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Ss20 and reasonable household chores

shamds's picture

So hubby messaged me today saying he’ll be a bit late after work as will be picking up ss20 from uni (long university break now), he will be on holidays when we go overseas to my country in 2 weeks time for just under a fortnight

previously our 3 cats were left at a vet clinic nearby or we’d have a bil and his wife come over every couple of day to clean litter, top up biscuts and water and they’d sweep our house but hubby paid them money to do that

hubby came to a realisation that this is bloody ridiculous when he has a more than capable just lazy princess of a ss who can do all this, empty trash daily and vacuum/mop etc but just refuses to and having family come over to do this while ss is home is just embarassing.

so hubby is making his son drive us to and from airport, he will have to do all tgese chores and be reminded daily and then if he lies and we come home, guess what? We are not cleaning. If i have cleaned and left it spotless ss should be expected to do the same... 

its ridiculous hubby whilst on holidays overseas has to remind his ss of the specific chores and since hubby doesn’t trust him as he’s lied before, then pics are to be sent as we can tell if they are pics from days ago when nothing has changed... hubby said this is to begin with and if the “imaginary stress syndrome” comes on, hubby will tell ss to grow up, something never done before. 

First day back today with a basket full of cleaning products for ss to clean his room within 24 hours till spotless. Hubby is telling him there will be no mould smell or spores anymore in his room as this can spread elsewhere. If not done and excuses made, hubby needs to do repercussions

hubby needs guidance on this because he knows it must be done, he’s just clueless how to manage it. Hopefully ss feels the inevitable pain from being such a pampered self-entitled princess

 

justmakingthebest's picture

I agree with STaround.... On paper it sounds like a good plan but I would be worried about my animals suffering due to a lazy SS. Mabe for the 1st time, BIL and wife can stop by a few times to make sure things are done. If not, report back to you and your DH?

shamds's picture

he’s too lazy to top up biscuits 3 times a day and will dump a massive amount once a day which where we live in tropical climate attracts ants.

but we know he does as per previous occasions leave biscuits and water for the cats, just a tad lazy checking poop in litter 2-3 times a day which is why i told hubby if he tops up biscuits 3x a day he can check for poop.

we’ll just have to see but bil wife will always mention to me he clearly didn’t appear to do anything

its just we’ve never asked bil and wife come over for free, we’ve always given quite a bit of money but hubby wants to not waste money and rely on ss to do this.

so the counter measure of him being lazy and needing reminding is hubby asks everyday specifically what is to be done and send pics to confirm it, we’ll be able to see if he’s sending the exact same pic that nothing at home has changed etc and know he’s potentially lying.

his room smells of bleach now. He’s busy scrubbing away because he knows his bullshit lying has failed and hubby isn’t taking his nonsense and crap any longer

ESMOD's picture

I will be honest... we had cats and just did once a day checks for litter box, food and water.  In fact, I would leave for a weekend and have no issues.  Just put a couple of back up water bowls and food bowls out and started with a completely fresh litter box.

shamds's picture

abd day of or evening beforw he changes all litter trays.

i make sure area is sweeped and mopped and keep extra containers of water just incase ss has to go for the day with uni friends to study or do errands

but we always know in advance or at least hubby does that ss will be home the full time we are away.

if he can come out of his room 5-7 times a day for drinks and food he can and should be able to for 3 times a day at most

notasm3's picture

Put a camera on the litter box and food bowl. You can see in real time if he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing. 

sunshinex's picture

Oh my gosh, he's 20! They're not household chores, just being a freaking human being and cleaning up where you're staying. 

I've been living on my own since 16. Watching my parents house when they travel since 18. Always had to clean up and do normal household care. 

What the heck is wrong with ADULT skids that can't function?

shamds's picture

ss20 has a serious case of “imaginary stress syndrome”, it instantly hits him when hubby asks he pull his weight around home, be a decent human being and participate as an active member of this household or tell him he’s been an arsehole to eveyone at home and thats not on suddenly “oh i’m stressed”.

so about 2.5 months ago a long message got sent to hubby asking him what a 20yr old son who has no actual responsibilities besides going to uni is stressed about? Its not life or death. I referred to ss as princess, asked hubby how the heck he could allow his son to emotionally abuse us, make excuses to not do chores, talk back always disrespectfully, but still be allowed to reside home (a privilege), and have his own room (a privilege) yet shows no respect for this privilege by cleaning it and being respectful and civil to others. 

Had to remind him that allowing this to continue meant our 2 toddlers would learn and follow and hell i’d rather divorce you and avoid further bad behaviour being tolerated

it had to be spelt clearly for hubby that it was unacceptable he endorse ss behaviour and allow the treatment to continue and my only option was divorce. That was hubbys reality check, then he realised he’s been lied to by ss (no surprise and something my then blind husband refused to see), ss is used to manipulating hubby by chucking a princess hissy fit to shut hubby up except this last time when he called hubby to say he was coming home and hubby laid out the basic expectations and behaviours above, he just never came.

this time hubby ignored him and went about his life, ss realised he’s in the shits majorly.

it was so ridiculous i had to lay out the above for hubby to take action and even tell my husband to get back with exwife for a bit just to re-jog the hell he endured  with her and appreciate how heaven has been with me the past 4 yrs plus we have been married.

yeah he got there real quick but we just have the minor glitches and tweaking here and there but its friggin ridiculous when a 20yr old ss makes it like the basic above (being a basic human being) he makes it out to be like he’s gonna die. Drama queen much??

pretty sure he was referred to a “princess drama queen with imaginary stress syndrome” many times and it got into hubbys head thats what he has for a son