Married to a people pleaser
While this is not directly related to our step children, I think many of our spouses here share similar characteristics.....people pleasers being high on the list. And workaholics.
So Xmas eve was when dh came home from a business trip....I got nice wine, made a roaring fire. Within an hour of being home, he gets a call from his brother and dh brought them an expensive vacation gift, and would dh please put the email together so brother can give to his wife first thing Xmas morn? So dh leaves me to my book and fire, and proceeds to sit at the computer for the next hour or so......I make dinner alone, kind of seething, and at dinner we are both quiet, with the kids carrying conversation. He falls asleep watching movie.....what else is new?
Xmas morn he is again at computer for an hour or so.......I get so frustrated!!! But then we had nice day.
This morning, Dh unfortunately asks me why I was annoyed with him ? We then had a rip roaring argument. He thinks a half hour walk, church on Sunday and a couple movies that he falls asleep to make an engaging weekend with your spouse! Ha!
Honestly, it saddens me that we fought this morning, but again, he runs through hoops for everyone, there is very little energy left for us. He refuses to see it and calls me selfish. The days of dating are long gone and I barely get a hello when he walks in the door. Honestly the dogs get more attention. He burns a hole in his computer chair......
Anyone else can relate?
Thanks for the great
Thanks for the great thoughts. I agree totally that our dh's find it easier to make us compromise than others, like dh's brother. He also has a tendency to idolize others if they do one nice thing for them. Dh is on such a kick with his brother now. I might not be spending New Year's Eve with dh. We have in a skiing condo that we don't use much anymore. As New Year's Eve falls in mid week we were just going to be home, or so I assumed. Dh's brother and his wife literally invited themselves to the condo for New Year's Eve , which is ok, we told family to come anytime. But it is New Year's Eve and dh expects me to drive hrs there after work just bec his brother has decided to go there and ski. He can't say no, and feels obligated to be there to play host whether or not that is ok with me. I heard his brother call and ask if the plan was ok and dh said yes......saying he will work it out. With who, me??? Maybe this has me pissy, but again he will be asleep by 9 pm so what difference does it make if he is entertaining his brother hours away someplace. I feel like the shoe makers kid.....you know the story!
You and I are married to the
You and I are married to the wonder twins! My DH has a very long commute and when he gets home he has about 2 hours before bedtime. I tell him all he does is shit, snore and watch sports. I'm constantly telling him to quit checking emails and tweets on his phone when he is with the family, it's rude. He can keep checking when he's on the toilet lol.
I'm trying to teach DH the importance of the family that is under his roof. He is coming around some, but I have learned to speak up and ask for more from him.
~ Moon
My husband would have done
My husband would have done the same thing but he is always and forever on the computer and it really annoys me as I do way more than my share of the work around here while he has all his games to play on the computer.
If I were in that situation though I could see myself doing the same as your husband. If someone asked me to do them a favor I would oblige the favor. The difference between me and your husband, or me and my husband, is that I would have expressed what I was needing to get done and I would have probably waited til after dinner when I had the free time. I think my husband is used to me being the one to cook so he doesn't hesitate to sit on the computer and not help.
Voicing my frustration in the past has turned into fights or offended feelings so I just do not say anything anymore. It doesn't bother me any less but it is not worth a fight or days of avoiding one another and not speaking.