Just a couple things I need to get off my chest about bad SD!
1. It was a nice visit home this weekend (DH and I moved over a year ago, 3 hours away). I did not have to see or hear from Bad SD the entire time we were there. That's the good part, the bad part, why did I let it bug me?! I should be happy I am not seeing her right?!
2. DH and I were talking, why wont bad SD get a JOB?! she is 19 and has NEVER worked! She had been told to start working at age 16 but yeah, never followed through with getting her applications out. Now she and boyfriend both don't work which only makes me realize that even though she is pregnant she is most likely still dealing drugs with him. They also are ALWAYS mooching off of people! (Part of the reason she stopped talking to us was we were not going to give her handouts of cash anymore)! I just don't get why she thinks its ok to mooch off people, to sell drugs, to not work at an actual job and why she feels ENTITLED all the time?! Before we stopped talking to her, she was thinking we should buy her a car, after all there is a baby on the way, we should give her money because according to her boyfriend money buys love! This is all totally messed up to me. We sure didn't raise her this way...but boyfriend says its our fault because we spoiled her (no different than anyone who is loved by their parents)he says that we spoiled her and then expected her to make it on her own and a real parent cant just do that to someone. What the hell ever!!!!!!!! She is an ADULT and its not OUR fault she refuses to work! She has been warned to get a job since she turned 16! Ugh Thanks had to complain!
3. one more complaint!
My sister in law doesn't understand why Bio Dad and I cut off Druggie, life
ruining SD and no longer in contact with SD. She thinks my hubby (her brother)
failed our SD. She did not walk our path or see any of the bull crap we went
through in 4 years. All she can say is she had a bad teen and never left her
side. Well her so called bad teen, all she did was rebel a little tiny bit and
had a baby at the age of 19. Wow that is so bad (insert sarcasm). She didn't
deal with a lying, cheating, stealing money out of my purse and her dads wallet,
runaway, drug dealing (is going through courts now for dealing) and the list
goes on. I would trade daughters with her anyday! She says she thinks he failed
her growing up. She barely visited to even know what went on in our house. We
had a very nice home, she had the biggest bedroom of them all, a walk in closet
with tons of clothes, never went with out and was spoiled. She says my husband
sent too much time working and basically bashed his awesome work ethic, same job
for 20 years and is management, 20 years in the service also! He spent tons of
time with her and the other kids equally when he was off from work weekly! How
much more of an awesome role model does he need to be? Ugh I could go on and
on! Don't judge a persons life unless you have walked a mile in their shoes!
Exactly if SIL thinks the SD
Exactly if SIL thinks the SD deserves devotion step up and provide it. Otherwise, shut it.
Yes, I dropped all contact
Yes, I dropped all contact with her mutually a few weeks ago. I have no intentions on speaking with her (bad SD). Or her miserable boyfriend. They use the unborn baby as a pawn already, DH has figured this out too and he too has let her go. I just don't understand why she would turn out this way! I went from loving her to hating her and honestly, her boyfriend and her both scare the crap out of me. Boyfriend has a 10 page wrap sheet of illegal activity and she is starting to follow him and creating her own wrap sheet. I check my doors every night worried and trying to protect my little girls. I want nothing to do with her and I wont have anything to do with her. If DH changes his mind later and wants to see her he is going to have to do it on his own time somewhere else. She is not welcome in my home. She has caused enough damage to me and some damage to my 2 bio daughters (her half siblings). She has caused so much that I can not forgive at this point and honestly I don't think I will ever forgive.
As far as my SIL I have nothing to say to her other then to get bent.
WOW...so glad I found this
WOW...so glad I found this site. I am in a new relationship with a man with four daugthers, one that still lives at home with him. Yesterday she went to school dressing like a nerd on purpose (big glasses without lenses, tube socks, a men's neck tie, and a skirt). - she looked like a circus clown and it was not Halloween or any other special dress up day at school) - this is an improvement over the too-tight, too short, too small clothes she normally wears on her overweight body - she said she did it because she's "weird and different". When she returned from school her father asked for her phone because he had warned her if her room was not clean she would lose phone privileges for 24 hours. She quickly and begrudgingly picked up and half-cleaned her room then came to speak to him. It seems when she's in trouble with him, she starts whining about me. How I disapproved of her weird outfit for school and then she started attacking everything about me and saying I never made her feel welcome, although I have given her clothes, talked to her about boys, allowed her to borrow my clothing, got her a smart phone on my account. She has repeatedly stolen clothing, jewelry, make-up, money, etc. from me and lies to me about EVERYTHING! After the situation yesterday, she took all the clothes I had given her and threw them on my bed. Since her room is typically DEPLORABLE, I put the clothing in the laundry room. Before bed I went in the laundry room and found that she had stuffed all the clothes, some of which were fine washables into the washer, along with a heavy robe and several large towels - this after we have warned her the washer would break if overloaded.....so this was yet another PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE DESTRUCTIVE act on her part. Her sister, who is no longer at home but still in the area is not much better. She came to stay overnight recently, told me she was going to lay down - so I went in my bedroom and closed the door - she told her father (who was at work) that I did not make her feel welcome and had ignored her! I really care for their dad, but I don't know if this is going to work long term. I refuse to accept disrespectful, rude, lazy, unhealthy, ungrateful, destructive stepchildren - I won't involve my heart EVER again with someone with kids like these - and I haven't met two of them. (Also the teenager's mother has nothing at all to do with her - so part of me feels for her - and the other part of me can't stand her! HELP ME!
I can totally relate to how
I can totally relate to how you feel. While I do feel sorry for my SD it doesn't change the fact that she is a manipulative brat who takes no responsibility for herself.
Some of the behavior you are describing is typical teenage crap. Both of my kids and my SD play the I'm so mistreated and misunderstood game when they screw up and have to face the consequences. The best thing to do is keep your cool and choose your battles. If you don't like her clothes there is no reason for you to tell her. If she asks answer dismissively "If that's what you like" She is doing this for the attention. Maybe to goad you into making a negative comment or maybe to just get people to notice her.
If she fails to follow the rules let her dad discipline her. If she does something that is intentionally destructive let her dad handle it. When my kids would play this game I would make them stop what they were doing and fix the problem. My son once had to get up at 6 AM on a Saturday morning, while his friends watched, to clean the mess they had made in the kitchen.
Other parts are uniquely step child. The she doesn't make me feel welcome part is a manipulative way to try to come between you. I would suggest you tell dad how you feel about the way his daughters are treating you. It's not your responsibility to take care of or entertain them. If SD want's to visit then she should do it when dad is home.
Run now...4 SD's means a life
Run now...4 SD's means a life time of misery...I had one and it started out great. Ultimately she sued us to live with BM because we had rules. Cost us over 10K and now she is no longer welcome in our home. Partying and failing and a mess. Seriously, girls are the worst.
Everything you are saying, I went through. It has taken my husband and I several years to get over the damage she and BM caused....Happy now, but honestly, I would leave had I had half a clue that this would happen...You have a lot of red flags, you may want to look at all of them....
These girls are going to make your life hell....
Laura, How is your DH
Laura, How is your DH handling this? Is he taking SD's side against you or accusing you of making them uncomfortable? DH needs to take an active part in dealing with SD's hostile behavior. And I agree with the other posters, disengage and let him handle it, but insist you have respect in your own home.
I went through this same crap for over 20 years before I asked DH for specifics as to when he witnessed me doing this. He could not come up with one incident. Meanwhile I put up with the abuse because I wanted SD to like me - it only got worse as time went by. In retrospect, should have put a stop to it immediately - even at the risk of the marriage. This is abuse, pure and simple.
I cannot for the life of me
I cannot for the life of me understand why inlaws think they have a right to tell someone else you failed as a parent. Judgemental assholes!! I have never interfered with my Sister in the raising of her children and never would. If I did disagree with something, so what, they are not my children. I have told my niece & nephew before when they came to me to complain about one of her rules, that's your Momma, you don't like it, move out of her house and in your own where you pay the bills and you can make your own rules.
If SIL is so worried about your SD, why doesn't she take her in? Or as the boyfriend said, buy some of her love. Why because she doesn't really want to be bothered with it, but it's easy to set in judgement on your DH & you.
I would keep contact with the SIL to a minimum as well, when I started cutting off the inlaws, each day just got better & better for me & DH. They can't stir up the drama if I keep them at arms length and out of my business.