out the very, very worst in me - I'd probaby get myself a vomit bucket and carry it around close to me.. every time they got into their sickening little act, I would bend over and vomit.. loudly.
I understand how you feel
I understand how you feel
It makes you feel as if your SD is everything to your DH and you are just a second-class smuck
Can feel a little humiliating too if you have the type of SD who sees you as competition and thinks she's scoring big time as top dog ....hopefully your SD isn't like that
My H tends to gravel, and go gaga gaga over YSD too
I remind myself not to compare my relationship with H to YSD's relationship with H
I focus only on my own relationship with H, and my own relationship with YSD
As long as I feel H loves me, is proud of me, attracted to me, etc.. then I accept this is our relationship, and it is different from his relationship with YSD
Hard to do but comes with practice
its guilt. whenever the sds
its guilt. whenever the sds are around i cease to exist. miniwives.