A warning to all who think it will get better.
At what age should an adult stepchild leave home? 18? 21? 25? How about 63? Yep, that's right. 63 years old and still at home. never left, never married, never given her parents a day off, alone.
And now, after 53 years of marriage, she has finally destroyed her mother and step fathers relationship.
My SF found himself on the night of his 80th birthday, sleeping on my settee. How did it come to this? Read on and remember next time, it could be you.
A little over a year ago my sister told me that things were going missing from the house she lived in with her mother and her step father (my step father). Just small things like a pen, a safety pin, a butter knife, a remote control, some tablets etc. "So what"? was my reply, we all lose things from time to time, I am sure they will turn up. They usually did. My sister was convinced that SD was hiding these things from his wife. To what end I asked? It was obvious (to her), he was trying to drive his wife mad so he could put her in a nursing home!
This is what my sister believed. I asked why on Earth would he want to do that, he quite clearly still loved his wife.
Once again according to my sister, it was "obvious". He is having an affair.,
I urged my sister not to say a word to my mum until she had firm, solid evidence to support her allegations. The fact was, she had nothing. She had never seen him with another woman, she knew nobody who had. She didn't know who the woman was and didn't have a clue what she looked like. She just "knew". And for her, that was enough. It was enough to convince her mother that her husband of 53 years was cheating on her. Of course it was all a load of rubbish. There never was and never has been any other woman. She also convinced her mum that he was hiding things from her. She told her mum that he was planning on sending her to a nursing home. My sister was convinced he was going to do this so he could move this "other woman" into the house.
If he looked out of the window, he was accused of waiting for her to walk past. He if went to the bedroom, he was accused of looking out of the bedroom window, waiting for this woman to walk past. If he went for a walk, he was meeting her. My sister decided that the woman MUST be the woman who walked her dog past the house every evening. (They live 5 min from the beach, lot's of people walk past with their dogs).
If he went to the shop he was meeting her. If he picked up his phone he was calling her. If he got up in the night to go to the loo, he was sneaking to the garage to make a call. If he went into town he was meeting her. It got to the point where everything he did was being watched with suspicion and accusations. He doesn't drive, uses a bus pass and walks with a stick. He doesn't drink and NEVER goes out to the pub. His biggest joy is walking round car boot sales with me on a Sunday morning.
By this time, my sister has so convinced my mum that "HE" was cheating she ended up hating her husband for what he was doing. The arguments and rows grew in ferocity to the point where the police were called (by my sister) and my did was given the option, Come to my house or go to the police station. My dad (Step dad) arrive at mine in bits. He was a broken man.
Two days later, my sister sent me a message "Mum is missing him and wants him to come back home".
He went back with joy in his heart. It lasted a day before the accusations started again.
He tried five times over a two month period, to return home, but it was no use. My mum couldn't forgive him and couldn't stop the anger towards him for having an affair. He recorded in secret, the conversations and arguments that took place each time he went back. I have heard them all and there is no doubt that it is nothing less than abuse from both my sister and my mum. He is called every vile thing you can imagine. When he attempted to remove some of his personal possessions my sister gets on the phone and tells the police he has come back in the house and is attacking his wife. You can hear from the recordings that he isn't doing anything of the sort. My mum says she will go out in the street and start screaming (that she is being attacked)
I went to see my mum to tell her that there has never been "another woman" That he was not hiding things from her and he had no desire to see her in a nursing home.
My mum told me to get out and never step foot in the place again for taking his side.
I even showed her his mobile phone and explained that I get his P.A.Y.G credit and he has hardly ever used it.
It was no use, my sister had totally convinced her. I asked my mum what evidence she had seen to support my sisters accusations. She replied that at least my sister was telling her the truth!
A week or so later, I received a call from my dads doctor to ask if I could take him in for a "test". A mental health test, requested by my sister! He went and passed it with flying colours. The female doctor took hold of him, gave him a great big hug, looked into his eyes and said "I believe every word you have told me" The problem is obvious.
I only learned this week that my sister tried this same thing 30 years ago. She accused him of having an affair when he was working away from home. I believe him %100 when he says there never was any other woman. This guy took on a divorced woman with four children and looked after us all. He told me last week that all the photographs of him in the albums have been removed last year. My sister denied all knowledge!
To cut what could be a very long story short.
He now lives alone in a one bedroom flat. ALL his personal effects were left in the house. So at 80 years old he has had to start again.
My sister continues to live in his house with her mother. He has had no contact with either of them for almost a year.
he feels too old to start divorce Proceedings and too old to fight for his share of the house.
Just to empahsise one point. My mum has never had to work. My sister works part time and until he left was paying £23.00 a week for her keep.
This is the reward he gets for looking after his step daughter for all of her life. THIS is the thanks she has shown him.
Sorry for the long rant. Any comments or questions I will try to answer.
Thank you for reading.