Would I be wrong to take her to be evaluated on my own? She lives with us and is on my insurance...

Would you be wrong? Legally, yes. Step parents do not have that legal right even if steps live with them and are on their insurance.

Yes.  You would be wrong.  Not to mention that most doctors won't see you anyway, since you are not the biological parent.

Is something wrong with BM for that to happen ?  Think about that,  if BM is nuts. Don’t you think it’s passed on to her kids ?  In not then google it 

You just described my life except my sd is 4. Her mother thinks she will grow out of her ADHD and   Sensory issues and that diagnosis would be a self fulfilling prophecy. I have worked with kids and adults with disabilities for half my life.   I have a sister with these exact same  issues. I am with my SD more than either of her parents because I am a SAHM, so I am daycare for her. I love her but she makes me want to rip out all of my hair. My 7.5 yo has always been an easy child until she came and into the picture. At least her dad sees it. So there’s that. I would like to make custody 50/50 so we can have two weeks of peace per month, but I don’t see that happening because her mom is a nurse and her schedule is all wonky. 

Anyway, I just wanted to commiserate with you. I have no idea how I am going to live through 14 more years of this shit without counseling or putting this child on meds when we are able to. 

I don’t think morally you’d be wrong but legally, as others have pointed out, yes. You also may be fighting a losing battle. If he is against it then there’s nothing you can do and he could press charges if you somehow managed to get a doctor to prescribe medication and gave to her against his wishes.

Honestly there are bigger problems that a doctor can’t be solved. Your husband is ignoring his daughter’s well-being and allowing it to negatively impact the home. On top of that if this is an issue with ADHD or anything medication would solve it HAS to be negativity impacting her school performance. How has he avoided issues with the school?

I’d have a sit down and explain that her behavior is unacceptable. That something will have to change. Depending on how bad it is you have to consider what you are doing to your son. What lessons are you teaching him? Is it just annoying or is it really making his home life a bad thing.

How active is sd and what's her diet like? Is she enrolled in activities that serve as an outlet for her energy? Look at other options before going the med route.  

^ Yes! If dad won't medicate than exhaust her in other ways- swim team, softball, cheer, gymnastics. Get her involved in things at least daily if not 2x a day!

I did not read the responces, but is the school telling you there are issues? If not, this is my 7 yr old to a T. I have brought him to a doctor since his older brother is ADHD. Since the school has no issues with behavior, unfortunatly your home life is what needs to change. It is like this, why are kids at there worst with thier parents????????? Because you are safe, and maybe a push over cause you love them. I know i am, so i had to realize this and take a look at how am i handling this behavior at home???

In high school before agreeing to medicate her. She went from all D's and F's to all A's. She actually graduated with honors. Vyvanse did wonders for SD's life.  BM would only let her have something from the health store called sea buddies that she called her "focus pills". They didn't do jack for SD's ADHD but the real meds, once she was put on them , turned her life around . So I feel for you . I do 

You wouldn't deny a child a pair of glasses to see better, so if she needs meds to make her brain work better so she can learn, so be it.  I also can vouch for a positive change with ADD meds.  Grades weny up, math became understandable, things got accomplished.  

If her father is so against meds, then he can change his schedule to spend all of his time with SD and deal with it.  It is unfair to all three of you to suffer because of his stubborness.  

Will actually help SD.  No other people including, her classmates will want to deal with crazy SD.  She will have no friends at school, will not be able to do group projects in class.  She will get bad grades and feel bad about herself 

for a child to adjust to a new living situation. Especially with a parent who was not as involved as he could have been previously and the abandonment of the primary parent. It is going to take awhile for your son to adjust as well. If you can't give it time then it is time for you to leave because in the end, your husband's obligation is to his child (she isn't going anywhere). 

Medication may or may not be the right course of action. There are steps before simply medicating the child and she won't be on medication at home. There are also significant side effects and it is up to your husband to decide if this is right for her. 

BTW, most seven year olds are active, impulsive and to a certain extent, intrusive. And what to do you mean by intrusive?