SD36 is stealing my designs
I've had my woes with this SD trying to insert herself into my place in DH's life. Now she has taken it to a new level.
A month ago when at a DH family birthday party, I shared a unique idea about how I was going to design a patio in the woods in back of the house we are building. Right now there is the remnants of a 100+ yr. old cabin in the woods (just the concrete left) which I plan to restore to look like a log cabin again, but in the form of a three sided patio, rustic into the hillside.
This morning guess what was waiting in DH's e-mail, but pictures of SD36's new patio. Low and behold it's a log cabin wall.
She has a townhouse in the city with a detached garage and a small patio connecting. It is no coincidence that she suddenly has a log cabin patio.
DH said to me right away "that was your idea". I first came up with the concept 6 months ago when we first bought the property but we've been too busy with the main house construction and didn't get to the patio remodel yet.
Everything I say, everything I do, and now even my personal touch is taken and twisted into something SD can use.
Irritating, but all to the
Irritating, but all to the good as your DH can't ignore such blatant crazy.
Your SD needs professional help. She's desperate to be the top woman, but her father and brother(s?) have evolved and formed romantic relationships that have displaced her in the family hierarchy. Hopefully your DH will speak some truth to her and recommend some therapy.
She does indeed need therapy.
She does indeed need therapy. I feel like I'm the target of some sick game she is playing.
My ExH is a landscape
My ExH is a landscape architect and had his own design/build firm. His designs were truly unique and he even took people to court where he proved he was the original designer, and won. Him and I built the company together over decades. So, I'm not new to the area of design.
Having said that, the proof is in the details of the design. I am not going to say anything to her because getting under my skin is what she likes to do.
I will be the first to admit
I will be the first to admit that my ExDH was the gifted designer, having gotten his degree in that field and studied in several countries in Europe as well. He was even a published author. I wish I had his talent, but I am happy with having just been exposed to it over the years.
My SD copying my ideas is not in this case an actionable thing, like it was in the business world, with ExDh's architectural designs. A court did award him the rights to his design and ordered the other party to cease using it.
I find it funny that I'm
I find it funny that I'm talking favorably about my ex but in spite of his talents, he was a disaster as a husband. Made plenty of $$$$ but he was never home.
Yes, I feel like I have to
Yes, I feel like I have to completely clam up at these social functions or something will be either used against me or thrown in my face somehow. How uncomfortable to just sit there.
We deleted all of our social media when DH and I got married. Thankfully so.
Oh yes. She feels like a spy
Oh yes. She feels like a spy and I avoid her like the plague, but she does e-mail and pry information out of DH which I have no control over also. It never occurred to me that I have to be this protective and secretive person with my life. I don't like being that way.
DH tells me that he is a trusting person and I don't trust people. I will be the first to admit that I don't trust people, they have to earn that trust over time.
DH definitely talks too much.
DH definitely talks too much. I don't want to hear anything about her and likewise, I don't want her to know our personal business. Unfortunately she digs for information and likes to be the one in the know about everything.
Yes, obsessive to the 10th
Yes, obsessive to the 10th degree.
If I had any doubts about her intent to cause discord between DH and me, I got my proof.
A week before this latest drama, the following e-mail was sent to DH from his adult daughter:
quote "Hi DH. I called you tonight, but TwirlMS says you were still painting the house. So, it must have the walls roof and drywall done? But I thought that was more at the end of the project. Anyways, those blinds I have of yours, are you still going to use them or will they not fit the windows?" end quote.
WHY is DH's 36 yr. old daughter talking about putting mini-blinds into MY house?
All I have to say is 'get a life' SD.
The only thing I added is
The only thing I added is "quote and unquote" and to protect my privacy, took my real name out and put my screen name.
I wanted to make it more clear where her words began and where they ended. Those were her exact words.
I was never told about any mini-blinds, and I find it odd that in the 5 years I've known DH, that topic has never come up before. Why now? We had a house before and I never heard a word about mini-blinds. And why talk about them when the house didn't even have windows yet. You don't see that her trying to put her BM's mini-blinds into my new house as possibly being overly interested in what is in my house?
SD thought she was tattling on me, implying that DH couldn't possibly be painting when the drywall wasn't even installed yet. Of course she wants to imply that I MUST have had bad intentions of keeping her from talking to her father. WRONG.
What I told her was true, he was not there with me, he was at the house, painting. So her attempt to stir up trouble backfired on her.
DH is her father, there is no
DH is her father, there is no changing that and no cutting her out of our lives. BUT, there needs to be boundaries and privacy where a married couple is concerned.
This goes beyond sharing decorating ideas. I didn't even get the chance to see my design be built yet and she already took that joyful anticipation away from me. Her building it first, when it was my idea took some audacity.
Thanks River. It was going
Thanks River. It was going to be my special retreat area, uniquely mine, and I feel like it's been trampled on.
Make up things you are going
Make up things you are going to do like paint the walls purple with big huge pink polka dots with hot pink patio furniture. }:) }:)
(No subject)
It is a compliment to you,
It is a compliment to you, unfortunately the SD would never admit this of course and I think that is the irritating factor. I too have similar sorts of things occur with my SD, she copies my interior design, just small things like furnishings, layout of furniture and nic nacs etc . I don't frequent her home often, maybe 2 times a year but when I do I see these things and have a little giggle
imitation is the best form of
imitation is the best form of flattery. She can't help but want to be like you. Take it that way, so that her dumb, unoriginal, uncreative a$$ doesn't irritate you. Put all that energy your wasting on letting her annoy you, right back into your creativity.
Thank you. I am glad some
Thank you. I am glad some people understand.
I'm with notasm3, make up
I'm with notasm3, make up some truly ugly design ideas and talk them up.
I know other SMs have done that with cars and other things they plan to buy, except that it's the skids who tell BM, who then goes out and gets it first.
Or someone else did it with vacations. BM would always scoop Dad and SM once the kids were told where they were going, so from then on the talk was all Disney and other expensive vacations.
That's a lot of effort, I
That's a lot of effort, I don't know if I have the energy.
I wish she would copy my ideas on how to attract a man and have friends her own age!
My problems would be over and she wouldn't be pining to be daddy's little princess again. She would have a full life, with someone her age that can make her feel special the way I know she longs to feel.
Yes SD has copied your idea,
Yes SD has copied your idea, but it will never look as good if you did do yours. As yours will look more natural due to where it is built.
I would also do what Sally suggested and start having fun with her coping.
Thank you for your
Thank you for your understanding.
So.... why keep sharing your
So.... why keep sharing your ideas with her? Pretty simple. Let her figure her own shit out.
Don't sweat her stealing your idea. Go forward with your plans .... after all.... it was your idea and she is the one that stole it from you.
I'm fine with people asking
I'm fine with people asking me where I bought something. This patio was still in my head, as a concept, not even built yet. Special and unique and I guess I feel a lot more strongly about it than if it were just a pair of shoes bought off the rack at some store.
I get asked all the time by
I get asked all the time by other ladies where I got my swimsuit from. It has very pretty, exotic colors and I feel flattered that they like it. They get disappointed when I tell them on a cruise to Antigua. People like my taste and I like getting asked. Also, a pair of dance shoes I have, lots of people want to know where I got them and I have no problem if they rushed out tomorrow and bought them. The look on their faces when I tell them the actual location thousands of miles away from here, lol.
It's a whole different feeling for this patio design because I didn't even have the enjoyment of seeing it materialize yet, and SD came with this TA-DA photo.