Is this normal after adult steps or bios move out?
Forums:
Many of you know my SD (27) finally moved out a week ago, after causing much conflict and strife. She talked to DH today and wants to come by on the weekend to return a toaster (it belongs to her) and to store some things she doesn't have space for in our basement. Her BM has space in her home as does her fiance, so why does she have to use our home for a storage unit?
DH was more than happy to accommodate of course, and assured her it would be no problem. Can I expect SD to make up excuses to come over for weekly visits going forward? Since I've never dealt with this type of issue, I have no clue about what to expect.
Yep, she's still keeping that
Yep, she's still keeping that "daddy connection" going because like you said, she could easily just ask her fiance. This is because has been so dependant upon daddy for everything she doesn't know how to figure anything out for herself, or how to rely on others. This is one thing that pisses me off about my own adults SD's. They are used to mommy doing everything for them, I'm suprised any of them can wipe their own ass without my wife's help. They call her for EVERYTHING under the sun, even the most simple stuff you would think they could figure out on their own. They will call her for stupid stuff like they are making brownies and are too stupid to read the directions on the box so they will call her. Or when one of their boyfriends is sick they will call her.
Unfortunately this may be something that will continue for quite a while, because your DH will allow it. Hopefully it does taper off after awhile but if she's like any of my SD's, it will keep happening until you put your foot down.
I would say no, she has a
I would say no, she has a house now with her Fiance' she can keep it all there. My sister does this with my mom and her house is three times the size and even has a panic room built into it. Yet she has to keep her wedding dress and some boxes at my mom's. Makes no sense to me. When I moved out my mom dropped off boxes of stuff, but this is the baby and she was caught up in my parent's divorce so she gets away with this type of crap.
Say no and tell her that she has her own house to take it to. As for the toaster, if it stays donate it to Goodwill. Tell your DH it is time for her to grow up and stop coming to him for everything.
Thanks everyone. First let
Thanks everyone. First let me say that I forgot something. DH has called her a few times since she's been out. He left a voicemail reminding her that she has a dad. I had to bite my lip. WTF - she's not even gone a week and he's acting like this? I told him to calm down, and she'd call back. So he's only encouraging her behavior. WFT is she 16 or damn near 30? I'm sure after she gets married, her fiance will not apppreciate daddy calling every other night.
DH has already told her she could bring the stuff. And yes I do feel so refreshed and at peace now that she is gone. Frustratedstepdad, you are so right, she has depended for DH for so much that I've had to ream him about making her fiance step up.
And yes it could be worse. She could still live here. Fortunately she said she would call before coming, so she knows better than to just pop in. The longer she's gone, the more I'm enjoying it. You just never realize how important your privacy is until you don't have it. I'm just glad to find out her behavior is indeed normal.
You need to take up a hobby
You need to take up a hobby that you need space for the stuff for-scrapbooking is wonderful for that and fun to boot! It can get expensive though-so price compare and find deals on everything will help you save a lot of money. Dh might have already told her she can bring the stuff, but YOU can still throw a tantrum and let him know he should have consulted you. She should have either found a place with enough room for her crap, decluttered, found a storage unit or asked her fiance.
That's the kicker. She
That's the kicker. She rented a large space so she'd have space for storage, etc., but now you want to bring stuff back to daddy's house? You're right, I'm going to get on him about at least consulting w/me first. We have a large basement so he's more than thrilled to have her stuff here, but it's the principle of the matter.
Good grief. It's sickening
Good grief. It's sickening isn't it? When SD lived here, she gave DH a play by play of what she and her fiance had planned, where they were going, how it went, etc. I know her relationship w/DH is going to be an issue down the road. It's just a matter of time. It's not normal nor is it healthy. He doesn't want to let her go and she's just as bad.
Why do people have such a hard time letting go of adult children? It baffles me. This behavior only serves to make them weak and unable to cope with even the smallest setbacks or challenges.
This is it in a nutshell.
This is it in a nutshell. But how pathetic is that? Why would you want your adult children to depend on you? A parent's job is to teach their children to become strong, capable, self-reliant adults who can take care of themselves. It's beyond sad.
YES MAAM!! Amen to that-DH
YES MAAM!! Amen to that-DH can't seem to let go, either!!!! I hope you are at least enjoying some freedom-you deserve it! If at all possible, can you tell DH there is no room?
It's a done deal at this
It's a done deal at this point. He'd burst a blood vessel if I'd said that . . . considering we have more than enough room. She came, stored her stuff, chatted with us for a few hours and went on about her way. I don't care if she stores her stuff here as long as she doesn't move back in. It's been so nice adjusting to my new found privacy.
Ya, It looks like she is
Ya, It looks like she is still trying to keep that 'connection' to Daddy! DH is not allowing her to grow up and it is just plain unhealthy. I'm trying to come up with something that would create a positive approach. DH needs to know that by cutting the cord he is paving the way for her to get on with her life.
It's more DH than SD. He
It's more DH than SD. He acted like she'd been gone 2 years and hadn't thought enough of him to call him.
I told him she could have been out, sleep, etc., and that he was acting silly. And now she's coming by this weekend. Surely her fiance has to see it's not healthy as well. I feel like I'm the only one who sees that this isn't normal.
But there is hope! My DH was
But there is hope! My DH was exactly like yours -- would leap out of his own skin to accommodate his grown son. Was CRUSHED when SS moved out (uhm, DH, it is rehab, ok?). He still does this some, but not like it was. It was good I was sitting down this weekend when he told his son, "Sure, you can come pick up your stuff but Wine and I have already left for the day and you won't see us."
We were in the DRIVEWAY when he told SS we'd already left. Not long ago, we'd have stayed to see how DH could futher wait on SS. Tank of gas? Sure, no problem. A meal, take the leftovers with you? Of course. Need clothes? Ok let's go shopping. This time, NADA, and DH was irritated that SS just expected us to be there. Well, duh, DH, you always HAVE just been there when beckoned, haven't you?