Huge slap in my face by SD
My husband and I had our first counseling meeting today with our evangelist today, his wife and our best friend who's been with us through it all to talk about hurts from the past. We started it out with a prayer and my husband began to share his feelings while I sat quietly listening. According to him, my SD told him that I have hurt her so bad in the past that at some point in time, while my husband was overseas, she claims that I pushed her on the bathtub floor, pinned her to the ground and hit her (or something to that extent). Then he went on to say that his daughter and mom (my mother in law lives with us now) got together and said that this is how I am: I am great at entertaining, receiving people in my house and such, however, I invite people to live with me and then I reject them and tell them I no longer want them living there. I couldn't believe my ears.
Yes, my SD's and I relationship was rocky, but boy, pushing her into the bathtub and pinning her down while my husband was out of the country??? Geez, I couldn't have done that even if I wanted to! I used to tickle her when she was a younger child, and as she grew that girl was so strong that when I tickled her she would use her arms and legs to either push me away or to try to tickle me back and boy, was she strong! Yes, I'm temperamental, but seriously, pushing her to the ground and pinning her in the bathtub floor? I'm still in disbelief on what I heard. Then my husband follows his comment by saying that now he's in a though situation because he wants to believe on what his daughter is saying (meaning I'm just the worst and physically abusive to his daughter) or he would have to believe in me, which would mean his precious daughter was lying. Now talk about being in a tough situation.
Then, the comment his daughter and mother made about me inviting them to come and live with me then I rejected them. First, I never invited my SD to come and live with us. We couldn't do that! By the divorce decree and court orders, my husband and I could never influence his daughter to do anything. She decided to live with us when we learned on Halloween day (Oct 31st of 2010) that she was cutting herself because her mom was using her to hurt us (we had just had a baby that summer and our family couldn't be happier). Then we called her sister who lives in CA to let my husband's daughter talk with her sister. The sister then went on to tell SD that their mom was dangerous. When sister was pregnant at 17 y.o., mom tried to deem her an unfit parent so mom could take the child away from her so she could collect child support from the child's dad. Sister also went on to tell that mom locked her on a mental hospital for 5 days without visitation when sister grabbed a butter knife to tell her mom to stay away from her, and sister begged her to let my husband and I take care of her. That's how SD decided to live with us and the custody battle began right after. I didnt' wanted any of it to happen, we just needed my husband's ex-wife to be gone for good.
Then with my mother in law is another story. She never planned for retirement, never saved any money, never asked her husband at that time to plan for life insurance and he died and left her clean, empty, no money, nada, nothing. Her only solution was to live with us because she only gets $1800 of SS per month and has no money and she spends like there's no tomorrow. Her other adult kids could not have her living with them because of finances and space, so my husband and I got the short end of the stick. I never wanted her to live with me; but I didn't have a choice. I wanted to set boundaries from the beginning so there would be no surprises, but my husband prohibited me to do so. He wanted his mom to feel loved, wanted, accepted, and I have to pay the price.
Lies, lies, lies. And the worst is because I can't have any reactions about it. I can't stand looking at his mom. His mom, whatever happens between us she goes straight to him to tell him and keeps on putting him in the middle of us. I asked her to leave him alone because he doesn't want to be put in the middle of two women he loves; his mom and his wife. But she's constantly in the middle.
Now my husband wants me, after my SD told me she hates me more than anything in this world, and she doesn't want anything to do with me, that I contact her and surprise her asking her to spend time with our son. I couldn't believe and neither could the counselors believe at my husband's request.