SD went ballistic--

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Backgrond--SD, who is 34, became pregnant in early April by an unemployed man who already has 2 children. His last was born this past late January. Eight weeks later, he had her pregnant. She already has one son she cannot afford.We confronted her on her poor choice and she stopped speaking to us. She miscarried, thank God, but they claim they are continuing to try.
Yesterday, at the 11th hour, her car was going to be re-possessed tomorrow, IF she did not pay her last 2 months of the car loan her father had co-signed.
MY DH told her if this happens again, he will take the keys (he is the primary signer) and take the car back. She went ballistic and told our grandson we were taking the car and she prohibits him from ever having contact with us again.She told him we were taking their only means of food away! He has blocked me from Facebook. She told my husband she hopes I die from cancer like my other family members, went on about how he loves and supports my family (she is jealous as hell as my niece, the only living surivivor of an esthesioneuroblastoma, has now recovered, went to nursing school and is now expecting a baby in August!) The jealousy is palpable. She forgot to mention that she is always late on this car loan, is always having a crisis, and we are tired of bailing her out. We will no longer be her gravy train.

The lies she spewed are truly outrageous. It was frightening. The hate was astounding. I really am afraid of her. I've NEVER met anyone who was so out of control with rage.

I'm sorry you were subjected

I'm sorry you were subjected to her tirade. Her father has enabled and supported this 'me me me' streak in his daughter. Now that he's cutting her off (something he should have done many years ago), she's livid. The only 'weapon' she sees she has to use against her father's actions toward her is her son. His grandson.

Because DH is finally taking a stand she blames you. If you truly feel physically threatened by her you may want a restraining order.

Give the grandson some time. He's got his raging maniac mother huffing in hysterics right now.

ETA... "She told him we were taking their only means of food away!". I just read in your other post that Dad told her to start studying bus routes. Between public transportation and neighborhood church food pantries, she nor grandson will go hungry. My mother's church pantry (Mom organizes and runs it) has clients that ride bicycles with baskets, come walking pulling kiddie wagons ect. Your grandson will have food if your SD exerts herself. With buses she'll also be able to get to work/school.

She's panicking and furious right now. When she settles down and realizes she either has to sink or swim, she'll figure it out. Do not fall for 'but my kid will starve if I lose my car'.

I feel so badly for my

I feel so badly for my grandson. He is an innocdent victim in this. His mother never went after child support from his dad--and, he never met him. He loved one of her boyfriends who ended up dying of a narcotic overdose. Her next boyfriend was a skinhead--crazier than any of my psych patients. This little boy has suffered so much at her hands.This is what bothers me the most.She can rage on me all she wants, but hurting her own son is the straw that broke the camels back.

I feel poorly for grandson

I feel poorly for grandson and for you. You didn't do anything but be kind and try to help this girl the first time around. Now when you say no more you are treated badly and subjected to this tirade - it's a disgrace
I also feel poorly for your grandson- with no balance from you guys now he will be PAS by her but as well most likely neglected because of her erratic behaviour.
Don't hesitate to take out a restraining order if she becomes more erratic or threatens you. Consider taking your grandson off her.
In terms of future money and by that I mean your will- make sure you have an executor outside family such as lawyer. Then give what you want to people. Put any money for grandson into a trust only to be released under certain conditions. Make sure no way for her to get her hands on it

Anyone who uses their own

Anyone who uses their own children as a pawn against others is truly repulsive. No lack of bms on here who do that and now even this worthless sd. So sad for the child!!

I am so sorry you had to

I am so sorry you had to deal with her rant and nastiness but keep in mind.....she IS trash.

I found that one thing that helped me when dealing with Twit was to think in my mind, after she would go off on me, that it figures.....she was crazy and only doing what crazy does.

That said, it hurts when someone spews this kind of stuff at you. One would have to have the skin 5X thicker than a rhino not to be hurt once in a while. We ARE human.

While it is said that she is using the grandson as a pawn, keep in mind that she will soon be out of your lives....so she says.

Hang in there.

I can't wait to piss on

I can't wait to piss on SpermGrandHag's grave. I truly detest that toxic PITA. I will never tell my Skid that I would do it but if I ever get the chance I would not hesitate.

I can comprehend how freeing it must be to entirely write off a toxic componant in your life. How does your DH view the situation?

Thanks for that info. Not an

Thanks for that info. Not an ideal situation but it sounds as if you and DH have worked out how to keep it workable for you and your marriage.

This is what happens when

This is what happens when they are enabled for sooooo long. I hope your DH is strong enough to stick to his word about stopping the gravy train.

It really is too bad about the grandson but unfortunately, the innocent do sometimes pay for the sins of the adults. Hopefully, he will realize the truth but he lives with her and depends on her, and his loyalty is going to be with her. He does not want her rage to be directed towards him.

Your SD and her son are not going to starve, so I certainly hope you and your DH don't fall for that bull.

That's the truth!!!

This act of the farce was

This act of the farce was pretty predictable. Your adult SD has been spoilt and is accustomed to using manipulation to get what she wants. Now she's using anger and your gson as leverage. If you don't reopen your wallet, you'll never see him again. It's emotional terrorism, and it speaks volumes about her lack of character.

Depending on how narcissistic she is, your relationship with your grandson may actually be over. Narcs hate to be thwarted, and some will drop a relationship once it's no longer beneficial to them. The day I stood up to my adult SD was the last time DH and I saw or heard from our gskids. They live five miles away, and we went from hearing from them almost daily to nothing. Yes, it broke our hearts, but it also viscerally showed my DH exactly who and what his daughter is, and that firmed his resolve to not engage with her.

Don't be surprised at how low your twisted adult skid will go to hurt you. After all, if she had any genuine regard for you and your DH, she wouldn't have been using you. If she doesn't cut you off completely, she may start using your gson as bait or coaching him to ask for $$. You might want to discuss this with your therapist.

Stand firm. Don't make this about her poor choices, because they're really none of your business. This is about you and your DH preparing for retirement, getting your financial affairs in order, and getting healthier emotionally.

Ugh. Sorry. My boyfriend's

Ugh. Sorry. My boyfriend's daughter is the same way. She pushed out a kid and is now even more entitled and expects to be rewarded from the government and family. If you don't give her what she wants, you don't see the grandkid. I really hope these "women" don't reproduce again.

Thank you everyone for the

Thank you everyone for the support! You guys are the best! Well, SD has now gone on FB to congratulate her mother and stepfather saying: they are the only family I have who care. Several folks called me to tell me. My response: none. Let BM have her, her child and the serial impregnator move in to HER house and support them! SD also texted my husband saying she hopes I die from cancer like the rest of my family and various other horrible comments. I maintain my happy self. Leaving for the Cape tonight!

I've gotten to the point

I've gotten to the point where I don't want people telling me that kind of stuff. "That's nice." or "Okay." is a sufficient response. These people do not deserve a place in your head or in your life. Immediately change the subject and let it go.

Exactly, why do you need to

Exactly, why do you need to hear the second hand drama all over again. DH used to tell me all the nasty stuff ss30 said about me. In the beginning of our marriage DH wanted ME to mend the relationship w/ss. Mend? I didn't do anything to cause a riff besides marry DH. I finally told him that I didn't want to hear any of it and to keep their conversations to himself. SIL would come over and repeat all her and ss's conversations too, like anything he said actually meant anything. I used to sit and listen politely but now just leave the room if she mentions ss at all.