Husband feels sorry for addicted SD
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She has been in rehab one year. We paid for a car, in full. He had texted her that I agreed to this and also mentioned I had pegged her BF who was an addict and had 2 other children he had nothing to do with. BF starved her child, sold his toys and was a mooch. DH then was up all night, whining that she probably still loved the BF and that he shouldn't have sent the text. I was in awe. I asked: what about my feelings? No response. He is worried she is still in love with a man who did heroin and abused her and her child? OMG. I am heartbroken. He doesn't seem to care one bit about me.
Clarification
Did you actually agree to what he wrote in the text? Or was it that your DH threw you under the bus and lied? Would you please give a little bit more information?
Toxic people are a write off.
Toxic people are a write off. Regardless of who they are. Family no more or less so than any other toxic POS. You pegged SD's BF as an addict and an abuser and DH stated that fact to SD.
Why would he feel bad about that? Facts are neither good nor bad. They are merely facts.
DH needs to prepare to flush his addict daughter down the crapper along with her BF if she does not stay the course on her rehab. His and your focus should be on saving the GSkid from his shallow and polluted gene pool. No kid deserves that.
DW and I are currently going
DW and I are currently going through a similar situation with SD26, we have temporary, soon to be permenant, custody of the Gskids. DW has had to put up walls as she calls it over the years to protect her heart from SD26 but she still caves to her from time to time, we had a huge blow up not long ago over this.
I'm not sure why your DH didn't respond, maybe he doesn't care, maybe he didn't know how to answer, only more discussion can answer this.
I can say that since it is his Bio daughter he will always care deeper for her and the fact that now she is a "victim" of drug abuse he feels all the more deeper for her. Untill he realizes that his diamond encrusted snowflake is an addict and CHOSE to be that he will choose her side. He needs a tough dose of reality, so sorry you are going through this, addiction sucks for everyone involved with the addict.
Your DH needs to learn all he
Your DH needs to learn all he can about addiction. Did the rehab program have counseling or other resources for families? Did your DH attend? He needs to learn to make his daughter responsible for her own life. It's HARD. He might try Al-Anon or a counselor specializing in addiction, or if you have other friends/family in recovery, talk with them.
SS is a recovering addict, about 3 years clean now I think. It was HORRIBLE for DH, who is the very definition of enabler. He still has to work hard at keeping his distance from SS because his inclination is to "protect" SS from everything. I don't know why DH can't see his son as a grown up adult, but he can't. He's still a fragile little boy who needs his daddy's help. We talked about that just last night in fact.
Anyway, your DH needs help to understand what he should/shouldn't do for a recovering addict. He needs to be clear about what is support and what is enabling. Mostly, the addict needs to become completely responsible for herself and completely self-sufficient.
^^^This^^^
Addiction affects the entire family. It would be a shame for your H's daughter to devote a year.to rehab, only.to have her father endanger her recovery. As Merry says, your H needs help, too.
This is a tough situation and
X
Thank you, all!
Especually MorganJones---I highly admire you. SD is in a 3/4 house meaning she can now work and have a car. She is in no hurry to get her son back. He is being cared for by an eldelry couple--who now want their life back. Her nother (the ex) hates me without reason and has forbidden me to have any contact with the grandchild. SD agrees. This has harmed him. DH is blind to any addictive behavior. Her manipulations are outrageous and he falls for them every time. I'm so tired of this.