Advice wanted on Strategies for dealing with Adult Stepchildren
I'm a stepmother and biological mother.
I have some issues at the moment regarding my adult stepchildren.
Their mother has never been able to get over her marriage breakdown and the fact her ex moved on and then met me.
She has been quite toxic where this is concerned without any provocation from my partner or I. She has worked very hard to destroy the relationship between my stepchildren, their father and myself.
My stepkids have for the most part always been indifferent to me. On occasion they have even been rude or condescending as well.
They can barely bring themselves to say hello, let alone hold any form of conversation with me.
When they visit, they treat me almost as though I don't exist, although I can be in the same room as them.
If they have a family even, they will extend the invitation to myself out of obligation to their father, but behave in an unwelcoming manner.
I have tried very hard to make them feel welcome. I have never tried to behave as though I was their mother. I have essentially treated them as I would any other adult I might come into contact with...with dignity and respect. This has definately not been reciprocated and I am really past caring anymore or trying.
The issue I am having now, is I don't want to spend time with them and I don't want to be made to feel uncomfortable in my own home.
I'm sick of my partner and them making excuses for their poor behavior.
They would not think it was right to treat any other adult in the same manner, why does my partner accept their behavior towards me?
Am I being unfair to my partner/their father in setting some boundaries to protect myself from this behavior by stipulating that they are not welcome in our home until they can be respectful and courteous?
Are my expectations that their father should set some strong boundaries around this behaviour too much to ask?
How have others felt in this same situation?
How have you overcome those same issues?
I am finding it difficult to find information relating to setting boundaries for Adult Stepchildren.
I feel very alone in this and have found it difficult to find much in the way of information on the subject that is not completely sympathetic towards the stepkids.
All the information I seem to be able to find just seems to validate the feelings of the stepkids and nothing on how things feel from a stepmothers perspective with adult stepkids.
I am trying to find information that I can present to my partner to help him understand how I feel about this.