You are here

Sammigirl, Where Are You?

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I haven't seen you around the site for a while. Please check in with us and let us know that you're all right.

lorlors's picture

Also where has blueskies4me gone?? I need a stepdemon update Smile

fairyo's picture

Thanks for this- I was wondering too. Seems a lot of the old names have disappeared- and is it just me or is the site much less witty and entertaining now? 

I also read posts that seem to blame steps for not making enough effort, and seem much less supportive and understanding? Not everyone-but a noticeable few.

2Tired4Drama's picture

It is less entertaining and there are more posters who seem easily offended and claim they are being "bullied" if you give candid advice.  

Plus, there are the always-obvious step-haters in disguise, who's only goal is to stir up controversy.  I've also noticed people who recently join, have implausable sounding lives or very strange stories, use vocabulary that doesn't fit with their alleged demographic, and within a week they are suddenly the "top" poster on the site.  Maybe that's their goal and is some sort of ridiculous feather in their cap. 

Anyway, I try to look for the old-timers and names I recognize. 

sandye21's picture

Then there will be plenty of new posts.  This is the time of year where memories of past holidays touch us in odd ways.  SD had a meltdown 8 years ago and I haven't seen her since.  Like many SM's, I originally hoped we could eventually have a good relationship.  Every Christmas I am reminded of SD's unjustified meltdown and the subsequent alienation / punishment because I no longer accepted the role of doormat.  It's a time of mixed feelings, of silent reflections, of the 'What ifs', and finally a sense of relief that I don't have to endure another Christmas where I am walking on eggshells and kissing butt.

This site has made me recognize that in most cases it is NOT the Skids as much as our DH, not knowing how to be a Father or a husband, not prioritizing his marriage or allowing the skids to take responsibility for their actions. 

I agree that lately this site seems to be in somewhat of a funk, and have also noticed some posters just don't seem to be quite real, but I sincerely hope you will continue to visit this site, as I am, so that when a person who is going through what I did 8 years ago will be validated and encouraged to set boundaries. 

StepUltimate's picture

Bless you Sandye21.

sammigirl's picture

I am here.  I have been dealing with my dad's estate.   I have read here, but have been on short visits.  I will always be here.  I need to stay here, for all the reasons stated here by sandye21.   I relate to all of you here and you keep my feet on the ground.

I will try to comment more.  The holidays are always difficult for me.  DH is better about my disengagement from SD57, but it tends to rear it's ugly head during the holidays.  Of course it is getting a bit easier.

Be back soon, before Christmas..   

sandye21's picture

So glad to hear you are OK and happy to see you back.  (((HUGS)))

StepUltimate's picture

So grateful for you Sammiegirl. Have a wonderful holiday. 

fairyo's picture

Hi Sammi- I'll wish you a happy and peaceful Christms now (((hugs))) too. I'm sure there are a lot of other 'readers' here as well, but I'm glad you checked in to let us know!

Sandye is right- this is a very sensitive and emotional time of year- I'm really feeling it now. It is the first Christmas for nine years without TheX and my head gets full of memories, including how horrible it was last year when I was trying to keep things going between us. 

Also my first husband is due to have a serious operation on Thursday and I'm worried about this for my own kids, and that too brings back memories of Christmas when they were small and we were a happy(ish) family.

Being back up here near my siblings also brings back memories of when I was little, and our own family Christmas' so yes, it is an emotionally fragile time and I admit to being very tearful most of the time.

Would I go back though? No, not for a minute because next year will be full of good and exciting things for me, and I really hope that is true for all of us.

sandye21's picture

"-- next year will be full of good and exciting things for me, and I really hope that is true for all of us."  Thank you SO much Fairyo for pointing this out.  I think many of us SMs had a history of childhood abuse which primed us for further abuse in our adult lives.  We are overly sensitive, people pleasing and standing on our heads for positive recognition.  Instead of ruminating about the disappointments of past Christmases, for this one I am going to concentrate on the good things in my life and be thankful for my good health.  Rather than morn the 'what ifs', I am going to be thankful I don't have to put up with SD's toxic behavior and realize I her absence in my life for the last 8 years has actually been a gift.  The greatest gift I am giving myself this holiday is to quit worrying about DH's lack of motivation to visit his daughter and let him own it. 

sammigirl's picture