I agree. And, yes, he is the one that "shorted" her. Do note one thing.....he has not said anything about my directly not buying her anything and he has not accused me of such. He wouldn't DARE, at this point in my disengaging from her, do that.

DH is truely a nice guy. And as such he doesn't like to hurt people, or see people feel hurt, much less Twit. What I just can't understand is why he keeps going back, or wanting to go back, to get kicked again. I'm not sure if he is just thick skinned or thick headed

I mean, he wasn't at all pleased about her version of Christmas Day dinner....be there by 12-12:30p.m., fed us frozen pizza, and pretty much pushed us out the door by 1:30p.m.! As I said, didn't phase me, I wasn't hurt, didn't actually care and the emotions I felt were humor and pity for Twit. But I do know my DH did not expect that at all.

twopines - When one deals with Twit it is always ridiculous. Read my response above and you will see that he really is a nice guy, and that is the problem. Heck, that is part of the problem, sometimes he feels real bad about what Twit did/does to me, and then feels that I should rise above it, over look it, I didn't understand, she was just joking, etc in defense of her. I guess it must be real hard to start to realize just what a jerk your daughter is.

In my layperson opinion, I think Twit has some kind of psycho problem. She lies and then accuses everyone else of lying, she thinks she is better than every one else. When her own son was busted for having drugs on the high school property, she saw it as: how could he do this to HER, instead of putting the fault on the kid's action and realizing he needed to be straightened out. She was upset because of what people would think about her.

Sometimes I also think he also knows this, but I'm not going there. It is far too deep for me and not my problem, nor one I want to get involved in.

OC - We are both retired. He in his early-mid 70's, me in the mid 60's. I just happen to have more than he does, and I don't comingle funds except the social security and pension. The house is mine....I paid for it out of selling my original house which was in my name as is this one. I bought the car, cash, though he has and is paying me for half of it over time - interest free. He does the best he can with what he has and we do maintain a monthly budget. Taking Twit the leach out for the seafood buffet would be a strain on our monthly budget and, IMO, is not necessary. And, I certainly am not going to pony up either $$$ or points that I have for her....that would be counteractive to my disengaging from Twit.

I guess the problem here is that I have disengaged from Twit but he hasn't. So while I don't feel bad about not getting her anything, he does. BUT, he should have taken care of it. I did give him notice. I do think that he figured that it being Christmas, I wouldn't stick to my guns about Twit. He figured wrong.

OC - I would be thrilled to get a lunch or even just the 1 pound box of good candy from Twit. As you say, it's not a lot, but it shows you care and think about them and they rate with you. When Twit gives her garbage, it shows disdain and disrespect IMO. As Twit says, "But it's the THOUGHT that counts". Well, yes it is, but when you give trash thought there is not very high.

OC, IMHO you obviously rate because your one son didn't, as Twit would do, give you an old beat up, rusted, battery acided out flashlight she found in a junk box lot.

Last time it was about a week. During that time he still vacilated to seeing my side of things with Twit and then siding with Twit. It's not that he doesn't feel bad about her capers, it is just....well I would imagine tough for a parent to face reality. He has been hurt many times by her but he keeps going back for more. What can I say?

I will say he is having some old age (I hope) issues with some early dementia and that might also be playing into things. Regardless, it is very tough to deal with.

catmom - We are on the same thought train. Already did. DD was suppose to come down here for the Holidays, Christmas Eve thru today, but with the weather and all the blizzards and snow I told her to stay put and wait until later to come when the weather is better, during the summer.

Have all her family's packaged packed up and ready to go to the USPO tomorrow, weather permitting.

Wow, Towanda, that is chutzpah in the first degree! I'm sure it hurt to be taken advantage of like that.

Yep, the company does give Twit paid vacations, goodies, etc. all based on her sales etc. Last March she went on a paid vacation, through them, a cruise to the Bahamas. She bought all kinds of trinkets, but though DH watched her dogs for her, he got nadda. In fact, she was teed that she didn't know that things were cheaper down there because they were duty free or she would have brought more $$.

I knew about things being duty free in the Bahamas, but I didn't volunteer it. Geez, I was barely speaking to her after the Christmas fiasco etc. So, once again, her antics deprived her of knowledge that could have been in her benefit.

She is always bragging about what latest goodie she got from Pampered Chef. She actually had the nerve once, just once, to mention that for the really big stuff, trips she needed more sales and parties and that the associates that reach those levels get lots of help from their parents (hint, hint) who handle all the paperwork, etc. for them for FREE. Yeah, like that was or is ever gonna happen. She wanted Dad, and probably me, to take care of all the paperwork, ordering, etc., so she can just do parties and shows and get more rewards. No way, no how.

Sandy - Good point and I haven't a clue except that he likes to be generous to Twit and in the past, I have as I had treated her just as I treated my own daughter. The diffence is that my daughter treats me well, respects me, etc. Twit has shown her disdain for not only me, but DH, year after year, time after time. Twit EXPECTS very generous gifts, very adulous attention and gives absolutely nothing in return. You know, now that I think of it she never has paid me a compliment or a thank you on the nice gifts she was given. Nor has she ever paid a compliment on anything I have worn. Considering I have known her now for over 19 years that's a bit strange.

Maybe he is trying to buy her affection and attention? I had an antique walnut oval mirror made for hanging on the wall as it still had its original chain on the back. It was not one of those dresser mirrors that was originally on a dresser, but the real mc coy. Anyway, several years back Twit talked about it and how it was just what she wa looking for (hint, hint) and one day, without even asking me (and it was MINE), DH offered it to her. She took it and then got mad at me for some trivial thing and sent a written note to ME stating that while it was okay, she didn't know if her husband and she really liked it...blah, blah, blah. Guess this was suppose to hurt my feelings or something (shrug). So, I wrote back that she would take it to the UPS Store have them pack it and send it back to me - at my expense. THAT never happened. It went on their wall real quick. That is one of her problems, when she does get something she *itches about how it doesn't really fit in, not exactly what she wanted, BUT she might do you the favor of keeping it. Never got a thank you on that either.

Her husband later told me it was just what they were looking for and he was thrilled "we" gave it to them, he didn't know what her problem was or what she was talking about. He was grateful to get it as he loves the old hanging chain it has on it, he has never seen another one with the chain still there. BTW, her husband is nice, though how he puts up with her is beyond me. I note that he works a lot of overtime and weekends so maybe that says a lot. He's salaried so he doesn't get overtime pay for the extra hours. There could be a divorce brewing here in the future, but who knows. Twit won't realize it until it hits her in the face, but then that is so true with her kind.

And yes, DH got chewed out by me for giving it away without asking me.....I was planning to give it to MY DD as it was out of my grandmother's house. He won't do that again.

I already thought of the ashtray. In fact, it is out in the junk bin in the garage. I would love to do that, but I am certain DH would stop me as, to put it in his words, "it would just start more trouble". Dang it, would be fun and would make me feel real good.

Well said. Yes, I could have laughed out loud, but that would have started an arguement. By calmly saying No and the rest, there was no doubt that I meant it. Case closed. And he hasn't brought it up to me again, but then he is still somewhat pouting.

As you know I have been working very hard disengaging since last Christmas. Seeing as this is still somewhat of a shock to Twit, I expect she doesn't know what is going on as she can't get a rise out of me, I don't get into arguments with her, I pretty much just ignore her when I have to be around her. When she tries to get in my face about something, I just calmly look at her like she's some kind of loon, which she is, chuckle and walk away. Leaves her sputtering every time. Who wants to waste time and energy on her nonsense.

And, as I said, this Christmas was the most peaceful I have had in a long time regarding Twit. I had disengaged and I'm not going back. Trust me, there is no reason to take carp off of her.

Now, DH is the problem. But I sometimes think that he not only has to come to the realization that I am through with Twit, she is now totally HIS problem. And, just because it is Christmas doesn't mean I am going to be any different towards her.

Oh, he is gonna catch h*ll from her, just you watch. He just better not start to take her bad behavior out on me if he knows what's good for him. Right now, I think he is somewhat confused, and hurt by Twit, but that is NMP. It will be interesting to watch and see what the outcome is here....does he buy her a gift? does she tear him a new one? And the big question: Just how long is he going to take this carp from her?

After years of being told that I was being too sensitive, etc., and Twits deliberate insults, I have come too far to go back to that behavior. Now to get my DH to get his head out of the ground where she is concerned.

Does any one know if when the SK's target, the SM, bows out...disengages....do DH's start to see what these Twits are as the anger and meaness gets directed at them?

oleone - You have that right. I now look at her, when she tries to start something, like she is a loon (that she is) and then chuckle and walk away. Leaves her sputtering every time. Doing that gives her absolutely nothing, nothing to complain about.

Also, I no longer answer the land line phone here, the one she generally calls on. Last spring, when I answered, she wanted her Father, I told her I would get him. Now she was nice about asking for Daddy, but just as I was about to put the phone down, she made a very sarcastic remark about "that's right lady, run and tell daddy his darling daughter wants to talk to him". At which point I clearned my throat and she continued: "Oh! did you hear that? Soorry". To which point I told her that before she makes such smart alex remarks, she should make sure the other party (me in this case) is not on the line. And, I did let "Daddy" know about her smart mouth and that it was uncalled for. he agreed, but, sigh, we all know how it goes.