How to approach stepdaughter and inheritance
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Hi
I have 5 stepchildren . Oldest SD49 lives close by but rarely bothers to check on her ill, elderly father perhaps two visits a year.
Recently she visited and within moments of entering the house told DH to make sure he had his will right. She continued on for the remainder of her visit trying to find out what he owned, how much his late mother had left him. How much he had spent on the house etc.
He told her the house was mine but refused to answer other questions.
should I interfer and tell her or just let eventually find out?
Has your husband told you specifically how everything will be
Split?
in my case me and hubby have a 20yr age gap, he has sd22, ss20 and sd13 and we have 2 kids together aged 1.5 & 3.
My husband doesn’t trust his kids with ex to have our kids best interests and welfare to heart because they only care about themselves and bio mum has brainwashed and controlled them and gets sk to do her dirty work and guilt hubby
hubby knows there is always a possibility with our age gap that if he dies his kids with ex will all be adults while our kids are still minors so will require more financial assistance and having a will where everything is split equally isn’t equal because sk have received more financial assistance compared to everyone then we have the shitload of money exwife stole out of hubbys bank account for herself which is another story
hubby few months ago stated to skids that they better be nice and respectful to me as he’d appointed me executor of his life insurance policy and pension money. Where we live kids wouldn’t have any success trying to sue me for money when hubby has clearly stated why and courts don’t get involved because his estate will consist of properties and savings etc
hubby said they were only causing harm to themselves being arseholes to me because if they needed money for whatever, i’d not be inclined to go out of my way for their selfishness and laziness. They said ok dad but i don’t believe they understand the whole concept of this, its too above their grasp of things.
hubby also said he would be retiring overseas early so most of his money is tied up in savings currently, he plans to gift a lump sum to all kids (they don’t know this) and everything else will be managed by me from savings until i guess all kids are adults and money can be split equally then.
Hubby has transferred money evey month to my account to send to my country for savings so some money is overseas that sk can’t greedily touch
our issue is very rarely do half siblings have a good functioning relationship so you need to make sure everyone is looked after
exwife has brought up issues out of her arse that she imaginarily is gonna die any minute from a non existent illness and doesn’t want current husband of hers to lay claim to the home hubby bought which is in my husbands name which made hubby suspect her marriage is on the rocks and as usual she’s getting her affairs in order to screw men out of all their money and cover her arse because all the money she steals goes to her pockets, not to her kids but the kids are blinded and don’t see it.
After two divorces , five
After two divorces , five children and poor health my husband actually doesn’t have much to leave his offspring. I don’t expect anything, I have always supported myself but I certainly don’t want his children to be able to make any claim on my estate.
Should I go before my husband I have guaranteed him life tenancy provided he looks after the house.
i expect we are going to have to spend most of his money on health care.
There is nothing wrong with asking your spouse
Especially in dysfunctional blended families what will you would like or say you’re concerned that he dies and skids fight in court demanding family home is sold and you are left on the streets
in my case i stated to hubby your kids with ex only hink of themselves and have been brainwashed by exwife that they cannot think for themselves logically and reasonably. They are mums pawns and too stupid to see it. Hubby knows this
so i said in this case and with our age gap how the heck can you leave me hanging fending for myself, likely 2 kids of my own in primary school and an exwife threatening all kinds of stuff in court and having her kids get a higher portion and cutting me out because i am wife number 2 despite them being divorced over a decade and their 3 kids adults
hubbys response was he had to be fair to all kids but problem was he was gifting a home/property to each of 3 kids with exwife and money split fairly but that meant me with 2 young kids highly likely in primary school or minors not getting anything to financially support them to the same amount kids with ex would get
hubby then said if he wasn’t fair he’d have to answer to god. I said right and i have to deal with crazy greedy stepkids and exwife whilst being a struggling single mum because hubby gifted more to his 3 elder kids who wouldn’t give a flying shit about our 2 kids welfare.
a day or 2 later hubby said his life insurance policy which is over a million he has stipulated i will manage this fund, the kids have no access to it and do not know it exists, and some money he put as savings in my name in his country. I am capable of working for the next decade or 20-30 yrs but its the thought if something hapoened now, hubby is leaving me to the street but looking out for kids with ex and that isn’t ok.
my dad has stated in his will i get 60% of his property and my brother 40%, but he is changing it to all goes to me because my brother neglected dad and has not made any contact for over 2 yrs so as far as dad is concerned he shouldn’t claim he’s a dependent when i have been the one caring for dad even though i live overseas and maintained contact regularly and help contribute to the home. My dad doesn’t want family home sold but problem is my brother just wants money and to sell it but when mum died he ran off with about $15,000 and about $10,000 of jewelleries his wife stole and pawned off to help her shopping sprees and my dad was furious. My brother hasn’t even spent any money to erect a tombstone on mums grave that other people have put their own name and tombstone on mums grave and dad doesn’t want that to happen.
my dad comes from a family where the home is continually passed down the family, not sold and definitely my dad is against it being rented because alot of tenants trash the property and my brother wanting to rent family home means i will never see a penny pf my share. Me fighting my brother in court for my share is just gonna be a nightmare and dad knows with 2 young kids i just couldn’t be bothered
SM has pile of Dads money I
SM has pile of Dads money I can go ask for anything I need after he's gone?
No thanks. Decide now, write a will.
Don't tell the money-grubbing
Don't tell the money-grubbing vulture anything. That's up to DH, if he wants to.
That makes me sick. I hope he doesn't plan to leave her a cent. My mother is 84 and I hope she lives 20 more years and spends every penny.
You dont owe her any explanation
Its up to DH to tell any info he feels necessary, thats up to him. It looks like he has done that. Let it be. The more you talk about this to her the more she may try to cause trouble for you. You have enough on your hands caring for your DH.
Inheritance and entitled children is a mine field topic. In the steps mind even if you have been married a hundred years they will never be ok with the SM inheriting anything. Good luck, and sorry to hear about your husband.
...
" should I interfer and tell her or just let eventually find out?"
Her father has already told her all he intends to tell her.
" He told her the house was mine but refused to answer other questions."
Nothing else is any of her business.
I will assume your husband has all his affairs in order and has left nothing to chance. It's been done as he saw fit and it's his to tell or not tell. He's chosen not to discuss with his children.... why would you go against his wishes?
Just leave it. I have a
Just leave it. I have a stepmother who basically stripped assets from my dad and then divorced him just so she could get a cash sum from his retirement. They're still living together. My dad inherited a nice amount from my grandmother, but it's all gone now. I mean there's little point even talking about a will because the money is all gone. I very much doubt that's what my grandmother intended to happen to the money. But it's gone now.
My SO comes to me with nothing after a bad divorce so my house equity that I built up mostly with my ex will go to our only child my BS. But he won't get it so long as my SO needs a roof over his head (we are planning to get married so this will require paper work in advance). My SO thinks he will inherit money from his parents. That will by and large go to his children - what's left of it. We are frugal people so we have no plans to run through it, but I definitely want to enjoy some travel once we are free of dependent children. If we do run through a whole bunch of cash, I will rethink the way the house equity is distributed once we are both dead. Anything we accrue together will be split evenly.
Your husband handled it right
Your husband handled it right, don't interfere.
The only interference I would
The only interference I would make, if she continues this nonsense, is to tell her that it is none of her business. I mean, if she doesn't already know this information, it is not for her to know or he would have told her.
I can't even imagine asking my dad this kind of stuff. So disrespectful. So greedy. So morbid. I hope karma kicks her in the ass.
It is none of her business.
Say nothing. It is none of her business. Tell her nothing. Most states have right if survivorship which means it would all go to you and you can Will it as you see fit. Get a good estate lawyer.
My dad has an elder half brother. He came around a few times with an attorney in an attempt to inventory my Grandparent’s home and physical assets. My Grand Dad was never home when his eldest came on his asset surveys. The last time my grandmother ran him off with a shotgun. Interesting since this guy worked for the FBI.
After my GM ripped off a couple of shells over his head he never came back.
When my GD passed we never heard from him. When we moved my GM to be with us after my GD passed I went through two steamer trimks. One had dozens of letters to my GD from my dad’s half brother. All were vitriolic in the extreme. They were tough to read. This young man’s pain was tangible but the vitriol did not jibe with the Grand Dad I was extremely close to.
When money is involved some
When money is involved some people know no boundaries.
Fortunately my greedy Twit is out of the picture. I remember vividly the day about 9 years ago after she talked us in to moving closer to her so she could help us out. Must say, I didn't know what she was back then nor did I know what she had in mind.
Right after we got settled in she stopped by, looked around (actually checkout out all the rooms!) and then, sitting in the living room a few minutes later proceeded to break out in tears because she was afraid that she would inherit nothing! I was stunned but my soon to be X husband was assuring her that wasn't so. Wanting me to assure her also. As the assets and house were mine he had little to say about it.
A few weeks later she stopped by, just to chat, and when TBXH was out of the room, asked me in a nonchalant way, if I had merged my assets with her father. Told her NO and the topic was NOHB.
Greed has no boundaries and they usually show themselves for what they are.
I agree with above - tell her
I agree with above - tell her nothing!!
I know that I am going to have a lot of trouble if my DH preceeds me too. When DH's mother passed away last year and he gifted each of his kids something out of the estate, she was the one who asked straight away about how much exactly did he get etc etc - she is going to be a nightmare. He won't agree with me on that one, but we do have an appointment with a really lawyer next month to tie our wills up nice and tight!!
What I told my Skids
DH was in debt when we got together, he a widower. He had used all of his money paying for wife's medical bills. So I tell skids, your dad had no money when he met me, everything he has now is because and with me, and I'm not working for you all, just DH and me.