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SD23's Toxic Christmas Gift

caninelover's picture

So I have not given SD23 any gifts (Christmas or Birthday) for 2 years.  I have not expected or received any either.  I have formally disengaged a few months ago.

This year SD23 randomly opted to give me a Christmas gift.  It was a groupon sent by email to me and SO both for wine/beer tasting.  One would think it would be 2 tastings at the same place so we could go together.  Nope, she sent us each 1 tasting to two different places.  Its like - 'Merry Christmas, please split up'.  

Anyway I didn't acknowlege the gift but in the spirit of the holiday I did reply to her email and say thank you and happy holidays.  That was it.  SO seemed proud of her and doesn't get it - first of all I specically said no gifts between us (to SD23's face) and she sends one anyway, and this is the one she sends.  I don't view that as a nice gesture but more stupid drama-creating behavior.

I have no intention of using her toxic gift and nor will I send her anything in return.  Done with that.  I'm sure next SD23 will whine to SO about how mean I am and how hard she tries - she sent me a gift and I didn't get her anything, etc.  It never ends with these daughters.

JRI's picture

You did the rigjt thing to thank her but now you are done.  You might be giving her too much credit for forethought.  She probably thought, 2 wine things, done.

caninelover's picture

She isn't that bright when it comes to soicial etiquette so could be just clueless about it!

caninelover's picture

Unfortunately she made a point (as there would be no point in sending me a gift unless SO was aware) to send a separate email to both SO and I saying she sent us a Groupon and to keep an eye out for it. 

CajunMom's picture

A few years ago, SD36 sent "us" a gift. It was an INDIVIDUAL  Movie Pass card that gave you free admission to certain theaters. ONE card for TWO people. DH was embarrassed when he had to tell me. She told him, "You can use it one time and she can use it the next time." I busted out laughing. Not sure if he got mad at me or was more embarrassed. LMAO

caninelover's picture

At least I can give SD23 a pass as she's socially inept.  Of course SO will only praise her and not give her any guidance as to why it is awkward to give a couple two individual beer/wine tastings at 2 different locations. This is why she struggles with social relationships.

hereiam's picture

she sent us each 1 tasting to two different places

First of all, I would never, ever dream of doing this to my dad and his wife.

Second of all, my dad would have had my ass if I did.

Sorry, 23 is old enough to know better (and I think you know that). You are giving her a pass that she doesn't deserve and you should say something to her. How else will she learn? If she is socailly inept, as you claim, you will be doing her a favor and giving her that guidance.

And really, your SO is an idiot if he doesn't set her straight and he thinks this is okay.

caninelover's picture

The drama is what she wants, i.e. I say something to her then she whines to SO about how mean I am.  So better to ignore her.  That way she'll still whine to SO but it be that I didn't appreciate her gift enough or get her one.  Even though she has thrown away or re-gifted my prior gifts which is why I haven't gotten her diddly squat in 2 years, and specifically told her she is not getting any gifts from me, not do I want any from her).

Not my circus, not my monkey.  Whatever SO decides to say or not is his own business.  I'm not talking to Bratty McBratFace for sure.

Missingme's picture

Or how about the ingrates not getting their dad, much less their SM (I could honestly care less if they ever give me a gift.  In fact, I'd rather they not. RME), a gift of ANY value?  And then they going on about how things have been so hard financially, all the while holding their hands out for their Christmas money.  To see the dad clamoring to hand the dough out is pathetic.  I just cringe inside thinking what a sucker he is and how they know it!

caninelover's picture

Because she was mad at me for making her move her stuff out of the house.  And he still pays for her car insurance and cell phone because she doesn't have enough $.  He paid all of her private school college tuition so she didn't have to work or take out loans.  And she said horrible things to him about being a terrible father because he was 'letting me' kick her out (I own the house ha ha).  At age 23.  Ungrateful is an understatement.

Mountains's picture

We haven't got  any gift from SD (60) since four years ago she sent a $2.99 tin of cookies, receipt included inside.  This year, we got a box with spicy cocktail sauce and horseradish ... weird ... no call ... just the spicy sauce. *lol*

caninelover's picture

In 2018, for my birthday, I got a $5 gift certificate to REI that SD (then 20) had traded in some reward points for.  Her birthday gift was a weekend trip to San Francisco because she had wanted to go but couldn't find anyone to go with.  Probably because no one wants to travel with a cheap-skate jerkhole like SO and I got stuck doing.

TwirlMS's picture

a passive aggressive gift to me.  I don't know why they have to turn a wonderful holiday into an opportunity to remind us of their real nasty feelings.  Take a few pokes at the sleeping dogs.

Although my SD never gives me a birthday or Mother's Day gift, she does bring over something for Christmas because we always had a big party with all the kids and grandkids and I'm sure she didn't want to be that obviously rude in front of the group.  This year we cancelled the big Christmas party due to Covid and she came over uninvited to drop off a couple of small gifts, driving two hours round trip when we told her we didn't want any.  
 

It was always that type of passive aggressive gift though.   One year my Christmas gift was a return of the very first gift I gave her.  I was polite and thanked her for it, but I did mention it to DH a few days later, so as to not let her bad vibes ruin our mood at Christmas

caninelover's picture

But she would rather stir the pot than enjoy the holiday.  That's just who she is.

Disillusioned's picture

I would tell her you both went together to the two places, each had one tasting in each place, and you had the most romantic wonderful time and that it was the best thing you & your DH have done together in a long time LOL

Although, with this crazy virus, who can go anywhere to do a tasting anyway?

 

caninelover's picture

Which I don't do anymore.  I think it would reward her in a way because she is after any kind of attention.  And, she would then just complain to SO about how virtuous she is by getting me a gift at all when I didn't get her anything.

There is really no winning with her as she just spins everything to make her the victim.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Keep the snot on ignore.

I would send photos of you SHARING the one drink coupon LOL