You are here

again with the phone calls...a little venting

Step-Mom-ster's picture

I know I posted just a few days ago about my phone call situation, asking if I should be the one asking the kids to call their mom. That issue has been resolved and she is the one calling my phone now (instead of the other way around) and I really appreciate all the input, it truly helped, so this is why I wanted to ask this here aswell.... So now the issue is the kids. The last 2 nights when she's called they start bickering and badly (they're 5 & 6yr old boys) so its to be understood that they bicker some just for the fact that they are brothers, but this is next level type of stuff...its every single little thing "he's holding the phone" & "that's not fair" **whine*whine* "hes touching me" *whine*crying* "no I'm not he's lying!" *crying and yelling at each other*

& so get the point. By now I haven't intervened because I think its on her to wrangle them in if she's on the phone with them and wants them to pay attention to her, so I sit by and both nights it continued to escalate to the point where they were both crying and whinning and garbeling unrecognizable I step in and am attempting to referee, with no help from her..they need a time out so I polietly excuse them from her on the phone and tell her they will call her back...then all heck breaks loose "I wanna talk to my mom!!" Whahhhh... this is a lose lose situation for me Sad

I am going to rip my hair out...

Step-Mom-ster's picture

Any suggestions? Be sides not having them talk to her on my phone (that will just cause more issues) **Also a note; these are normally fairly well behaved little guys that are pretty respectful towards me, they only have been behaving like this during the phone calls with her***

Thank you so much in advance! ♡

Step-Mom-ster's picture

I appreciate that but the phone is not the main thing. I usually do have it in between them, then they fight over who's closer... The phone is always on speaker; them bickering is what's driving me batty and knowing what to do....intervene or to not intervene

Rags's picture

Dad's visitation time is dad's time and BM should not get phone time. Unless there is an emergency. If BM can keep her head in the behavioral game then maybe, and I mean only maybe, the Skids can call her for 5mins each to say goodnight.

If BM can't control her kids, she gets no access on dad's time.

IMHO of course.

Monchichi's picture

Step immaterial of wether or not it is mom hone time discipline / boundaries remain. There is no call later. They have 2 choices before the call happens 1. Behave, share and have a great talk with mom or 2. Misbehave and call is ended immediately. They then have to go time out for 5 & 6 minutes. This is not a negotiation. Give instruction once, offer 1 reminder if you see them starting then it's straight to consequence. Their mother will not discipline she is absent from the situation.

hereiam's picture

I agree. Explain to them how they should be behaving during these phone calls and when they misbehave, phone call is over and consequences given.

Does she call everyday?

momandmore's picture

I would also lay down some rules for them for during the calls.

I couldn't handle everyday phone calls, especially in the beginning. My two youngest steps are very close in age and would do the same thing. They wanted to hold the phone and fought over it.
I had to separate them during phone calls a few times, not really due to that but it helped.

ClutterMusings's picture

I am not sure your particular situation...but why is your DH not the one handling the phone calls? I would never in a million years have BM calling my phone, me sitting in moderating the convo and kids behavior, or having the kids call their BM. That is stressful and uncalled for. Can your DH take over that role? IMO he should be the one doing this.

Jenna29's picture

Why is the BM getting phone calls on dads time? If they can't behave then they can't call her, but I don't understand why there are phone calls to begin with