You are here

I Know, I Know, I Shouldn't Worry About It, But......

Not-the-mom's picture

Well, if you have been following the drama, we have received back the house keys we asked my DH's son to send back. We really doubt he has copied them. Now that our concerns are out on these boards, we hope this will deter him or his fiance from trying to pull anything. We are pretty certain they are still reading our posts here. They will know (because of their snooping) that we are watching them. I have told my sister of our concerns. Her son is retired military (special forces) so he knows how to track people down, if they try and pull something. Blum 3 Wink

Anyway, the real reason for this post is to ask you for a reality check. We appreciate your input.

If you heard your DH's son and his fiance say the following things, wouldn't it worry you?

Some things said by fiance:

-"It took me three years to work on him to ask me to marry him."

(Fiance is well educated, attractive, and smart, so why would she have to "work" on anyone to get them to marry her? We wonder if she sees my DH's son as a source of money. He is in a career where he can, and probably will, make a lot of money. The fiance asked me if I felt she was using my SS, and I told her yes, and why I felt this way - which was based on the above statement. She did not deny she said it, nor did she say she was "only kidding, that it was a joke". She had no answer...just silence.)

-"I don't like working with adults, I want to work with children."

(To us, this - and many other things she has said and done - shows how she likes to be in control. She can't control adults, but she can exert more control over kids.)

-"I am the one who found you on StepTalk, and you need to see how wrong you are to post things there, and stop." (paraphrased)

(She admitted in a matter-of-fact way that she was 'stalking me' and then proceeded to correct me on my bad behavior for venting here.)

-"I can't believe she (the EX) would do such a thing - I don't believe it."

(The fiance seems very protective of my DH's EX).

Some things DH's son has told us:

-"She (fiance) really likes to shop."

-"She likes to collect COACH purses."

(If you don't know, these purses are VERY expensive.)

-"It isn't going to happen."

(This was SS's answer to my DH's request that his fiance start treating us with more respect.)

These are just SOME of the things we have seen and heard done and said over the years. To us, it shows a pattern of immaturity, and materialistic behavior. There are many other examples we have, but we don't want to make this post too long. But, to us all of it seems to point to two very immature, materistic people, headed towards trouble in their future marriage.

Are we reading too much into these statements? We don't think we are. To us, they are warning signs.

Jsmom's picture

I see nothing wrong with collecting Coach purses. I love all of mine Blum 3 Now I do limit myself to one a year and have started looking for vintage ones as well.

But, honestly, let all of this go. Stay away from them. They have showed you who they are. Trust that this is who they are and you do not need toxic people in your life.

You should move on and keep them very far away from your marriage with DH. He is what is important. I hope you are not contributing a dime to their wedding. They are ungrateful and brats and don't deserve it. As for materialism, that is fine as long as they pay for it. You don't have to, so don't...

Not-the-mom's picture

Thanks for the input, we greatly appreciate another perspective.

I realize that there are people out there who collect Coach purses, but I assume you are not a young, just-out-of-college, just beginning to make your way in the world young person.

You are right, we just need to stay away from them. It takes time to disengage. There are days you are strong, and determined, and then doubts come in. You begin to wonder if you should try and make amends. It is a vicious cycle.

We do still feel that the things said and done are warning signs, but it is up to them now. If they wish to be materialistic, and shallow, that is their right. Long-term studies have shown that materialistic married couples marriages are MUCH MORE likely to break up - even if both of them are co-materialistic. It is their life. Now, we need to get on with our own, without them. Smile

Thanks for the input.

shielded2009's picture

Watch it with the Coach purses!!! Blum 3 There's a KILLER outlet out here where I am, and I've amassed quite a collection myself...lol...

Anyway...Per your title, yes...You shouldn't worry about it...It all seems so very immature on some levels it's like the game we used to play as children..."Gotcha...Gotcha back!" It seems that both parties are trying to prove the other wrong, or whatever...

The party willing to step away from it all, is the party that will experience the most peace, IMO...

Jsmom's picture

With the outlets and the email discounts, I have never paid full price for any coach bag. But, I love them regardless...

Not-the-mom's picture

This is me "stepping away"!...........
Thanks for the advice, input and support!

Now, I need some chocolate. Smile

skylarksms's picture

BTW, fiance and SS are still PIECES OF SHIT and a WASTE OF SPACE and ENERGY...to be stalking you to this site, "Where Stepparents Come to Vent" }:)

Have a nice day. Smile

Not-the-mom's picture

To us, some of the things I shared that they said, leads us to see that their "stalking" me here shouldn't have been that big a surprise. There were, and are, warning signs as to their immature character. Blum 3

Many of you may think that what they said is no big deal, but if you were there, heard how they said it in person - you might have a different opinion. Also, I didn't share all the other things they have said and done. It all adds up, to a pattern of behavior. Each thing alone isn't that bad, but when you add them all up, it creates a picture of who they are.

We just hope they will outgrow it. Someday, we hope. Currently, we have more belief that Hell will freeze over first, before they get a clue! Biggrin

emotionaly beat up's picture

I have read a few of your posts on this site, and you don't strike me as the kind of person who is totally out of their tree. So if you have concerns about this impending marriage, then they are more than likely justified.

However, you as parents have done your job, you have told ss how you feel, if not verbally then he has certainly read about them on this site. That is all any of us can ever do once our children get to a certain age we have no control. We tell them the fire is hot, if they walk down that path and touch it, then we can only be there with the cold water to soothe the wound.

For your own sanity please except you have done all you can and just let this go. She is your ss worry, and if she does as you think she will - take him to the cleaners, well, maybe that is the only way he will learn.

I think your biggest worry is the keys, let's face it, if they have the hide to stoop to stalking you on this site, then expect you to get off it because they don't like it, then whats makes you think they would be above cutting an extra set of keys.

Boudicca's picture

I know you doubt that the keys have been copied but I would get your locks re-keyed anyway - just to be on the safe side.

notthedevil's picture

I just want to add that no one can push your buttons unless you allow it. Laugh at them next time. Take their power away. You are in control of yourself, no one else! They know they are successful when you keep going through the drama with them. They get satisfaction from that. I'd ignore them. Concentrate on more meaningful things, your good relatives, your good friends.

Oh, and I like Fossil purses. Coach just doesn't quite fit me. Smile

Not-the-mom's picture

You all have good input.

"Honey, obviously these are toxic people in your life and you don't need them."

You are SO right!

I don't know if you posted three times on purpose Elisabeth7, but they should have gotten the point from reading your postings three times! Wink If they didn't, that is THEIR problem!